ATTENTION AMERICANS!

For years now, we as a society have sat by and watched as the world slowly surpassed us in areas where we were once leaders. We’ve seen manufacturing exported to countries where it can be done better and cheaper. We’ve seen service industry standbys like “customer support help lines” go overseas as well. Our society has quickly become something easily compared to Rome right before its fall. We’ve become lazy and lackadaisical about everything (including the democratic process).

But I never thought that I’d see us lose ground on the comedy front. After all, this is the nation that single-handedly birthed The Simpsons and South Park (both of which remain relevant and edgy after years on the air). This is the nation that boasts such comedy greats as the late Richard Pryor, Don Rickles, and even Howard Stern. Additionally, we can absolutely make the claim that we had nothing to do with Benny Hill beyond airing his show in syndication in an effort to help the UK economy after WWII.

But guess what folks, we’ve just been surpassed by our neighbors to the north. You see, the Canadian government doesn’t see a problem with the use of the word “fuck” after 10:00 pm. Their government doesn’t censor images of nuns in bondage gear blowing toy dog puppets. In short, they are not becoming gigantic prudes, and that’s why a show like Puppets Who Kill, the funniest damn show I’ve seen all year, can exist on Canadian television while we sit here and watch endless reruns of The Planet’s Funniest Animals.

People, this is a goddamned shame! A travesty even! Face it folks, comedy is the last great export our country has. Once someone takes that away from us, we’re doomed as a society.

Now, there is no way we as a people can band together and export more of “the funny” unless we all know what we’re up against. That’s why you should go out right now and purchase or rent Puppets Who Kill:  The Complete Second Season. Only through careful study will we be able to understand the level of commitment needed to compete in the comedy world of tomorrow.

The premise to this show is deceptively simple. Four miscreants are forced to live in a halfway house and proceed to take advantage of their caretaker’s good nature at every opportunity. The four have differences in their social problems, and thus bring a textured palette of psychosis to every episode. Hilarity ensues.

Oh wait, did I fail to mention that this show exists in a bizarro universe where puppets coexist with humans? Did I forget to say that the four miscreants are each a different form of puppet (ranging from a ventriloquist dummy to a ratty stuffed dog)? Did I overlook relaying to you that the cast includes a far from reformed stuffed bear, who spent time in jail for sexual misadventures?

See, you didn’t expect that for a minute, did you? That’s where those sneaky Canadians did the end-run on the classic sitcom format and created something that can only be described as genius. Dan Redican “stars” as the halfway house caretaker. He’s a likeable overweight guy who the puppets seem to generally get along with. However, that’s mostly because as long as he’s in charge, they can get away with murder (sometimes literally).

The four puppets are Bill (the serial killer ventriloquist doll), Cuddles (the manically insecure “comfort doll”), Buttons (the oversexed teddy bear) and Rocko (the dog puppet whose moral compass may be permanently skewed). Each episode is filled with subplots involving all of these characters, and that’s where the strength of the show lies. The puppets are not just two-dimensional characters.

Here’s a sample (and one of my favorite episodes Prostitutes for Jesus):

Bill and Rocko see a story on the evening news about two prostitutes who are giving themselves freely to the terminally ill because God told them to. They immediately decide to fake terminal illnesses in order to get the free sex.

Cuddles has decided to never leave his room because people generally don’t like him or find him interesting. Dan shows him a simple sleight of hand magic trick to help make him more confident and interesting in crowds. Cuddles decides to go to his evening church service to try it out.

Buttons begins taking yoga, mostly because he’s having an affair with the instructor, who is married to a jealous psychopath named Charlie.

By the end of the episode, Bill and Rocko are hiding from the two prostitutes who are now on a murder spree killing all the johns who faked illnesses. Cuddles is literally crucified at the dinner party for being an agent of Satan because he made a coin “disappear” and then there’s Buttons… Buttons gets tied up by Charlie, his yoga instructor’s lesbian life-partner and is left to die in a burning warehouse. The yoga instructor planned the whole thing, as her partner’s jealousy is a turn on.

This is what I mean by “over the top”.

Another episode features Bill and Rocko making repeated trips to the sperm bank to donate. It turns out Canada has a shortage of sperm and they are only serving their country by doing their manly duty. At one point Rocko asks Bill to make the face he makes when achieving orgasm. I laughed so fucking hard at this that I replayed it five or six times in a row.

That’s the other thing about this show: it’s addictive as hell. I sat down to watch one episode and ended up watching seven in a row on a Thursday night. It’s absolutely hilarious, and you finish each episode thinking, “They can’t top that.” 

Ladies and Gentlemen, in closing, I’m begging you, as Americans, to pick up this DVD set and watch it. See what we could be doing and aspire to greatness. I’ve heard that Season One of this show is not as funny as Season Two, which can only bode ill for us, as it means they’re getting better as they go along.

America, we can do this. Who’s with me?

Presentation
Visually, this looks like any other television show. The interior shots are all somewhat dark, but that’s because of the house décor and generally helps reflect the dark subplots. As far as the audio goes, there’s nothing much to note here.

Extras
There are two commentary tracks featuring Dan Redican and Rocko the toy dog. They are both pretty funny, but man, I would have loved to see a few more featuring the other characters. In fact, a Bill/Rocko team up could have been hilarious, as those two may be my favorite duo on the show.

Also included is an interview feature done on Canada AM, which is like our Good Morning, America show. It’s reasonably entertaining, if only because the two hosts look really uncomfortable with the puppet interaction, especially when Buttons keeps coming on to the female co-host.

Other than that, there are some cast and crew bios and that’s it.

The Bottom Line
Wake up America! The terrorists are winning, and it’s all because we’ve become so complacent about our comedy! Pick up Puppets Who Kill: The Complete Second Season. Then pick up the torch and carry on like our forefathers would have wanted you to. We have to win this race for comedy gold. The future of our country depends on it.