Out of all of the entries from the Shôwa period
of Godzilla films (which started with the original Gojira in
1954 and concluded with Terror Of Mechagodzilla in 1975), All
Monsters Attack is the only Godzilla film that was specifically targeted
at the little ones. Granted, some will say that all Godzilla
movies are aimed at children, but this one really takes the
cake… and promptly begins to poke its chubby little fingers in
it. All Monsters Attack starts out goofy and only
succeeds in growing more idiotic from there.
Ichiro (Tomonori Yazaki) is a bullied Japanese schoolboy adorned
in a pair of diminutive, uncomfortable-looking shorts. His nemesis
is a Huntz Hall-wannabe whom Ichiro has nicknamed Gabara. Gabara
also happens to be the name of a gigantic, bullying creature that lives
on Monster Island along with Godzilla and Minilla (the “son” of
Godzilla). When he isn’t hanging out with his creepy toy-maker
neighbor (Eisei Amamoto, whose character designed a desktop PC with Internet
long before either existed … leave it to the Japanese, I guess),
the slightly schizophrenic Ichiro suffers from delusions in which
he visits Monster Island (on a charter flight with a group of those damn
foreigners nonetheless) and befriends a very stoned-looking Minilla. Minilla
is voiced by a girl in the Japanese Version, while in the U.S.
Version he is blessed with a bizarre, annoying voice that reminds one
of what might have happened if Don Knotts had played the part of Goofy.
 Look, I’m not going to lie here: All Monsters Attack is
not a good Godzilla movie. I can see why there is much
debate between fans as to whether this should win the award for being
the worst (Shôwa) Godzilla film as opposed
to the mind-numbing mess known as Godzilla Vs. Megalon (actually,
having viewed All Monsters Attack, Godzilla
Vs. Megalon suddenly looks like a highpoint in the series!).
Not only was All Monsters Attack the sole “kiddie-friendly” flick
in the series, but it’s the single most entry that takes place
in a traditional reality (i.e. one where monsters don’t exist
- except in Ichiro’s imagination, that is). It’s also
the only Godzilla film in which nothing really happens (and
I should point out that Godzilla Vs. Megalon has again
been beat out of its position there): sure, there’s the subplot
of Ichiro dealing with his severe detachment and learning to confront
his personal demons with the assistance of his imaginary ones… and
then there’s that other subplot with a pair of bumbling
bank robbers… alas, the numerous attempts by the filmmakers to
convince us that there was a story here backfire and leave the
whole movie with an empty feeling.
 Monster-wise, most of the footage featuring Godzilla and his rubber-suited
co-stars is recycled from several other chapters in the series… and
generous (yet-all-too-familiar-tasting) portions of Godzilla
Vs. The Sea Monster and Son Of Godzilla (itself
a very bad movie, but infinitely more entertaining than this one) have
been piled up on your plate and covered with a bland, light, gravy-like
sauce of new footage (which I think consists of one big fight scene… even Godzilla
Vs. Megalon featured more original monster footage than that!).
The U.S. Version of the film, better known as Godzilla’s
Revenge, is basically the same cut of the film. The only
notable alterations being that the distributor wisely removed the ridiculous
theme from the original Japanese cut and replaced it with some groovy
psychedelic music that would be better off in a Jesus Franco picture.
 No matter how you look at it, All Monsters Attack is
a silly movie… however, that does not stop me from proudly placing
it along with the other Godzilla films in my collection (nor should it
stop you from doing so, either).
Presentation
As with all of the releases in Classic Media’s exceptional Toho
Master Collection, All Monsters Attack takes greater
care in the presentation of the original Japanese Version: the movie
is in shown in its original 2.35:1 widescreen format with anamorphic
enhancement. The overall image in the Japanese cut is very nice
with my only major complaint leaning towards some slightly muted-looking
colors. The Japanese audio is very clear and the screaming in that
awful “March Of The Monsters” song comes through without
a hitch (unfortunately). Optional English Subtitles are included.
 The U.S. Version of Godzilla’s Revenge is also
presented in an anamorphic 2.35:1 ratio, but the image looks to be squished
in a little (watch it, you’ll see what I mean) and features some
brighter colors. The English soundtrack is where it gets bad: there’s
this constant “hiss” sound that really tends to irritate
throughout (you’d think with all these advancements in technology,
somebody could’ve used a noise reduction filter or something).
 Extras
Keeping up with the Special Features on past Toho Master Collection titles, All
Monsters Attack features a handful of Extras (which I like to
think of as Consolation Prizes due to the movie being so dorky): there’s
an Image Gallery and Poster Slide Show (always a nice treat); a Biography
Featurette on filmmaker Ishirô Honda entitled The Soul Of Godzilla (6:44)
from Ed Godziszewski (which features some bad narration - hey, Bill’s
Kitchen, edit the sound next time, too! You can hear the guy stumble
twice!); and an Audio Commentary by journalist Richard A. Pusateri who,
despite being informative, sounds like he’s reading from a script
(he also sounds like he took a painkiller). The DVD case claims
that the Original Japanese Trailer is included on this disc, but sadly,
it is nowhere to be found.
The Bottom Line
Annoying kids in shorts.
Stock footage.
No noticeable plots or scars.
More stock footage.
Disturbing message of “useless, wanton violence and an overall
rebellious nature will solve everything” for kids.
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