The first season of Tales From The Crypt was a huge success, surpassing the expectations of the producers and the network it aired on, HBO. Naturally, as happens with all successful shows, it was renewed for another season.

With the second season came the attention of more character actors and directors looking to be part of the fresh and exciting horror anthology that was quickly becoming the talk of television. For one of the first times in television history, a cable show was rivaling the networks.

The second season is also the first full length season, consisting of three times the number of episodes in the first. It was here that Tales From The Crypt really emerged as a pop-culture phenomenon. With so much goodness packed into 18 very different episodes, talking about all of them would be a lengthy endeavor, so here are what I consider the highlights of the second season. These aren’t necessarily the best episodes, but they are certainly notable.

The Switch
Directed by Arnold Schwarzenegger – bodybuilder, actor – The Terminator.

The story is about a very old and rich man named Carlton (played by the awesome character actor William Hickey) who falls in love with a much younger girl. He decides to spend his money on an experimental procedure (definitely not FDA approved) that transplants body parts from a willing participant - for an extreme amount of money. But how far is he willing to go for this girl? Is his new youthful appearance enough?

This is not a great episode by any stretch, and no doubt suffers a bit by being the first thing Arnold directed. There aren’t many interesting angles or much camera movement, but the intro bit with him and the Crypt Keeper was a joy that alone makes this episode worth seeing. I miss my old school Schwarzenegger. Would the kind citizens of California please not re-elect him so he can make some more movies? Thanks.

The Thing from the Grave
Directed by Fred Dekker – Night of the Creeps, The Monster Squad.

A photographer falls in love with a supermodel, and the feelings are mutual. Unfortunately, the model already has a boyfriend/manager who just so happens to be the jealous/crazy/homicidal type. Naturally, he gets pretty pissed off and murders the charismatic hero. A pretty fucked up thing to do, but not as bad as what will be returned when our hero rises from the dead to seek vengeance.

This story is nothing original, and is typically absurd with little logic. However, there are a few things that make this episode phenomenal, one of the best of this season. The biggest thing of course is Miguel Ferrer, the ultimate bad-ass supporting actor. In every film, he displays this by being the biggest shit talker. Whether it is his cocky Agent Rosenfeld from Twin Peaks or his awesome delivery of lines like “Let me make something clear to you. He doesn't have a name. He has a program. He's product.” from RoboCop, Miguel is total badass. And you will know the minute he cracks his shit-eating grin and removes his sunglasses that someone is about to go down. There is also the surprise casting of Teri Hatcher as the super-model. She has never looked better than she does here. Of course, looks rarely equate with acting skill, and the future Lois Lane is no exception to that rule.

Four-Sided Triangle
Directed by Tom Holland – Fright Night, Child’s Play.

Mary Jo (Patricia Arquette) plays a runaway farm girl who is kidnapped and beaten into slavery by the Yates family, two bizarre hermit people who live miles outside of town. After attempting to escape, she runs smack into a scarecrow, which she mistakenly thinks to be her new boyfriend. Mr. Yates, who can’t control his lustful urges towards young Mary Jo, sees this as the perfect way to fool her, by dressing up as the scarecrow himself. But is Mary Jo really as dumb as she seems?

I love Patricia Arquette. Not only is she a true horror icon for starring in A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3: Dream Warriors, but she is also a talented actress, proving so in that other, better hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold film, True Romance. Here she is essentially reduced to contorting herself into lurid poses and “milking-the-cow” scenarios. I understand most of the readership are avid voyeurs of eroticfarm.com and have seen this type of material before. As a result, her hair becomes the true star; it always looks as if she just stepped out of the salon. It’s constantly steadfast no matter how trashy or dirty she looks. Oh yeah, and the episode has one of the coolest endings of the season.

Judy, You’re Not Yourself Today
Directed by Randa Haines – Children of a Lesser God, Dance With Me.

Never trust the AVON lady. This episode is the story of a dysfunctional couple, Donald and Judy. Donald is the strapping young poster-child of the NRA. Judy is a mousy housewife, concerned with nothing more than pleasing her husband and retaining her beauty. An odd couple to be certain, but they do genuinely love each other. When an odd cosmetics saleswoman (who turns out to be a witch) stops by uninvited, she convinces Judy to try on a necklace. This necklace permits the witch to switch bodies with Judy. Now, all the cosmetics in the world couldn’t save the real Judy.

What strikes me the most about this episode isn’t the stale body-snatcher story, but instead how incredibly smart the script is. It works as a commentary on American stereotypes without limiting the characters to being stereotypes. Donald is smart enough to trick the witch back into her own body at one point by convincing her Judy has cancer. But even in all his intelligence, he still resorts to gunplay to ultimately solve the issue.

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, or so the saying goes, and this episode stands out as one of the darker, harder-hitting, and more depressing chapters in the season. The acting of the couple by the perfectly-cast Brian Kerwin and the shrill-voiced Carol Kane really helped nail the mood, but perhaps this was something only obtainable from a director not particularly known for genre films. Quite possibly the best episode of the set.

