HOLY FUCK!

There are lots of so-called film scholars who think they know what they are talking about when they ramble on about the so-called greatest era in film history. But I, Shawn McLoughlin, reviewer, will let you in on a little secret.

They don’t know shit.

They will tell you that the '70s was an important time in film history. They will speak up and down about the studio revolution. The Deer Hunter, Taxi Driver, Apocalypse Now, Nashville… blah, blah, fucking blah – Fuck all that noise!

The '80s were where it was at, my friends. The video revolution. If you wanted to make a movie, you picked up a camera and made a friggin’ movie. No script? Not an issue! Nameless cast? Didn’t matter! This was an era when if you could get blood and tits on the screen you had a direct-to-video smash hit, and if you could get some lesbianism in there, even if it was just implied, you had a bona fide masterpiece.

Could the '70s bring you such non-classics as Hard Rock Zombies? How about Microwave Massacre, Three On A Meathook, The Deadly Spawn, or most of Charles Band’s better catalog? Nope. It sure couldn’t. Now, I can’t say that all of these movies are any good and keep a straight face while saying it. Some of them are downright unwatchable. But what they had going for them is that they came out during a time when people just wanted something new to pop into their VCRs. And that they did.

Rock ‘N’ Roll Nightmare is one of many films that provided this valuable service, with only a slightly larger budget. It is a complete product of its time. In fact, the mere act of watching it is like traveling back in time 20 years. If you show these screen caps out of context to someone and they don’t guess it was made between 1985 and 1988, they didn’t live through those years. Not just the look and the music, even the story is highly representative of something that could only have come out during that era.

It goes something like this. There is this house, and it is possessed by the devil. The devil is, of course, a really bad puppet. A family lived in the house once, but the devil somehow got mommy in the oven and killed daddy and junior off screen. Years later, an '80s metal hair band called The Tritons need a place to stay, rehearse their new album, and have sex with their girlfriends. As one might expect, they rent the same house, which has been unoccupied since the mysterious deaths.

HOLY FUCK! Things are about to get AWESOME!

The devil is still there, and he has a plethora of sock-puppet demons at his disposal that will be (quite literally) thrown at our rockin’ intruders. But first chicks have to get topless and the band needs to ROCK OUT HARD! There are several live musical numbers by the band, all of which are the epitome of 1980's cock-rock. Thor belts out all the tunes himself (he wrote them) and seems generally unbothered by the gradual disappearance of his mates.

You see, when a band member is killed (or possessed), it is not at all that uncommon for him to come back home, have sex with his girlfriend, maybe or maybe not turn her into a possessed demon, and still make it back in time for practice. The first one missing is “Phil the Wonder-Manager.” As one band member explains his nickname, “It’s a wonder, he’s our manager” [Insert groan here]. When he is dead it takes a while for him to come back, causing Mary to speculate that she’s “sure Phil’s not dead or anything or he would have called.” You see, a lot of viewers might tell you that Rock ‘N’ Roll Nightmare is full of unintentionally comical moments. Don’t believe a word of it. The filmmakers knew it was a silly idea, and they spare no silliness.

The band is full of great characters: a newlywed couple, a guy who has a crush on the keyboardist who looks like a man, a drummer whose accent changes no less than three times throughout the film, and of course, the incomparable Thor. These characters were great on their own, but the real stars of this movie are the special effects. Now they certainly aren’t epic, but for a budget of $53,000 you do what you can. Slimy sock puppets with one eye that smoke cigarettes is one of the things you can afford. Surprisingly cool monster make-up on possessed faces is something else you can pull off. Smoke machines are something you can’t. Luckily, a pack of Marlboros and a guy willing to blow smoke in front of a monster (despite the fact he doesn’t smoke) is affordable. The crew was admittedly inventive and the director got a lot of really cool angled shots for his feature. This, my friends, is filmmaking at its purest.

I can’t give away the incredible jaw-dropping and gut-bursting plot twist on why it is left up to John Triton (once again, that is Thor – who RULES!) to combat Satan, a very immobile Prince of Darkness, with only his bare hands, well-oiled chest and a studded codpiece but, suffice it to say, it happens. Satan throws everything he has at Triton, which seems to be little more than a few Play-Doh starfish. How does he manage to escape? How does he defeat Satan?

Watch Rock ‘N’ Roll Nightmare.

No, really. You must watch Rock ‘N’ Roll Nightmare because I am relying on you to explain it to me.

