 With it being superhero week here at DIMP, I looked around at what all the other misogynistic assholes we employ were writing about. Spider-Man, Batman, etc. That all sounds well and good to me, but it’s obvious the staff has a bit of a homoerotic obsession with men in tights. I decided to bring a little estrogen into the mix; I decided to introduce you to Cutie Honey – Warrior of Love.
Imagine the most sugar-packed breakfast cereal you can think of. My personal favorite is Cap’n Crunch’s Peanut Butter Crunch, although I am sure there are worse morning energy sources. Now imagine a huge salad bowl full of this cereal. Instead of your standard moo-juice, a melted vanilla milkshake is poured on top to properly lubricate the crunchy goodness. You’re probably sweating just thinking about the overload you’d receive by eating this -- yet this breakfast of champions alone cannot provide the energy needed for the average person to get through the entire live-action Cutie Honey movie. One important, critical ingredient is missing.
Ahh, that’s it. I forgot to sprinkle the 8-ball of cocaine on top.
As the good chef Emeril would say, “BAM!” Now I’m ready!
So what’s this all about, you ask? Honestly, I asked the same question. I was aware of Cutie Honey, but I never read any of the manga and haven’t yet had the pleasure of checking out the anime that has been around now for over three decades. Cutie Honey and I simply never had the chance to meet, but when I saw her on display at Best Buy I impulsively had to pick it up, even though I was only there to pick up Night At The Museum and make underage passerby’s incredibly jealous of my mad Guitar Hero II skills during my lunch hour. (The Toadies’ “Possum Kingdom” is sooooo my bitch!) But I digress…
Cutie Honey is the result of the sad near death of Honey Kisaragi (Eriko Sato). You see, her father was an inventor and created a device called the I-System, which along with some other enhancements, enabled a barely-hanging-on-to-life Honey to be a fully restored android in the shape of a young woman with the added power to do… well, pretty much anything she wants. There are a few fundamental drawbacks though; Cutie doesn’t remember much of her life before being turned into an android, and she’s made unsurprisingly naïve as a result. Plus, she needs to constantlyrecharge herself (usually by eating rice balls.) But what the transformation does enable her  to do is extremely impressive. With a simple shout of “Honeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, FLASH!” Cutie changes into her full costumed gear, ready to tackle evil.
Our heroine springs into action right at the beginning of the film, receiving a call from her Uncle while in the middle of a bubble bath. The conversation is cut short when someone kidnaps him amidst a heated discussion. In no time, Cutie is off to the rescue. Since she doesn’t have any energy to transform, she is forced to run nearly naked through the streets to a local store to get the sweets necessary to help her transform. (She should really try my cereal.)
It appears that Gold Claw (Hairi Katagiri), a prominent member of the Panther Claw organization that has been kidnapping girls across Japan, is also behind her uncle’s kidnapping. In the next few minutes of the film, which can only be described as a living comic book, we get to see Cutie in action. She changes appearances on a whim, going from a motorcycle racer to a policewoman to one of the Claw henchmen and even to her kidnapped uncle. The battle plays out completely as a comic book would, with insane flips and jumps in the air, resistance to gunfire, and tons of explosions.
 Needless to say, Cutie defeats Gold Claw with relative ease, but this battle was also important because it introduces us to the two main supporting characters: self-proclaimed reporter Seiji (Jun Murkami) and repressed law-enforcement officer Natsuko (Mikako Ichikawa). While their meeting is tumultuous, they will eventually become friends. The three will be forced to join together to battle the remaining Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers rejects, Cobalt Claw, Black Claw and Scarlet Claw, and eventually the mastermind behind the evil Panther Claw group, Sister Jill, who needs Honey’s I-System in order to stay alive.
My favorite of the Panther Claw inner circle is Black Claw, an androgynous “pretty boy” who reminds me of every Castlevania vampire ever, and amusingly sings to his prey before attempting to kill them while his back up henchmen play violin. Very amusing.
This is a ridiculous plot, and even someone of admittedly skewed tastes like me can admit that there is no way in hell it could work on its own. Something else has to be there to make this watchable. That something else is the look of the film. There are plenty of comic book films out there, and as far as I’m concerned, the only two that have ever truly captured the feel of the comics they were inspired by were Spider-Man 2 and The Crow. Since I have no familiarity with Cutie Honey’s source material, I can’t lump this with those two modern classics. What I can say is that this is the truest attempt at a live-action manga that I’ve ever seen. Certainly this is nothing like “inspired by” films like Fist Of The North Star or Riki-Oh. This is an anime that has, quite simply, come to life.
