 NOTE: The following is another installment in  ' neverending series, The
Work Of Milla Jovovich. All hail
Milla.
By the 1980s, the cultural landscape
of America had changed. With the advent of cable television,
audiences were clamoring for more mature programming. Shows
like I Love Lucy and The Honeymooners had
run their course through excessive reruns. People wanted more.
In 1987, they got exactly that. The show that gave them more
was packed with sexual innuendoes, a disregard for the conventional
family unit and stereo sound (where available).
This show was Married…
with Children. It ran for a decade, from 1987 to
1997, and immensely influenced the sitcoms that followed.
If you haven’t seen an episode of the show, it would
be safe to assume that you are either not from America or
not old enough to remember a time before PlayStation and DVDs.
If that's the case, go rent season one and come back later.
During the fourth season, the men
in charge decided they needed to get the most important person
in the entire universe to appear on the show. (You hear that?
The entire. Universe.) Actually, they weren’t
that smart. Instead, they sent out a questionnaire to audiences.
Since I was a huge fan of the show, despite being nine and
my mother less than thrilled that I was watching it, I replied
to the questionnaire with this:
Naturally, since I come up with great uncredited ideas all
the time, they decided to go with it.
The sixth episode of the fourth season (and the 63rd overall
in sequence) introduced Milla Jovovich to a world of couch
potatoes and people who otherwise hadn’t seen Two
Moon Junction. That's right, they snagged my idea
and turned a great sitcom into great art in the process. Some
Fox executive still owes me a check, and Milla her big break.*
How great an episode did my idea turn out to be? Observe:
 Fair
Exchange – (23:10)
The basis for 90 percent of all Married... With Children episodes is that the Bundys have no money. This installment
is no exception. Bud decides that they should sell Kelly’s
school books to make money. Inside, Al finds a “host
a foreign exchange student” ad. Knowing they can get
$500 a month for taking part, they decide to do it so they
can afford real food.
They get Milla Jovovich playing a French (French? WTF?!)
exchange student named Yvette, and no one is near as happy
as they should be. She is forced to sleep in the garage. Bud
is even more sexually high-strung than usual, drilling a hole
into the garage. Kelly is no longer the attention of all the
boys at school and is forced to date geeks. But when Yvette’s
grades start slipping in school, Kelly finds her opportunity
to get her world harmonious again.
It isn’t a great episode. It isn’t even an especially
well written one. Still, it is better than most of the episodes
and I am not just saying that because I am biased.**
 Milla
Factor – 9
Her one-time guest role is definitely a highlight for Milla
in both looks and acting. In 2005, her English still remains
a tad broken, but here in 1989 she somehow managed to pull
off broken English as a French girl. That is very
impressive, although I am sure her modeling exposure helped
along the way. Being used as a kind of foe for Kelly also
had the perks of allowing us to see Milla in various fashions
and accessories. Yay for fashion! Yay for Milla! Double yay
for fashionable Milla!
 Presentation
The first thing fans will realize is that the quality screams
“direct from VHS recording.” There are some tracking
issues at the top of the screen, and the video is soft and fuzzy.
Definitely not a remaster. The audio comes through clearly,
though. Still, you aren’t likely to be excited about the
presentation, especially since the theme song has been removed
from the show and replaced with a MIDI instrumental that only
vaguely resembles “Love & Marriage.” This is
even more annoying than you would expect. Thankfully, it can
be skipped.
Extras
With every purchase of Married… with Children
- Episode 63 you get the other 22 episodes from season
four as an added bonus. Some of these are marginally enjoyable,
if often repetitive, sitcom fare. You get nothing else. No
more Milla, no commentaries, no nothing. A lot of bang and
clatter with little to show for it, if you ask me.
And Now Some Parting
Words…
This is likely to have been the most-watched Milla performance
of all time due to countless reruns and amazing popularity
during its initial run. All Milla fans should rent this disc,
as it is as important a piece in her catalog as any other.
Fans of the show are probably going to be seriously pissed
at Sinatra’s song being replaced. Likely though, there
will never be a better release of Married… with
Children – Episode 63, and even though you
are forced to own the entire fourth season to see it, I am
sure the die hard fans of the series won’t mind…
well, not too much, at least.
Footnotes:
* - This is completely true
** - This is also totally true.
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