Ever wonder what Rip Torn looked like when he was young, thin and didn’t have a goatee?  Rip plays Mr. Alexander, a bad guy with an Alexander the Great complex (hey, it’s better than a Messiah complex, isn’t it?) that swipes some of the Army’s new Will Gas (a new nerve toxin that makes the enemy loose their will to fight) and leaves behind a small stone tablet with an “8” on it.  When the Men from U.N.C.L.E. begin to investigate, Alexander’s estranged wife Tracey (Dorothy Provine) starts tagging along so that she can finalize her divorce and get her settlement.  The three of them find Alexander's mum and dad slaving their days away in a Greek rock quarry (well, Bronson Cavern) with a “5” painted on it.  Turns out Alexander can (somehow) take over the world by breaking the Ten Commandments and it’s up to Napoleon and Illya to stop him!  David Sheiner plays Torn’s devoted henchman.

 Illya gets himself thrown into a South American prison under the command of the perverted Governor Callahan (Charles Ruggles) who plays strip poker with his two nurses and the sadistic Captain Cervantes (Roger C. Carmel…again) so that he can get closer to Thrush’s new ultimate computer which will make things most difficult for the whole world.  Solo has to pose as the husband of prison inspector Salty Oliver (Judy Carne - looking rather sexy in a skirt with short red hair and glasses) to get inside (he convinces Ms. Oliver by informing her that if the Thrush computer is used, there’s “a very good chance that half the people of the world will be subjected to a subservience far worse than the poor souls that you administer unto at the penal colony.”  Wait, did Thrush develop Windows, too?).

And what would a series like “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” be without the charms and talents of the great Vincent Price?  Good ol’ Vinnie co-stars as Victor Marton, a Thrush operative who races against Mr. Kuryakin and Agent Cantrell (Adam Roarke) to get their grubby little hands on a mind-reading machine invented by a magician named Merlin (Andre Philippe).  When an oblivious-to-this-affair Napoleon gets back from vacation, Mr. Waverly lovingly puts him through hell: he locks him out of headquarters and assigns him to escort an unknowing, unwilling decoy (Julie Sommars).

Following Vincent Price as the guest star is never an easy job, so the casting directors of “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” give us three cult favorites to fill his shoes: Ray Danton (Secret Agent Super Dragon), Eric Braeden (as Hans Gudegast) and Harvey Lembeck (the Beach Party films), too!  Danton bombs his old HQ (a vacuum shop) with Solo in it and starts up a new one (that fronts as a go-go club…complete with middle-aged dancers galore).  When Braeden enters the picture, he and Danton bug the building the U.N.C.L.E. HQs entrance is adjacent to (Mr. Waverly bought it to increase their security measures), but their plans are thwarted when Solo (with a broken arm) discovers the bug whilst visiting tenant Sandy (Judi West), whom Danton later recruits as a dancer.  Illya goes undercover as a bassist.

Luigi’s Useless Information: As Tiger Ed, Thrush’s entertainment guru, Harvey Lembeck wears a lounge jacket that even Richard Cheese wouldn’t wear and also sports the worst looking Beatle-style hairdo ever.  Oddly enough, Frankie and Annette don’t show up in this one.  Much like episode 1.11, “The Neptune Affair,” you get the opportunity to play Guess-The-Missing-Word when Solo mentions his torch lighter.

A man nonchalantly shoots down a Madrid hotel bellhop in cold blood before phoning the police.  The man, Gregori Valetti (Theodore Marcuse…a man who most certainly should have won an award) works for the Re-Collectors, a group of Nazi Hunters working to retrieve some priceless art that the war criminals stole back in ‘45.  Solo masquerades as an art collector and gets caught up in the Re-Collector’s real motives.  George Macready plays the Re-Collector leader and the great Vic Tayback co-stars as an Italian police sergeant (with a horrible accent).  The lovely Jocelyn Lane plays the hot chick.

Luigi’s Useless Information: The bellhop Marcuse kills at the beginning is played by serial/b-movie/western bit-player-extraordinaire Gene Roth (making his second U.N.C.L.E. appearance).  Strangely enough, both of the actors in that scene would later be killed by automobiles: Marcuse died in a collision in ‘67 (the year Roth retired) and Roth was struck down by a hit-and-run driver in ‘76.

