A lot of things came out of my mouth in the process of watching Dinosaurs - Seasons Three And Four over the past few days. Surprisingly, most of the sounds I managed to emit weren’t even words at all, but a  collage of grunts, moans, chokes and gagging. A lot of gagging. If you had listened to me from the other room, you might have suspected that I was trying to eat an entire buffet dinner the same way a snake devours its prey; that I just simply unhinged my jaw and took the whole thing down in one big gulp.
But you know better, and I like to think I know better. I wasn’t vocalizing due to the fact I was deep throating an entire plate of cold spaghetti dinner all at once, no. That tumultuous sound was Dinosaurs sucking the very soul out of my body. If you see me wandering down the street foaming at the mouth, you now know why.
Dinosaurs debuted in the spring of 1991. I was a ten-year-old boy at the time, and like any other kid, I was wet in the pants concerning anything about dinosaurs. And yes, I loved the show – it was certainly innovative for its time and tried its hardest to appeal to both children and adults by satirizing sitcom conventions while simultaneously selling as many toy figurines as possible. Only half of that equation worked. Just try to guess which half it was.
That’s right. Dinosaurs, being aimed specifically at adults while pandering to children, maintained a psychotic imbalance that is both horribly condescending and sadly hypocritical. Always ready to pack in a staunch liberal viewpoint that would make the most progressive mind turn fascist, Dinosaurs - Seasons Three And Four is embarrassingly preachy through and through. The sentimental nature of the series doesn’t just rear its ugly head in the form of a moral at the end of every episode, issues are beaten senselessly into the ground consistently throughout each show’s running time.
Yes, we have to save the enviornment. Of course, we can’t let the government turn into a totalitarian rule. Damn right, we can’t let the media turn us into mindless zombie consumers. These subjects are important and need to be discussed. But maybe, just maybe, a sitcom  involving animatronic dinosaurs that’s aired on ABC’s family-friendly TGIF block after Family Matters and Step By Step wasn’t the appropriate venue. Maybe? Possibly?
Though nearly every episode sits on your head with finger-shaking moralizing, it does try to distract you from the agenda pushing through the family interactions, which theoretically should hold a humorous mirror to society’s foibles, but more often than not, it fails due to technical issues. The dubbed voices slightly off from the mouth movement, the glassy dead eyes, movements more exaggerated than a silent film star, all of these factors combine into something that feels uncomfortable, even sinister.
Seasons three and four of Dinosaurs represents the series’ swan song. Over the process of 35 episodes, this DVD set blazes through such hard-hitting topics as sexuality, drug use, women’s rights, race relations, media manipulation, religious oppression, animal rights, and all sorts of awesome stuff that’s going to draw the kids. Each and every subject is delivered in a heavy blow – while the creators of the series intended to market the show to adults; they sure do treat the audience like children.
Does the show ever work? Once in a while, Dinosaurs will break from formula and has the ability to present something a little slyer than expected. For example, the episode Monster Under the Bed presents a simple allegory involving… A monster  under the bed. The monster, which lives under Baby’s bed manages to kidnap the family in a rage, due to the fact that he used to live in the location before the Sinclair family (the main characters, basically All In The Family with scales) moved in and took the land for themselves.
A little too on-the-nose? It’s certainly one of the better episodes. Compare it to The Greatest Story Ever Sold, which features Baby asking one too many questions about the existence of Dinokind. In order to avoid existential issues, the Government (Tribe of Elders to be exact) settles on Potatoism: a religion specifically handmade in order to keep people from asking questions – and if you choose not to believe in Potatoism, you’re going to be in a lot of trouble.
 Another issue with the series is the depression factor. A few of these episodes should not be viewed by children under, say, 47 years of age. Driving Miss Ethyl is a bleak entry in the series that starts off as a cheerful episode wherein Earl, the ever put-upon father figure must transport his abusive mother-in-law to her high school reunion, only to find that everyone she ever went to high school with is dead. And let’s not even talk too much about Changing Nature, a startlingly apocalyptic ending where EVERYONE DIES. Mother, father, daughter (played by the grating Sally Struthers), son, grandmother and even baby – all of them die. And they don’t just die, they die huddled together, waiting for the ice age to come and take them away. They killed the baby for Chrissakes – I had to check the credits to see if a Blob-era Frank Darabont wrote the teleplay.
Did all of that make you wince? Stay as far away as possible. Think it’s a cutting, subversive message delivered on Network television? Well…. Sure. Why not. I’m not going to argue with you.
Crazy.
Presentation
While Dinosaurs might have been an expensive-as-hell show to produce, the overall audio and video quality of the show is a bit on the iffy side. The full screen presentation is hazy and a touch on the red side. The c olor palette, especially considering the setting of the show, is quite lifeless. The sound fares better, as it’s a simple stereo soundtrack. Everything about the presentation pretty much screams “Broadcast quality, circa 1991.”
Extras
While it seems there might not be too much in this set, the big pull of Dinosaurs - Seasons Three And Four are the seven unaired episodes which have never been broadcast during the original series run. Sadly (not that I personally feel bad about this, it’s just the principle of the thing), instead of putting these back into the actual series and preserving what little continuity the show actually has, these episodes are featured on disc four, along with the fluffy featurettes Creatures With A Cause: The Issues of Dinosaurs, and I’m The Baby, Gotta Love Me!!. The former pats itself on the  back during its brief running time, while the latter celebrates the Baby character – a frying pan-wielding sociopath who took the nation by storm, only to be rightfully shunned after the series ended.
Finally, included in the set are two audio commentaries featuring Brian Henson, along with writers, producers, the cast and the crew. These commentaries are featured on the inoffensive episodes: Nature Calls, which Baby has to learn how to use the toilet, and Into The Woods, where Baby is left to his own devices as a ritual, but ends in a tar pit. The commentaries are much more interesting than the show itself, despite the fact that it’s more of a technical track focusing on the art of puppetry. I was left wanting some insight on the more controversial episodes, but this is what we get, and I’m appreciative of what’s here.
Overall
Proving that childhood nostalgia rarely ever lives up to expectations, Dinosaurs: Seasons Three And Four proves to be a technical achievement and very little else. I would go so far as to say that, if you’re reading this now, no matter who you are, no matter your age, you are not part of this show’s demographic.
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