Gangsters! Prostitutes! Murder! Strippers! CAR CHASES!

In what has to be one of the most dubiously edited films ever seen, you get all of the above and a whole lot more; but what you don’t get is the coherence to make it a true wonderful cinematic experience.

Corrado Pani stars as a gangster named Guido (as gangsters are often named), who catches the eye of a little shop girl named Anna (Edwige Fenech, Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh). With a quickness, Anna is swept up in an organized crime ring and is forced to do illegal things -- mostly prostitute herself. To make the film even more violent, her pimp (and I use that term loosely) beats her into having sex with him… and she likes it.

Oh, Mrs. Wardh! What strange vices you have…wait, wrong movie…

So, as a natural result of screwing random people as often as possible, Anna becomes pregnant. Guido tries to force an abortion, but she manages to get away, only to have Guido get arrested. She has the baby and meets a lovely doctor in the process, making life raising her son much easier.

Until Guido gets released, that is…

There are a few fundamental problems with Giuliano Carnimeo’s Secrets of a Call Girl, and most of them are due to the script. The film seems to span roughly 10 years, yet the movie itself is just a hair over 90 minutes. It is a daunting task to cover an entire decade in 90 minutes, and as a result, there were moments where I was scratching my head trying to figure out when we were, let alone where. Several big time jumps are particularly glaring. We learn Anna is pregnant, and five minutes later we see her in the hospital post-delivery. Then her child is three or four and dying of some operation-required complication. Then he is nine. These jumps make for poor continuity and the film really suffers as a result.

Of course, lacking these transition scenes makes the pacing VERY quick. At no time during the 90 minutes will you ever be bored, because you are not given a moment's rest. The story is constantly changing. If you are not going along with it, you will be left in the dust. I wish all films would take the viewer for a ride in the way Secrets does. I just wish it was more coherent. Richard Conte (The Godfather) is on hand to (I guess) add credibility to the crime element. Sadly, he is so underused that he doesn’t add as much to the film as he could have.

I also wish it was more erotic. I realize that Fenech was trying to go for a more mature role instead of a sexpot, but a movie that has her in the lead – with a call girl theme, no less -- you would typically expect more eroticism. Secrets disappoints. There isn’t near as much nudity as you would expect, which is directly proportionate to the nudity that you want. The ratio is off, and I want more, dammit. I want more!

Put together all the elements and you have a pulp novel with a few minor giallo elements, but not gritty enough to satisfy fans of crime (particularly ‘70s crime) and not sexy enough to satisfy fans of sexploitation, although it is intriguing enough to be a valuable time-killer. Few movies are so self-polarizing.

Presentation
The transfer is not without grain, but I think this is due to the age and stock more than anything else. There certainly aren’t any scratches or other obstructions. Like all of NoShame’s films, it is uncut and presented in anamorphic widescreen. Audio is Italian Mono, with an alternate English dub is available (also in Mono). I didn’t listen to the English dub at all this time, but the original Italian sounds great and comes through clean. The subtitles seem to match beautifully as well.

Extras
The extras seem a little light this time out compared to NoShame’s previous titles. But the documentary that is included here is quite excellent.

Memories of a Call Girl – (22:34) Wow! There is a lot of info packed in here, including a few laughs. We get interviews with director Giuliano Carnimeo, writer Ernesto Gastaldi, and goddess Edwige Fenech. Both Gastaldi and Fenech were interviewed for The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh, and this interview obviously came from the same session, as both participants are wearing the same clothes and are being filmed from the same angles. If you read my Case of the Scorpion’s Tail review, you will remember that Gastaldi, despite writing the film, forgot almost everything about it. Well, here he admits the same thing for Secrets: “I can recall absolutely nothing.” Hilarious!

Anyway, there is a lot of talk from the trio that Fenech was trying to change her image to that of a more serious actress. While I certainly believe that, it couldn’t possibly have worked out well for her. She is a grand actress, but this movie simply can’t be taken seriously. I also have neglected to credit Amptek in the past. They make the fantastic background music for all of NoShame’s featurettes – and every one of them is awesome.

Original Italian Theatrical Trailer – (3:43) Like with Case of the Scorpion’s Tail, they have the trailer in both Italian and English. It’s the same trailer with different audio tracks but it is nice to hear both. At nearly four minutes, I hope you know if you are convinced enough to watch it.

Poster & Still Gallery – (2:59) Thirty-six posters and other press materials used to promote the film, accompanied by the film soundtrack.

Finally there is yet another fantastic NoShame booklet containing 10 pages of attractive images and superb liner notes which give plenty of background to the film. There are also bios for Edwige Fenech, Richard Conte and Corrado Pani. Fenech’s bio is the same that was in Strange Vice, but the rest is all new and extremely informative. NoShame’s booklets are again a cause for celebration (but where is a bio on the director?).

Fin
After only one viewing of Secrets of a Call Girl, I haven’t been able to decide if I like it or not. However, since it is extremely rare that I can’t formulate an immediate opinion, the film deserves some credit for that alone. It moves quickly (even if that works against it) and there is plenty of entertainment to be had. I don’t think it fits in well with the other, more erotically charged, NoShame August releases (since it isn’t all that erotic), but I know that it will be a film I come back to soon. Since not too many films make me want to jump back into bed with them, Secrets of a Call Girl has to come with a recommendation; even if it is for being more of a curiosity piece, it really must be seen.