Korman’s Kalamity
Directed by Rowdy Herrington – Road House (…seriously, yo).

This is a clever bit about Mr. Korman, an illustrator for the Tales from the Crypt comic book. Played by Harry Anderson, he represents the average man stuck in a shitty relationship. To put it into perspective, when his wife visits him at work, the co-workers hide. Anyway, thanks to the fertility pills that he is taking, everything that he draws becomes real. Luckily for him, the most beautiful (and available) cop in the city makes the connection, and true love blooms in short time. But the real fun comes after Mr. Korman draws a grotesque caricature of his wife.

This is one of the more light hearted and fun episodes of the series. It’s also one of the episodes I would love to hear an audio commentary on. The original story, where did this idea come from? It’s too autobiographical to NOT be based on fact.

My Brothers Keeper
Directed by Peter S. Seaman – only time directing, but he did write Roger Rabbit.

Another great comedic bit, this story is about Siamese twins joined at the ass-cheek. More so, it is about the sex-lives of the twins, who couldn’t be any more different. One is a drunken party guy, the other is a quiet sophisticate. The real problem is how one twin is willing to do everything it takes to go through with the risky operation, while the other is afraid of the risk factor. The whole plot is set up with a series of visual gags that didn’t fail to make me giggle. They own an exercise bike that seats two and two toilets which are directly adjacent to one another. Even after the episode starts to turn dark, with the drunken brother murdering the other’s girlfriend, it still doesn’t come close to being scary. It’s just a witty story that doesn’t fail to entertain. Lowbrow entertainment at its finest.

And this only covers a third of the set. There are 12 more awesome episodes to see, including episodes starring Demi Moore, Lance Henriksen, Michael Ironside, Kim Delaney, Sam Kinison, Iggy Pop, Katey Sagal, Bobcat Goldthwait, Don Rickles, Moses Gunn, and many more. Even some more legit directors come into play. Walter Hill and Richard Donner are back, and Chris Walas, the director of the awesome The Fly II does an episode. There is even an episode revealing the origin of our host, the Crypt Keeper.

Great stories, great casts, and great directors. Never underestimate the drawing power of The Crypt.

Presentation
Again Warner Bros. has put together a non-spectacular but still reasonable set. The video (again presented in the original televised 1.33:1 aspect ratio) has speckles and dirt. It isn’t a horrible transfer, and the dirt is not seen very often (and less so than the first season). Warner has used the uncut HBO versions of the episodes, as opposed to the cut versions shown on broadcast television.

The audio is also suitable and appropriate. All episodes are presented in 2.0 Dolby stereo sound and are clearly understandable at all times. There are subtitles in English, French, and Spanish. Unfortunately, this is only on the episodes, not on any special features.

Sadly, the episodes are once again presented without the famous Danny Elfman-scored intro. Everyone complained about the “Kill Intro” button over the intro, which was the only way to see it in the first set. Warner’s unexpected response was removing the whole thing. The Elfman intro does not exist in any form on this set. Bad move. Way to treat your fans WB. I really hope this is changed for future sets.

The menus are fun, with the theme playing and the Crypt Keeper cracking wise, but unlike the first season, they made no effort to differentiate the discs here, so all three have the same jokes. But really, menu complaints are ridiculous. The transfers are fine, and that’s all that matters.

Extras
Disc 2
There are no extras on the first disc (unless you count a forced trailer for the House Of Wax remake, and you shouldn’t); the first is included on the second.

Fright And Sound: Bringing The Crypt Experience To Radio (2:44) - A too short to be useful promo which focuses on Tim Curry and the recording of the story Tight Grip for live radio broadcast. You know what might have been useful? Maybe including that radio broadcast on the disc. [sarcasm] But hey, we understand, with all of less than three minutes devoted to this feature, you obviously didn’t have the disc space. [/sarcasm]

Disc 3
Tales From The Crypt : Season Two Shockumentary (13:48) - There is a lot more ground to cover in season two, so this recap is much longer than the first season’s. Still, I have to wonder if it could have been trimmed. It essentially just highlights about half of the episodes, pats the backs of the creators and the comics, and moves along. There is some new info here, but I’m a fan, and I had trouble sitting still, so what does that tell you? Recaps are lame. Give me some behind-the-scenes stuff. Nice effort, but not quite filling.

FIN
The second release in the Tales From The Crypt series is full of great episodes – but the set itself is less than desirable. As always, the perfect translations of the EC comic book stories are well worth your time, but the features are mostly worthless. They say the third time is a charm. With luck, season three will be presented exactly as the fans demand. Bring back the intro, and make the features worth watching, like the documentary included in the first season set.

But overall, Tales From The Crypt represents the best in television horror. As such, it has to come with a recommendation.