The bitch of finding a replacement gamer in your area.

It all started – well, shit, it actually started years ago and involved the Filipino mafia from Northern California, a U-Haul, a doomed affair and a late night call to borrow the infamous 9mm Baretta pistol – and to be truthful, for me it started when I first discovered Penthouse magazine under my brother’s mattress.

But – that was years ago and this shit all culminated over the last few weeks, so let’s jump past that and just let it be known that our game had suffered two major hits. We lost one player to a mire of shit somewhere in Detroit (keep being a Viking, Icelander – wherever you are). Our next player to quit left for some roller-coaster of on-again, off-again romance.

The Icelander we knew about ahead of time and that was fine. Hey, I have no problem if you need to leave the game, just give me some sort of heads-up. Please.

It was the short-notice quit that really got me worried.

We had been reduced to a game of three players and potentially two NPCs (we were right in the middle of an encounter – he had quit in the midst of combat).

Well, never one to sit on my ass and panic over shit that there ain’t a point in panicking about, I consulted with everyone and decided the first stop should be our local gaming store. Years ago, that is where we found two of the longest-term gamers I have ever had in my game.

Within a few short hours we had a flier created, a fairly nice-looking and somewhat accurate advertisement for our game and need for a new player. In fact, one of our own works within a few blocks of the store downtown, so he volunteered to get it there during his lunch. When lunch was finished, I asked how it went.

“They fucking what?”

The fuckers wouldn’t let us post a flier. Nor did they have a bulletin board for more simplistic messages of the sort.

Sure they sell comics and sure they sell geekware, but they also sell gamer gear. A nice solid wall of gamer stuff. I try to support gaming stores as much as possible and always buy from them. I have never bought a book or other item away from their store unless it was at a Con. Shit, I helped them bring in gamers when they were the new store on the block – i.e., customers.

But fuck that too.

Who wants to hear someone have another gripe on the net?

Well, aside from you. Right now. Reading this.

Let’s get to the why, from a business perspective, it is inane for the business to not support the hobby in any way it can. Well, first, let’s examine in what way the store can support the hobby. Post a bulletin board for gamers looking for games and games looking for gamers. If you don’t at least have this, then at least have it on your site.

Something.

If not, then you really are fucking yourself in the ass with your own head. And I mean past the ears deep. Shit. Past the fucking chin deep in your own ass. Fucking.

Whatever.

We adapted and overcame. By end of the day I already had it in my signature on many sites that I frequent. I had also placed it on the gamer bulletin board on the official WotC site. By the end of that night, I had it posted on our game’s homepage and even on the boards there.

One day.

Within one day I had got an email from two people interested in gaming in our area.

I was amazed.

Of course one was just a cupcake and my wife had already informed me that if there were to be a woman in our house gaming, there might also be a very empty bed for quite a long while. I mean, Cupcake’s story was humorous anyways.

Within her first email she had asked me to look at her MySpace site if I were so inclined. She also made mention of being capable of making cupcakes. At which point I informed her that was all well and good, but the wife was giving me pie. Dutch apple pie. That shut her up on the subject of baking and being womanly. But, hey, maybe one of the other guys at the table might be in the mood for a cupcake-baking gamer grrl (or, whatever).

Cupcake made an account with our forum so that she might better get to know everyone. She wasn’t due down until August,way too far away than was useful to me – but I was yet 100 percent sure to not lether in the game. The next part was valid, true and possibly a saving grace for anyone looking for a game.

Well, beyond what the flier for a “Killer Dungeon” might entail.

Essentially, I told her we would be drinking (possibly heavily), saying crude rude and lewd things. We tend to get cruel, mean and spiteful. People have been known to be stabbed at the gaming table – and by people, I assuredly mean more than one person. And more than one incident. So, on top of rules arguments, stabbings, drinking, we also liked to play D&D.

Now, in the game, your character might be humiliated, beaten, stabbed, and likely (in-game), will want to get drunk and start shit as well. This will all contribute to your character actually being killed as well. No punches are pulled.

So, that was the end of Cupcake.

The second potential had no problem replying after hearing all that. He is now running a scout character and I have since been able to dump the other two NPCs. He has made two games so far and we’ll see how it goes from there.

Regardless, the game goes on.

Stay tuned for further installments.