It is really, really…

Really really really really really really really hard (maybe even impossible) for me to justify my love of the “horror porn” revival. From time to time, I like to think of myself as a fairly well-adjusted person - it doesn't happen often and when it does, I tend to relish it - but there's just something about seeing a human being tied up and knife-fucked that gets me going. Bear in mind that I made my mother take me to the filming location of the original The Hills Have Eyes when I was a young man, so maybe I was never really all there to begin with. 

This brings us to Vacancy, an obvious attempt to legitimize the genre by softening its punches, adding a few recognizable (well, more recognizable than usual) actors, and focusing more on the suspense angle rather than the gory payoff. Some would call it “Hitchcockian,” but I find that when people say “Hitchcockian” in the context of newer films, what they really mean is “instead of it being suspenseful, it's really, really suspenseful,” so I've decided not to bring the word up past this point in the review. 

The almost-but-just-not-quite-A-list Luke Wilson and Kate Beckensale play David and Amy Fox, a couple going through a divorce, who decide to attend a family reunion together in order to satisfy Amy's suspicious family. While driving back home from the gathering, Amy and David's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, eventually leading them to an anonymous motel run by the immediately creepy manager, Mason (Frank Whaley, who totally deserves a career revival).  

Reluctantly, the two bed down for the night in the dingiest of rooms, but the problems spring up as soon as they get into the unwanted honeymoon suite: the phone rings off the hook, and violent banging comes from the walls of the adjacent room. Not sensing their own demise, Amy and David kick back and check out the pile of unmarked videotapes left on top of the VCR and what is on the tapes shocks them. Eventually. In fact, it takes them a minute or two to realize that the snuff films they're viewing are actually taking place in the same dingy motel lodging that they themselves are in right at that very moment! It's a long process of understanding that resembles the “somebody stole the T.V.” scene at the beginning of Beavis and Butt-Head Do America.  

Conscious of just how screwed they are, Amy and David have to plot their way out of the clutches of Mason and his masked associates. And then THE HUNTER BECOMES THE HUNTED! Bet you didn't expect that, did you?  

It's as simple as that. No matter your position on the film, fan or detractor (did this film even gain enough attention to warrant detractors?), it's easy to acknowledge that Vacancy knows the advantage of brevity. Barely cracking the 80-minute mark, there's no time for boring subplots or cliché character development - it's all laid out with efficiency: soon to be divorcees, still mourning the death of their son, check into a motel that isn't very pleasant. Even the main characters are uncommunicative assholes, which cuts back on unnecessary and unwanted back-story even more. Vacancy knows not to wear out its welcome. 

Many would call this a cop-out on characterization, leaving you without a shred of emotional connection to the main characters. And maybe they're right to an extent, but I couldn't imagine bogging the film down with such elements - Vacancy was clearly never designed for such a thing. This is a streamlined thriller steamrolling from point A to point B, and nothing's going to stop it. 

Director Nimrod (tee-hee) Antal injects a few stylish moments into this efficiently no-frills film, squeezing sufficient-for-the-material performances from Kate Beckensale (channeling helpless on near Barbara-from-Night-of-the-Living-Dead levels in the first two acts) and Luke Wilson (attempting Nicholson, but merely channeling Christian Slater). Who really shines is a visually unrecognizable Frank Whaley, a man who manages to steal the film even without the help of Jennifer Connelly's breasts, or Samuel L. Jackson's screaming. If anything begs for expanding in the film, it's Frank Whaley's scenery-gnawing 

In the end, Vacancy is a mere blip on the horror map - entertaining, but very minor. It won't raise the heads of seasoned horror veterans, and it won't convert normal people to the cause (what the cause is is still up for questioning). It's perfect late-night premium channel programming - expect to catch this every week on Starz. You won't know exactly why you're watching it for the 5th time at 3 A.M. in the morning, but you won't be stopping yourself from doing it.

Video Quality
Probably due to its scant running time, Vacancy is presented both in anamorphic widescreen and full screen presentations on the same dual-layered disc. While it doesn't seem truly flawed, it does feel a touch on the soft side. This film contains many uncomfortable close-ups, and skin texture especially comes off less than spectacular. Vacancy separates itself from the genre's visual conventions by being virtually grain-free and full of rich, brown colors, and the DVD is an adequate presentation.

Audio Quality
An assault on the ears from time to time, Vacancy kicks off with a great theme, lulls you in with a few introductory scenes, and then hits you with the big guns soon after that. I'm listening to this over headphones and it still sounds like a gung-ho horror track, well mixed between the sound effects, dialogue and score.

Extras
If you're like me (a horrible person), you immediately loaded up Mason's Video Picks: Extended Snuff Films; a 9-minute collection of the video footage contained in the movie. If you were disappointed by the lack of gore in the film itself, this feature is for you, as it's just scene after scene of unmitigated violence, complete with video distortion effects for a more authentic feel. I can imagine putting this feature on an endless loop at a particularly good party for the sole purpose of freaking out your alcoholic friends. 

The meat of the bonus features is Checking In: The Cast & Crew of Vacancy, a 20-minute documentary on the making of the film that suggests while the film might not be as ambitious as the crew thinks it is, at least they come off as sincere about what they're doing, and that should count for something.  

Also included are two deleted scenes, a rightfully excised alternate opening sequence that would frame the entire film as a flashback, and an inexplicable raccoon encounter. 

Oh, and I should mention that Sony has packed this disc with tons of trailers, including the Milla-fest Resident Evil: Extinction and the not-as-blue-as-it-should-be 30 Days of Night.

Overall
Trying to bring a little class to an often bad-mouthed genre, Vacancy is solid, but destined to be overlooked. It came and went from the theaters, and the same will happen to it on home video. I wouldn't go so far as to call it a hidden gem waiting to be discovered, but it deserves a little love. Check it out.