While on assignment in the Middle-East, Illya finds a secret Thrush base that has developed a new soapy foam that disintegrates people!  Yes, you read that correctly.  When he is abducted by some desert-bound Arabs, Solo has to convince a retiring Thrush agent (Robert Ellenstein) to switch sides if he values his life (Thrush gives retirement parties?).  Illya has to pretend he’s the son of T.E. Lawrence to gain the trust of the Arabs.  Michael Ansara plays the Arab leader and Phyllis Newman co-stars as his daughter Sophie (a rather odd name for an Arabian woman if I do say so myself).  Stuntmen George Sawaya and Bill Couch both play bit parts.

David McCallum and Charles Bronson weren’t the only ones who loved Jill Ireland: the casting director did, too (this time, she winds up in Robert Vaughn’s arms)!  Jill plays a French humanitarian (is that what they call an oxy-moron?) whom U.N.C.L.E. asks to help out with investigating Indian Prince Panat (Lee Bergere) that loves to go on tiger hunts.  He also disposes of U.N.C.L.E. agents with the help of his aide, Colonel Quillon (Alan Caillou).

When Thrush agents Telemakian and Herd (character actors Arnold Moss and John Hoyt, respectively) eliminate Dr. Barshefsky (actor/stuntman Gil Perkins), they stand to gain an heir: his genius son, Bartlett (Jay North, “Dennis The Menace”).  Napoleon and Illya have to bring Bartlett back to the States to prevent Thrush from raising him to be a criminal mastermind.  Solo masquerades as a novelty toys salesman and Kuryakin as the hairdresser of token hottie, Joanna (Diane McBain, “Surfside 6”), a friend of Bartlett’s only surviving relative, glamour actress Effie Van Donck (Angela Lansbury, “Murder She Wrote”).  Got that?

Solo is assigned to meet a defecting Thrush scientist with a top secret reel of film at the airport.  A female Japanese assassin does away with the good doctor and runs off with a roll of film, but unfortunately for her, they’ve grabbed a film belonging to Cricket Okasada (the former Mrs. Robert Culp, France Nuyen).  Upon reviewing the contents of the film, Mr. Waverly discovers Thrush has invented a volcanic activator-disruptor-thingy (it makes volcanoes erupt via stock footage) and sends Illya to guard Miss Okasada and Solo to infiltrate a known Japanese Thrush HQ: a karate school (naturally) run by Kam “Have Gun, Will Travel” Tong.  This episode features lots of impaling: Illya gets tossed into a room where the floor moves back revealing spikes and Solo is tied down to a metal grate with sharpened bamboo sticks beneath him (the villains water the bamboo to make them grow slowly up and through his back!).  Several character actors ham it up here: Woodrow Parfrey is the Thrush agent that whines about the lack of air conditioning, Jerry Fujiyama (the “very bad for glass” gardener from Chinatown) portrays the baseball-obsessed Thrush commander and Lloyd Kino plays the amusing Japanese police lieutenant who jokes that the Japanese could make U.N.C.L.E. equipment for half the price.

A modern descendant of French revolutionary Robespierre (Robert Long) is determined to destroy the vineyards of France with a nuclear missile (he finds drinking a non-virtuous trait).  Solo is assigned to guard the daughter of a murdered scientist and Illya is given the task of infiltrating Robespierre’s operation through Carl Voegler, hunter-extraordinaire (Frank Marth).  Mala Powers co-stars as Albert Dubois, the heroine.

Boys will be boys: Thrush is using a boys school to train it’s students as assassins in order to take out a meeting of U.N.C.L.E. officials.  Warren Stevens (Forbidden Planet) plays the headmaster of the school and Jeanne Cooper (“The Young And The Restless”) is his sadistic counterpart, Mother Fear.  Beautiful voice actress Susan Silo plays an Italian Social Services councilor who loses a young lad to the school (and falls for Solo, naturally).  The great Eduardo Ciannelli (Mysterious Dr. Satan, The Mummy’s Hand, Monster From Green Hell) guest stars as an U.N.C.L.E. representative.

Our heroes have to stop Thrush from acquiring a virus that can prevent the human race from reproducing (something our scientists should develop and test out on GOP politicians).  The virus gets onboard the nonstop Adriatic Express, where it winds up in the prima donna hands of Madame Nemirovitch (Jessie Royce Landis), who actually claims to be the founder of Thrush.  A persistent go-go-dancer-looking lady continuously hounds Illya and Juliet Mills plays Solo’s femme du jour.  Fans of the Marx Brothers will no doubt recognize Sig Ruman as the conductor.