Disc Presentation
HOLY FUCK!

It has been a good number of years since I last watched Rock ‘N’ Roll Nightmare, and it was on videocassette in pan & scan. The film is so incredibly low-budget that the film stock, while 35mm, obviously wasn’t of the highest quality. Synapse does as good a job as possible with this remaster, which still shows some age but looks remarkable considering. Now anamorphic, the colors look really vibrant and the creatures even more silly looking. The 5.1 mix works great as well, at least in the scenes where the band plays. The rest sounds pretty much like the mono soundtrack also included. Subtitles would have been nice, since some dialog gets indistinguishable under the music, but the presentation is commendable.

And the Extras Are?
Audio Commentary with Director John Fasano and Star Jon-Mikl Thor - HOLY FUCK! There is great banter here between the two and it’s obvious that they both share great memories of making the film. Some hilarious non-film related facts are a treat to hear. I especially loved the story about the casting director that made every girl who read, regardless of the part, take off their tops. That guy is scum, but the story is hilarious. Neat facts such as, everyone got paid $100 to do this movie – and that’s it, are what make for a fantastic commentary, and this is full of them.

Revelations of a Rock ’N’ Roll Warrior: Interview and History of Jon-Mikl Thor (15:36) - HOLY FUCK! This is an entirely awesome retrospective look at Thor’s career in heavy metal and in film. Highlights include his first televised performance on The Merv Griffin Show in 1976 and clips from his two prior films, Recruits and Zombie Nightmare. I can personally attest to DVD In My Pants readers the brilliance of Zombie Nightmare (a rather mind-numbing movie about Thor getting hit by a car and reanimated via voodoo). Perhaps Synapse can get the rights to that and release it too. <Crosses Fingers>

Creating a Child-Wolf: Behind-the-Scenes Make-Up Featurette (13:18) - HOLY FUCK! Clips of the make-up effects crew dressing up the child actor with a wolf-face. It isn’t really a doc or anything. Just clips. It’s pretty boring, as most of these things are.  Most make-up docs, unless well edited and planned, are directionless. But it’s cool they included it I guess.

Rock ‘N’ Shock Memories: Rare behind-the-scenes footage from the set of Rock ‘N’ Roll Nightmare (21:03) - HOLY FUCK! A montage of different behind-the-scenes stuff. Plenty of goofing off by the cast and crew, so you can tell they had a pretty good time. If you end up liking the movie you will like watching this.

“Energy” Music Video (3:41) - HOLY FUCK! “En-Er-Gy! Takes me where I want to be! And you’re where I want to be! Girl, you give me… En-Er-Gy!” It’s Thor’s world, we just live in it.

“We Live To Rock” Music Video (4:10) - HOLY FUCK! Thor brings the goddamn house down in this recently filmed live performance of the classic song from the film’s soundtrack. “We live! We live to ROCK! This kind of music won’t ever stop!”

New Video Introduction and Afterward by Jon-Mikl Thor  - HOLY FUCK! Thor tells you to enjoy the movie before it begins, and Thor congratulates you on making it through the whole thing! Thanks, Thor!

Liner notes by DVDTalk.com’s Ian Jane - HOLY FUCK! Ian writes with complete passion an article entitled “All Hail the Mighty Thor!” His love of RNRN and all other things Thor is as infectious as Thor himself. It’s a personal article about a guy who loves another extremely well-oiled guy and how he goes to see his shows whenever he can. It’s the writing of a fan – not a DVD reviewer – a serious, crazed, fan. Awesome read!

So besides the amazing fact that this got released on DVD, it got an amazing collection of extras as well. Synapse, you rock hard. Just like Thor!

The Bottom Line
HOLY FUCK!

I don’t think that I had that reaction the first time I viewed Rock ‘N’ Roll Nightmare as a little one. My sense of the awesome was not quite as keenly developed as my Boll-worshiping mind is today. This movie, among a great deal of bad movies, would be perfect pizza-and-beer entertainment. Get some friends together, pop this bad boy in and get rowdy! I promise you a great time will brew of the MST3K variety. It is impossible to watch the film and not laugh continuously. It was only a couple of dud scenes (we watch Thor drive for about five-minutes straight at the beginning of the movie) that kept this film from five-pants land.

You don’t want to piss off the God of Thunder. Rent/Buy Rock ‘N’ Roll Nightmare today, or the mighty Thor will smite you all the way to Valhalla!