The nice thing about Two Tickets To Paradise is that it picks up where what many excruciating teeny high school flicks leave their naïve, inexperienced, apathetic, lazy, spoiled viewers to believe is the beginning of their happy ending in life: middle-age (you may have to read that sentence twice to actually interpret that… I did… and trust me when I say there was no other way for me to phrase that that would not have had me saying “Damn, I wished I would’ve said that in my Two Tickets To Paradise review!” ten years down the line or so).

Our heroes of the story are: Mark (John C. McGinley from “Scrubs”), the mucho macho high school quarterback; Billy (Sweeney) the one-time semi-famous rockin’ guitar hero; and Jason (Paul Hipp), the valedictorian. The three have been the best of friends since childhood. Now nearing their 40s, the trio are forced to finally face real life: Mark is a compulsive gambler with an estranged wife and son (respectively played by Wayne Gretzky’s wife, Janet Jones and son, Tristan) and a heap of debt from his bad bets; Billy works as a Coors delivery man; and Jason is the big talkative geek at Office Max.

Everything changes when Mark’s father (Pat Hingle) passes away, Billy comes home to find his wife (Moira Kelly) with another man. At first, it seems like the end of the road for them both, but when Jason surprisingly wins two tickets for the Championship Bowl in Florida, the guys decide that there’s only one way to cure the blues: a road trip.

At first glance, I thought that Two Tickets To Paradise looked like it might be funny film. Upon my initial scrutiny of the Main Menu however, I began to wonder if it wasn’t an Indie Drama about growing up even though you already are grown up. It’s the latter of the two. It still succeeds in having a couple of funny moments though: such as the debate between the fellas over what makes something a sport (e.g. football) and what makes it an activity (i.e. darts). I only wish D.B. Sweeney would have thought to categorize that goddamn NASCAR into his topic to settle the matter once and for all (unless, of course, D.B. Sweeney considers NASCAR to be a sport in which case, I would say he was wrong and boycott this movie altogether).

Anyway, what follows is a road trip drama wherein our heroes drive, drink a lot of beer (and drive), accidentally burn down Vanna White’s childhood home with fireworks (and drive away), take magic mushrooms (and drive), meet a one-armed Ed Harris at a deserted carnival (then drive), and wreck their Plymouth Fury (and walk) - all the while questioning if life is even worth living (and it isn’t… I asked a rabbi… he said “No”).

I wouldn’t say it’s a bad film… it certainly isn’t a great film and, as I said earlier, it suffers from a fair deal of flaws (Jason’s character has no closure at the conclusion of the film - which is infuriating to say the least as he’s the most likeable of the bunch)… but my biggest peeve with the movie is the deceptive artwork that suggests that it’s a comedy (it isn’t) and features some rather poor Photoshop work depicting Sweeney and a seductively-dressed Moira Kelly (who is maybe in the film for all of ten minutes) sitting together on the hood of the Fury outside the stadium with McGinley standing next to them holding the tickets - his head pasted onto a suspiciously slightly smaller-looking bodily frame (he’s not a small guy, folks).

Presentation
Two Tickets To Paradise was shot on Super 16mm and then blown up to 35mm, which explains why it looks less than perfect. The movie is presented in anamorphic 1.85:1 widescreen and with two very nice-sounding audio tracks: English 2-Channel Stereo and English 5.1 Dolby Digital. Subtitles in English (SDH) and Spanish are included.

Extras
Never let it be said that B-Label distributor First Look Studios don’t go that extra mile to give us any Special Features. For Two Tickets To Paradise, the Indie company gives us an Audio Commentary with star/writer/producer/director D.B. Sweeney. The Commentary isn’t a bad listen, and Sweeney has a lot of stories to tell us (and I agree with you on Starbucks bud - they are a scam) but the track would have benefited from another participant (or two). Next up are five Deleted Scenes (4:16), one of which give some much needed closure to Jason’s character from the end of the film, followed by a handful of Outtakes (5:36), and finally, two Theatrical Trailers. The first Trailer looks like a handmade promo and bears the film’s original title, Dirt Nap (2:23). The other, more professional-looking Trailer (2:24) features some music by the Red Hot Chili Peppers (who are not on the soundtrack) and several other musicians past and present (no doubt to reach a larger audience). Both Trailers feature “Walk Of Life” - that once barely-tolerable-but-now-god-awful Dire Straits song that has been overplayed so much by every other radio station in the nation that it actually urged a suburban businessman to butcher his whole family one time (well, maybe that really didn’t happen… but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if it did).

Also included on the disc are several Previews for other titles: King Of California; The Amateurs; War, Inc., which features the long awaited reunion of John & Joan Cusack with fellow Grosse Pointe Blank alumni Dan Aykroyd (who plays the Vice President!); the Aaron “Two-Face” Eckhart/Jessica Alba feel-good flick Meet Bill (which must surely be a better movie than the box-office flop Meet Dave); and Bullrider, a documentary on the drunken redneck phenomenon which (like a conversation that Two Tickets confronts), is commonly confused by many to be a sport (and I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before CMT releases the new Reality Series, “My Pa, The Rodeo Clown”).

Two more Previews, Miss Conception (… ha, ha… ) with Heather Graham (complete with phony English accent - arrghh!) and August await the viewer that is brave enough to watch them.

The Bottom Line
Lousy, mislead artwork aside, Two Tickets To Paradise is passable entertainment fare for a lazy afternoon.

		Two Tickets To Paradise
2.5		Feature - Fortunately, there’s not a trace of Eddie Money to be found here.
3		Video - Grainy Super 16 blown up to grainy 35mm. Not altogether great.
3.5		Audio - The 5.1 soundtrack is nicely done.
4		Extras - A grand assortment for a movie I will never watch more than once.

3.5