 I always hate it when people cop out and write a music review that says something like "It's like a cross between (insert well known band) and (insert another well known band)". That's just bullshit. I mean, your job is to review the album. You are a writer. Get creative.
So, let me tell you about my new favorite album, If Thine Enemy Hunger by Jucifer. Imagine monolithic guitars crashing out of the speakers at you. Imagine drums hit harder than John Bonham by a guy in a trucker cap named Ed Livengood. Imagine all of this wrapped around dreamy, breathy vocals from a beautiful woman named Amber Valentine. I'll help you along some. It sounds massive. It fills your head like a sonic steamroller. It will simultaneously soothe your nerves and kick your fucking ass… and all of this sound comes from just those two people.
That's right, Valentine and Livengood are a duo, but not part of the wave of bands that followed in the wake of Jack and Meg White. These two have actually been around much longer. I used to see them play in Athens, GA in 1997 – 1998, and they sounded just as massive live as they do on CD. Valentine plays guitar through a mountain of bass cabinets giving them a solid low-end sound while Livengood just pounds the absolute shit out of the drums.
Together, they've created three full albums and two excellent EPs that have gotten them compared to a number of more established bands. This latest release on Relapse is easily my favorite of their long players.
 Picking up from their last EP War Bird, Jucifer has started polishing the edges a bit, and instead of mellowing their intensity as a band, it's refining it. Unfortunately, the album kicks off with its least two appealing songs. "She Ties The Deep" is seven-and-a-half minutes of plodding metal that goes nowhere very slowly. This is followed by the equally mind-numbing "Centralia". Both are nothing new to experienced Jucifer fans, but if I had never heard the band before and heard these first, I'd probably pass on this album. Don't make that mistake yourself, though. There are 12 great songs on here.
Just when you think the album is going to put you to sleep while simultaneously trying to run you over, Jucifer smacks you in the head with "Lucky Ones Burn", a fantastic rocker with a perfectly executed breakdown and resurgence smack dab in the middle of it. From this point on, every song is great. "Hennin Hardine" brings Valentine's vocals out over a quickly picked fuzzed-out guitar, then kicks out a pop riff once the drums kick in. Finally, it goes to a half time chorus featuring a hornet's nest of distortion. “Antietam" brings the frustration and anger to a head in such a way that fans of Lydia Lunch's work with Teenage Jesus and the Jerks will get big smiles on their faces.
 All of this is rocking good fun, but it’s not all huge riffs and pile driving rhythms. "My Benefactor" finds Jucifer playing something that can only be described as a hateful love song. It's not… well, not really… but it never roars, never gets menacing and completely works. "The Plastic Museum" spotlights Valentine's vocals and guitar for three full minutes. With no drums breaking into the mix and (comparatively) minimal distortion, the song carves out a beautiful niche for itself on this album.
Other highlights include the rollicking "Pontius of Palia", the Spanish sung "Luchamos" and the surprisingly soft closer "Led". Overall, Jucifer make it harder and harder for someone to wimp out on a review. So now that I’ve actually made an effort to describe them to you, I’ll tell you that on If Thine Enemy Hunger, the band sounds like a cross between Black Sabbath, Sonic Youth, Teenage Jesus and the Jerks, The Woods-era Sleater Kinney, Belly, Lush, a chorus of angels and the Devil hiSmself. If any of that strikes your fancy, you should check them out at their myspace page and then pick up this excellent album!
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