Squire G. Emory Partridge (George Sanders) returns as a thorn in U.N.C.L.E.’s side.  Solo spots a partridge in a pear tree through an antique store window and is nearly killed by a chunk of quadrillenium X, the heaviest metal on Earth.  The quadrillenium also carries a large electromagnetic charge but (fortunately) has no affect on a geological analyzer in U.N.C.L.E. HQs and the boys discover that the quadrillenium came from the Yukon.  Unfortunately, Partridge’s wife does not make an appearance, but his lovely (and evil) niece, Victoria (Marian Thompson) does.  Tianne Gabrielle plays an Eskimo named Murphy (she likes blond-haired men…go Illya!).

When casting a Hispanic/Latin character, it is very important to pick an actor that can speak with the proper accent…someone that looks the part…someone wholly other than Charlton Heston in Touch Of Evil.  So who do we get in U.N.C.L.E.?  Claude Akins, of course!  El Supremo (Claude) is the big bad tyrannical leader of a Caribbean country guy whose name sounds like a taco truck’s daily special…he’s also big on voodoo and refuses to let his favorite manicurist (Linda Gaye Scott) leave the country.  Maidie Norman plays El a voodoo priestess and Mexican actor Rodolfo Acosta guest stars as Capitán Ramirez.

Thrush engineer Pendleton (Fabrizio Mioni…whatever happened to him?) is working on an ion projector.  Jojo, the title character (Joyce Jameson), is a lady friend of Pendleton’s.  When Solo is captured at their hideout, Pendleton gives Jojo an ultimatum: kill Solo or she dies herself.  Fortunately, Illya saves the day and Jojo becomes U.N.C.L.E.’s link to Thrush (and a major pain in the ass as well).

ing never appeared again.

Looking sort of like an obese Steven Spielberg, the one and only Victor Buono plays Colonel Hubris a (surprise) Thrush agent awaiting a remote control plane containing ten million dollars in which to take control of Africa (or something to that effect).  Napoleon and Mr. Kuryakin manage to detonate the plane over the Isle of Circe, but are quickly apprehended by the sole police officer on the island, Luca (Daniel J. Travanti), who is very anxious to get married to his beloved Mia (Brioni Farrell) and receive a long-overdue transfer.  But before Luca and Mia can get married, they must first marry off her older sister, Angela (the beautiful Marya Stevens)…and the two visiting Americans whom Luca arrested look very prosperous (she chooses Solo, much to Illya’s delight - Solo even panics for once!).  Meanwhile, the girls’ father (Steven Geray) has found the ten million dollars and Hubris is steaming mad.  Michael Strong and Joseph Sirola also star.

A special blend of honey drives a genetically-engineered species of miniscule (almost invisible) killer bees to…well, kill.  Thrush commander John McGiver (who reminds me of Stan Laurel and Alfred Hitchcock combined) plans to unleash the deadly bees in U.N.C.L.E. HQs.  John Abbott plays the scientist who created the insects.

After stealing some documents from a Thrush front (Illya decks a woman in the process), our heroes come to the ghastly conclusion that their arch nemesis has a mole working in U.N.C.L.E. HQs.  With their entire operation in jeopardy, Waverly issues Napoleon a Priority Ring: which gives him control of damn-near everything (and can only be taken off by Mr. Waverly…unless Solo wants to be blown into a million bits).

Luigi’s Useless Information: Larry Blyden plays George Dennell, the poor U.N.C.L.E. agent whom all evidence points toward being the Thrush spy.

Wow, everyone is in this two-parter: Vera Miles, Maurice Evans, James Doohan, Dolores Faith (what the hell happened to her, anyway?), James Hong, Cal Bolder, Bernard Fox, and head of Robby the Robot, too!  The plot involves a machine that reverses the aging process and the race between U.N.C.L.E. and Thrush that ensues.

While on his way home with some vital Thrush information, Illya (along with the beautiful Danielle De Metz) is tossed out of an airplane by Lucienne Bey (Michael Pate).  The two of them wind up at an old Foreign Legion fortress run by Capt. Basil Calhoun (Howard De Silva)…a poor schmuck who doesn’t know that his war is over (shades of Laurel & Hardy’s Blockheads).  Meanwhile, Napoleon seeks out Bey to find his MIA colleague.  Rupert Crosse plays De Silva’s corporal.  Once again, Illya gets the girl.