 I don’t even know if I can accurately describe the techniques used to accomplish this impressive mish-mash of formats. The theatrical trailer (included on this DVD) describes this (as translated) as “Digital Comic Cinema.” It’s as suitable a description as any, and as you can see by the real life but yet completely unfilmable screencaps that accompany this review, Cutie Honey is a visual painting that often left my jaw dropped. (Flashy objects and breasts have this effect on me.) Hideaki Anno has my complete respect for having the imagination necessary to figure out how to direct this stuff, and whoever figured out a way to mesh comics, anime and live action deserves accolades that we don’t yet have words for in America. If nothing else, the film has definitely made me want to go see what the source material is like.
Cinematically, what Cutie Honey is most comparable to is an anime amalgamation of the hyper stylized world of Ultraviolet (which, remains five-star entertainment, in case you were wondering), and the charm and cuteness of Clueless by way of the girl power of Spice World. All wrapped up in a slice of ‘love!’
Who can say no to that?
Piss off, and put your hands down. You won’t regret a minute of Cutie Honey.
 The DVD Presentation
There’s some grain throughout the anamorphic video presentation of Cutie Honey, that’s for sure. But to be honest, it’s very welcome because it helps add to the “realism” of an otherwise very cartoonish, CGI-heavy production. The video is otherwise stellar. There are lots of colors on screen and they don’t bleed anywhere. As far as the audio goes, you get four flavors: DD 5.1 Surround and DD 2.0 Stereo in both the original Japanese language and English dub. For whatever ungodly reason, Bandai chose to master this DVD with the English track as default, so it wasn’t until after I watched the disc the first time that I realized Japanese was an option. (It doesn’t mention Japanese on the packaging at all.) This was a dumb move, but it does allow me to say that the dub is cheesy fun and not at all bad. The Japanese audio is perfectly fine, though. Subtitles in English are available. Overall, while I don’t like the set-up, the presentation is perfectly appropriate and fine.
And the Extras Are?
Making of Cutie Honey – (22:42)
There isn’t any real narrative link in this feature, but it does do a good job of exploring on-the-set filming. The first part shows some of the stunt work and explosions during the Gold Claw fight. There are also clips with actress Eriko Sato from various other conferences and appearances. It continues this patter showing shooting clips, the art department and model effects people hard at work, and short input from the other actors as well. A narrative would have benefited the whole thing royally, but what’s here still kept my interest.
Cutie Honey Teaser – (1:32)
Cutie Honey Trailer – (2:05)
I gotta say both of these trailers really got me pumped for the feature. The teaser is actually that. A short tease to let everyone know that they are going to make a Cutie Honey movie and it’s going to fucking rock. The longer trailer further advertises its “Digital Comic Cinema” aspects. Not anime, not live-action, an all-new experience. And they are correct.
Limited Edition Tin Lunchbox –
Limited Edition Keychain –
Exclusive to the limited edition release of Cutie Honey, the whole DVD comes with a different cover image (as pictured in the Amazon link) and with a metal keychain featuring the pink and yellow logo. This is all packaged into a tin lunchbox with the logo on one side, and a large close-up of Cutie Honey on the other. Is it worth the additional $20 cost difference? Not really. But for the hardcore fan base, it’s nice that Bandai made this available, particularly to North America. Only 5,000 copies will be made of this edition.
Interestingly, the actual DVD is labeled “Disc 1” but both limited and stand-alone versions are only one disc! Do I smell “double dip” in the future?
The Bottom Line
I think that Cutie Honey’s potential audience knows that they are Cutie Honey’s potential audience. Manga fans. Anime fans. Freaky, smellycosplay douche bags. Dorks like me and other bizarre abortions of nature.
 All of these types are going to eat up Cutie Honey with a spoon. The film is the most impressive attempt at making a live-action manga that I’ve ever seen. In fact, in many ways it defies critical examination, because it is breaking new ground while remaining true to its roots. But none of that matters because Cutie Honey fucking rocks my house down as if it were one made of cards. It’s the best thing Bandai has released since the NES version of Galaga. The only thing this film is missing is Milla Jovovich with guns, but I’ll get over that.
Chances are, if you even think you would be interested in seeing Cutie Honey, I know you’re going to love it.
Now I’m gonna go pour me another bowl of cereal!
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