I have to hand it to the homicidal maniacs - the way these dedicated men and women spend oodles and oodles of time stalking their future victims; watching their every move; studying their every habit; and in turn, learn more about the soon-to-be-gruesomely-dispatched than the soon-to-be-gruesomely-dispatched will ever know in the short time that remains them… sheer genius… and the masked, nursery rhyme-loving killer of Steel Trap definitely deserves an award.  Anyone that would take the time to convert an entire floor of a massive, recently abandoned commercial media building and turn it into his Giant Twisted Playhouse of Death Games!

During a very LAME looking New Year’s Eve celebration on the top floor of the former Janus Media building, several self-centered assholes receive anonymous txt messages inviting them to a private party on the 27th floor.  One by one, the murderer’s new play pals show up: the former musician (Mark Wilson); the cooking show queen (Georgia Mackenzie); the heartless bitch (Julia Ballard) and her equally heartless boyfriend (Pascal Langdale); the chauvinistic pig (Adam Rayner) and his newfound slut (Annabelle Wallis); and the two-faced publicist (Joanna Bobin) and begin to partake in the unknown host’s bizarre parlor games… that turn deadly, of course.

One thing you have to love about Steel Trap is the haters.  Sure, it isn’t the most original entry in the genre, but I laughed my ass off when I read all the negative posts around the Internet about this Saw rip-off.  OK, a little Horror Movie History 101 here for you youngins:

I) Saw was not the beginning of the Slasher film era and the concept of the cold, calculating, and vengeful killer that traps his victims and makes them play his diabolical games did not begin there.

II) Rob Zombie is not a pioneer of splatter films - he’s just a musician (some people may even question that) with an inflated ego.

III) Every horror film that has been made since you were born was made at least once before then (either in the 70s or by the Japanese) by experienced filmmakers.

You kids make me sick.  Expand your diminutive horizons.  Ask somebody that’s older (you know, the people you never listen to?) what their favorite horror films are.  Listen to them -- chances are, they may just know what they’re talking about!

Originally known as Condemned (the title was wisely changed in the U.S. to avoid any confusion with The Condemned, the moronic movie starring that wrestling clown), Steel Trap is actually a German production with a Mexican director and a mainly British cast… so of course, it takes place in America.  The nice thing about that is that these do one hell of a better job supporting their weight than their teenage American counterparts do.  Some of the cast members’ Yankee accents bring an almost surreal quality to the film (which is probably why their dry quips amidst tense situations sound so damn funny) and once you realize that the movie isn’t American, you begin to realize that the filmmakers are in fact making fun of Americans (and thus, they score extra points with me).

I keep reading online, hoping to find a halfway positive review for this film.  Alas, there isn’t much, so I guess I will have to say it:

Steel Trap is a fun film… I don’t care what anybody else says.

There.  You read it here first, kids.


Presentation
Under their Dimension Extreme label, the folks at Weinstein and Genius have done a pretty darn good job of mastering this title (especially when you compare it to the footage from The Making Of Featurette) and the 1.85:1 anamorphic picture is all-but devoid of defects (there is some grain during the more darkly-lighted scenes, but it really isn’t a problem).  The English language audio (presented in 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround Sound) sounds fine and both English (SDH) and Spanish Subtitles are provided.

Oh by the way, the box art is wonderfully deceptive and has nothing to do with the actual events within the movie.  Frown.

Extras
Co-Writer and Director Luis Cámara is on-hand for an Audio Commentary, who does a grand job of holding his own (especially considering he’s on his own) and who is obviously very passionate about his profession.  Next up is The Making Of Steel Trap (40:37), a lengthy Behind-the-Scenes Featurette that gives you a lot of information about the film (providing you didn’t listen to Cámara’s Commentary first, that is) and contains interviews with many of the cast and crew.  I have to say that the filmmakers did a great job with what little they had to work with… not to mention they seem like a fun bunch!).  A Still Gallery and a poorly made U.S. Trailer (1:50) accompany (there are also several other Trailers at the beginning of the DVD before the Main Menu).

The Bottom Line
Does anybody else think star Georgia Mackenzie is hot or is it just me?