"I never really had anything that I was really good at. I envy those people that like play basketball all through high school and through college. They had something that they were really good at and I just never, just never had that. I know I'm good at sex. I can give head really well. I can go down on women really well. Umm, I fuck great. Umm, you know, I'm very confident about my sexual capabilities." ­-Stacy Valentine

Christine Fugate's The Girl Next Door opens with this glimpse into the mind of Stacy Valentine, a former Oklahoma housewife who became a porn star after her husband submitted nude photos of her to an amateur contest in Gallery, an adult magazine. Unfortunately, this is about as deep as this movie gets. 

The old adage says that porn stars are people too. That's great and I can appreciate that sentiment, but when I watch a documentary film, I want to find out what makes them different, not what makes them the same. I watch documentaries because I want to learn about people, not to see them shopping for groceries or spending time in a tanning bed.

Maybe I'm just cynical, but I feel like I've seen this all before. Not that I have seen a lot of documentaries on pornography or porn stars, but there is nothing surprising here. Not one single moment where I felt like there was any real insight. I just didn't care about Stacy Valentine. She seems like a nice enough girl, but there's never a reason to care. There is nothing to grab the viewer. Her story just seems so ordinary. It's apparent that Fugate's hook is to show Valentine crying as many times as possible. This doesn't work, at least for me, because I already knew that being a porn actress makes for a tough life. Very few porn actresses are ever truly comfortable with it, even the ones like Valentine who appear as if they are in it because they like the sex. But this isn't insight. I did not need to see The Girl Next Door to know that loneliness is a shitty emotion, and this non-revelation does not make for interesting viewing.

I don't think this was scripted, but so much of what does happen feels forced. In the middle of the film, Stacy takes a trip home to Oklahoma to visit her mother and stepfather (who support her career choice) as well as her childhood best friend. Like we couldn't see that one coming from a million miles away. And then Stacy cries because she's sad. It's just so tough to care.

Since this is a documentary about a woman who works in the adult film industry, I should say that there is no holding back on the nudity, but there is never any hardcore sex depicted on-screen. We see video from the porn shoots, but this footage is captured in a way to avoid hardcore action. The most graphic images are seen when Ms. Valentine undergoes plastic surgery to reduce the size of her implants, liposuction to suck fat from various parts of her body, and injections to increase the size of her lips. You've seen it all before if you've seen an episode of Nip/Tuck.

Video
The full-frame presentation is not great, but does it really matter? The picture is very soft and at times it looks like it was filmed for television. At other times, it's extremely grainy, but really I just don't care. Its fine for what it is. 

Audio
The audio is actually pretty good. Dialogue is clear and easy to understand. There's not much of it, but music comes across very well and is active through the surround channels. Not bad at all for a documentary film of this type.

I like to complain when DVDs are missing English subtitles or captions, which this one is lacking. I'll never understand this omission on the part of DVD manufacturers, but really, there is no sense in getting worked up about this failure on a title like this.

Extra Features
Stacy's Retirement Party (10:13) ­ This is a video shot at a party to celebrate Stacy's retirement from porn. It's equally as boring as the main feature and features Stacy and others talking about her career. After seeing The Girl Next Door, this was most unnecessary. There is an interview segment where it was obvious the interviewer had not seen The Girl Next Door. I thought that was kind of funny; the only laugh I got out of this entire disc.

Press Coverage (5:41) ­ This is just a collection of short clips from shows like Extra and local evening news shows. Like the other prominent feature, this is pointless. If you've seen the feature, you do not need to see this.

Television Spot (0:33) ­ Ooh, a TV ad for a boring documentary. Why bother? I can tell you right now it's a waste of 33 seconds of your time.

Theatrical Trailer (2:20) ­ I think this is actually better than the movie because it fills you in on everything you need to know about Stacy Valentine. Two minutes will tell you just as much as 82.

Sneak Previews ­ Trailers for other Indican releases Pure, Always Say Goodbye, The Young Unknowns, and Face. I've never heard of any of these titles, but Pure has Molly Parker in it. I like her. Always Say Goodbye has Marcia Cross in it and looks really cheap, but would you expect a Marcia Cross movie to have a budget? The Young Unknowns is a red-band trailer which is very cool and it has some attractive ladies in it. Face is a stupid title for a movie and the trailer doesn't make me think its any good, but brief nudity is promised by the rating screen.

Deleted Scenes (3:03) ­ Great, three more minutes to drive home the point that Stacy Valentine is uninteresting. There is nothing worthwhile here. Trust me.

Parting Words
The Girl Next Door is one of the more disappointing documentary films I have seen this year. Stacy Valentine is simply not interesting enough to carry a movie like this. Unless you are a big Stacy Valentine fan or you are looking to waste an hour and some change, I cannot recommend this title. If you really must, rent it.