 Tommy Boy: The Holy Schnike Edition. That’s
what I found in my box to review, folks.
Tommy Boy. I’ve spent
the last 10 years successfully avoiding Tommy Boy,
yet there it was. Staring at me. Chris Farley. David Spade. Tommy Boy. It just never seemed to be my
cup o’ chai, so I always made it a point to pretty much
avoid it like genital herpes. Now, however, I had no choice.
The live grenade stopped rolling in between myself and a troop
of Cub Scouts. There was no option but to toss myself down
to absorb the blast so the little Pinewood Derby-racing shits
could live to dig for boogers another day. Here we go.
Tommy Boy is a road trip movie. Wait.
No it’s not. It’s a buddy movie. Wait. No. It’s
an underdog does good movie. Hmmm. No. No. It is a road trip movie. Yeah. No. Give me a moment here. It’s
a metaphor for the voice of a voiceless generation that found
itself thrust into the world
feeling less prepared than the generations that came before.
No. I guess not. Well, whatever it is, Tommy Boy is most certainly a comedy. I know that much. A comedy
that only made me laugh once. No. Sorry. Twice. It made me
laugh twice. Hmmm. This is harder than I thought.
You see, Chris Farley plays a loudmouthed, partially
retarded, man-child who finds himself taking to the road with
David “Taser-boy” Spade, a wise-assed childhood
friend and co-worker, in order to save the family car part
business from being sold off due to some MacGuffin of a reason.
Before you can say Planes, Trains and Automobiles,
they find themselves in all sorts of wacky, zany, and, might
I add, madcap mishaps.
What a mess. I have no problems with any movie that’s
hard to pin down, as long as the inability to define the film
is part of the charm. When it’s due to slapdash writing
and sloppy editing, I tend to be less forgiving. There is
no movie here. It’s just a series of situations and
events strung together with no real rhyme or reason. Or comedy,
for that matter. Sooo many jokes fell with a resounding “thud.”
I was even amazed at how “safe” this movie was.
It wasn’t smutty, it didn’t push the boundaries
of taste. How can the funny-lovin’ public of today like
a comedy if it’s not dirty? Sure, there’s that
whole masturbation scene, but that’s nothin’.
When are Spade’s nads going to get snagged in his zipper?
Hell, even the score was unsure as to the movie’s identity.
My eyes told me that I was watching a mid ‘90s buddy-comedy-road-trip
movie, but David Newman’s score was telling me I was
watching an early ‘80s Albert Brooks film. Very confusing.
 Sure,
some of the best damned comedies in The History of Ever are
flimsy. Take those Marx Bros. pictures. A large hat, an assortment
of cards, and a blindfold were more responsible for the crafting
of those wafer-thin plots than the actual structure. What made
those flicks work, however, is that not only were they headlined
by three fellas that understood wit and humor, but they were
also made with the full knowledge that a movie with a rigid
structure could not hold The Brothers Marx. They were crafted
in such a way as to properly package the talents these three
gentlemen had, without any pesky plots (aside from the annoying
caterwauling lovers moments) getting too intrusive. A movie
such as Tommy Boy is solely dependent on the
charms and talents of the main actors involved. When, however,
the charms and talents of the main actors involved are limited
to pretty much what we’ve seen repeatedly in SNL skits
that seem to go on forever, the film just ain’t going
to fly. David Spade? He acts snarky. Chris Farley? He runs into
things and falls down a lot. There’s no real “talent.”
There’s certainly no “charm.” They’d
like you to think so, but for me the only real charm in the
picture dies of a heart attack 20 minutes into the picture,
both literally and figuratively, via Tommy’s Dad, played
by Brian Dennehy.
Formula works. It can, and in many cases does work. Underneath
all the messy narrative that gets the movie started, there is the buddy movie/road trip formula that is eventually
followed to the “T.” The problem is, in order
for that to be pulled off there has to be an odd sort of sincerity
to it, of which Tommy Boy has little. Granted, there is a
smattering of moments where you can indeed see the real life
affection these two men had for one another, but it’s
so “blink and you’ll miss it” that if you
blink… um… you’ll… miss… it.
OH, FUCK IT. How Tommy Boy makes it to American
Movie Classics yet Stuart Saves His Family fades into obscurity is beyond me.
How’s It
Look, Smart Guy?
Wonderful. One thing that I’ve
noticed with this latest round of Paramount reissues, they certainly
seem to be making up for some half-assedness in the past with
the Anamorphic Widescreen presentation. Again, Paramount reassures
me that “THE BLACK BARS ON THE TOP AND BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN
ARE NORMAL” so I can rest easy.
How’s It Sound,
Ya Bum?
You can choose Dolby Digital English 5.1, English 2.0
Surround and French 2.0 Surround. I watched Tommy Boy in the
5.1 and had no problems with the mix. There is actually some
attention paid to channel usage, which caught me off guard a
bit. Cars zoom by and they actually “zoom by.” Sounds
in front stay in front. Sounds in back stay behind. What the
hell’s going on here? Quality product? Sounds like time
for a format change to me. They shouldn’t be getting these
things right.
You Think I Just
Wanted The Movie, Pal?
We’ve got extras. We’ve got extras. We’ve
got sacks and sacks of extras. Exxxtraaaaaaaassssss…
An Audio Commentary by director Peter Segal. What?
That’s it? There’s nothing else? What kind of
cheap ass motherfuc… Oh, wait. There’s a second
disc. Sorry.
On disc two there are four featurettes:
Tommy Boy: Behind the Laughter (a title obviously
created by some sap with little to no sense of humor)
Stories from the Side of the Road
Just the Two of Us and
Growing Up Farley
None of which contain those bitchin’ Chris Farley death
pictures which popped up all over the internet. Did you SEE
that stuff coming out of his nose and his mouth? Eyyyuchhh.
There are also six deleted scenes:
6 Alternate Takes
5 Extended Scenes
7 Storyboard Comparisons (for those of you out there
who were dying to find out the secret behind Peter Segal’s
unique auteur’s vision.)
19 TV Spots
a Gag Reel (that is, in all honesty, funnier than
the movie itself)
a Photo Gallery
and the Theatrical Trailer
Not a bad assortment, really.
Bring Us On Home,
Brother
I really wanted to be pleasantly surprised here,
gang. Even though I tend to poo-poo on comedies such as this,
there are times a movie is so strong that even I cannot fight
the funny. This just doesn’t seem to be the one to crack
my shell, however. Perhaps I’ll try Black Sheep.
I hear Spade and Farley take to the road and Spade cracks wise
about Farley’s weight, and Farley runs into things and
falls down a lot… how can you get into a rut on your SECOND
MOVIE together!!??
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