When both Napoleon and Illya are taking ill from Thrush’s new machine that causes radiation sickness, Mr. Waverly teams the up-and-coming April Dancer (Mary Ann Mobley) with Mark Slate (Norman Fell), a veteran U.N.C.L.E. agent who is nearing that point in his career when he starts sitting at a desk (which becomes something of a running gag).  The wonderful Kevin McCarthy plays the villain.

Thrush agents crack down on him in a Nevada ghost town (named Nowhere), forcing Napoleon to take the new Capsule B which induces a state of amnesia for up to 72 hours.  J. Pat O’Malley plays an old prospector and Lou Jacobi is a cybernetic scientist in the hands of Thrush.
Luigi’s Useless Information: At one point Thrush scientist Diana Hyland remarks that Solo’s file lists him as a swinger.  When she asks her superior (David Sheiner) what a swinger is, he remarks “A manic depressive who is never depressed.”

That tricky Ricardo Montalban is at it again!  This time, he’s Rafael Delgado, a master diamond thief who manages to steal a billion dollars worth of stones while he’s in a London prison with the help of his uncouth Mafioso partners (they dress like Englishmen and carry umbrella-guns).  From London, we head to Rio (although it all looks like Southern California to me).  Nancy Kovack figures into the whole mess as an business owner whose company is being used for smuggling (without her knowledge).  Mr. Waverly gets the girl in the end.

Luigi’s Useless Information: I’ve never heard so many bad British accents in one single television show…ever.  Oddly enough, the Italians are never referred to as such.

You know, anything with Barbara Bouchet in it is good in my book.  In this episode, she plays Thrush agent Narcissus Darling (!), a beauty that carries a big gun out to pick up a doctor that the U.N.C.L.E. boys are protecting.  When hapless idiot Buzz Conway (Jack Weston) crawls out of the wrong window at the wrong time, he winds up in the hands of Thrush.  German legend Leon Askin plays a Thrush commander who probably wants to send Solo to the Russian Front.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Mmmm, Barbara Bouchet…  I’m not overly fond of blondes, but god-damn!  Now that’s a “Deephole”I’d love to probe (and you can’t blame Robert Vaughn for grabbing her ass in their fight scene)!

Illya chases a criminal into the extremely small European country of Ingolstein, a nation with no extradition treaty whatsoever.  This unique policy has come to the attention of the mafia - making it the most sought-after refuge for every fugitive in the world (everyone from Roman Polanski to the entire Bush Administration flee to Ingolstein in a matter of hours - Ta-dum!).  Stuart Nisbet, Valora Noland, Bruce Gordon (Frank Nitti in “The Untouchables”) and veteran Reginald Gardiner guest star.  One character is named Bullets Malone!

 This episode aired on April Fool’s Day of 1966, less than three months after “Batman” premiered (hence the title - and joke).  Illya battles Count Zark (Martin Landau), an eccentric Thrush agent operating out of Transylvania with huge, lumbering henchmen and a cave full of…yep, you guessed it - bats.  Back in the States, Napoleon works with a young lady who may or may not be psychic (Joan Freeman).  Whit Bissell also guest stars.

Luigi’s Useless Information: How fascinating…Martin Landau plays a Dracula-like character in this episode…nearly thirty years later, he would portray Bela Lugosi in Ed Wood.

Professor Lillian Stemmler (Eve Arden) is an undercover Thrush agent  who has developed a formula called Plus-X, which magnifies all of the human senses tenfold.  She has also created Minus-X, which turns people into complete morons (so they can run for office).  Theo Marcuse plays a Thrush boss.  King Moody and Sharon Farrell co-star.  Look for a young Paul Winfield as a military guard.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Marcuse’s right-hand man, Whitaker (King Moody) appeared as Ronald McDonald during the late 60s and the 70s.  He also overacted to no end as the spaceship captain in Teenagers From Outer Space.  He died in 2001.

Have you ever had one of those days?  It starts out innocently enough, but then a wooden Indian statue starts following you around everywhere and guys on rooftops start firing flaming arrows at you and it all goes downhill from there!  Thrush agent L.C. Carson (Joe Mantell) has abducted Chief Highcloud (Ted de Corsia) and started work on a hydrogen bomb on the Cardiac Reservation.  Solo tracks down the chief’s daughter, Charisma (Victoria Vetri) dancing in a New York bar.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Don’t watch this one with your Native American buddies.