 You
might ask yourself, “Noto, why did you subject yourself
to this?” The answer is fairly simple: Someone should,
and everyone needs to at sometime or another. It is true that
you could watch Citizen Kane, The
Godfather, Gone With The Wind, and Casablanca on repeat and never have to worry
about seeing low-quality films, poor acting, and shoddy sets.
But where does that get you? You will have no basis of comparison
and therefore you will never appreciate those wonderful films.
Sometimes, you just have to see a bad one. On the
other hand, some films are so bad that no one should see them,
not even for the sake of comparison. My Big Phat Hip
Hop Family is one of those films. I will accept your
thanks in advance for taking this bullet for you.
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I really admire what the filmmakers were trying to do here,
which was to make an “urban” comedy that isn’t
overtly racist and full of vulgarities. But in doing this,
they forgot to make it funny and less than 90 minutes.
Instead, the film is almost two-hours, and that is not including
the forced trailers that we are made to watch before the main
menu.
The
plot has Audrey graduating college and doing the typical “questioning
your future” that everyone does. Audrey is slightly
different, in that everyone in her family has, at one time
or another, been a music star of some sort. Her younger sister
is a Lil’ Kim wannabe. Her brother speaks spoken-word
poetry, and her other brother is a rap mogul of the Suge Knight
variety. She even used to be a member of her parents’
revolving soul band “The Neighborhood Gang.” But
there really isn’t much of a central plot other than
that. It breaks down essentially to typical urban humor, recycled American Pie gags, and other nonsense. It
could have been completely entertaining on a Leonard
Part 6 or Ed Wood film level, but it doesn’t
have that much absurdity or charm. It simply tries to be funny,
and fails… but at least it tries, which puts it ahead
of other unfunny films like Napoleon Dynamite – films that expect you to laugh, instead of making
you laugh.
 The very first line of the film is, “Like all good
stories, this one begins with my father.” The tone is
set right here with how the script fails miserably, because
her father is not Charles Foster Kane, and in fact there are
many stories that are great and also not about her father.
Ten minutes later we are introduced to a character known as
Mysterio, which is not the classic Spider-Man villain, but
instead a rapper who performs with a mask on. She is exceptional,
hot, and no one knows who she is. No one else seems to know
how she can sing without her lips matching her words, but
I do… poor dubbing.
The essential “parents walk in while the character is
having sex” scene is included. With the typical, “I’m
gonna kill you!” reaction from the father. Boring. There
is a marginally amusing scene with a white professor teaching
Black History 101, and he gets into a rap battle with Tangy
(Audrey’s sister), wins, and as a result earns respect
of her posse. As much as this plays on stereotypes, it is
probably the funniest scene in the entire film, and possibly
only for that reason.
 If
I can say anything positive about this film, it has pretty
good sound and music. I liked that it sounded nice, even if
it didn’t match the lips of the actors on stage. Oh,
and an actress named Boobie Monroe is in it. I don’t
think I have ever seen a movie with someone who is credited
as Boobie before. That is worthy of a star on its own accord.
It also features a man in a chicken suit that later gets molested
by two whores. That’s kinda awesome too.
As a whole though, the film is flat, boring and there is
nothing smart about it. Therefore, I can’t recommend
it to anyone. Even if you like horrible movies, this one is
not going to entertain you much at all.
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