 Every
once in a while something falls into my lap. I get a DVD in
my mailbox that I didn’t order. Our promotions guru
didn’t send it to me, and I certainly wasn’t seeking
it out, yet somehow someone got my address and sent me a DVD
in hopes that I would review it. When it’s called something
like Slaughtered Vomit Dolls, I send it to
someone else and forget all about it, hoping that whoever
sent it to me eats it turning into a subway entrance when
they thought it was the parking garage. But sometimes it’s
something that actually intrigues me, like last week when
I received The Vice Guide To Travel.
Don’t know anything about Vice? Neither did I. I’d
never heard of them or their magazine, which has been around
for about 12 years. Vice started life as a Montreal punk ‘zine
and evolved into a minor media empire with feet firmly planted
in the fashion and film industry. Sound intriguing? Feel stupid
that you didn’t already know what this was all about?
You should. Get some culture and check out www.viceland.com for more information.
So anyway, back to the DVD. If not for it, I wouldn’t
be discussing any of this and would likely still be banging
rocks together trying to create light for my dim closed off
mind. The Vice Guide To Travel is, as you
might imagine, a travelogue. Instead of pointing out the quaint
little stupid articles with boring information, like where
you can go to get the best blueberry pie, or Molly’s
favorite things to do while in Six Flags, they tackle the
really scary shit like, “How not to get shot while in
Rio de Janeiro.” In other words, they go where you don’t want to go.
In this film they go to the following lovely locales:
Beirut, Lebanon – “Plo
Boy Scouts in Beirut”
The Boy Scouts in Beirut aren’t going to be satisfied
with merit badges for basket weaving and knot tying. Although,
these kids might be satisfied with those types of accolades
if it they weren’t being taught that blowing themselves
up was a viable life choice.
Vice co-founder Shane Smith and Jesse Pearson travel to the
crumbling city and spend time with the Scouts. The children
share hate-filled songs and show eerie animated cartoons advocating
an incredible disregard for life.
Sofia, Bulgaria – “Bulgarian
Dirty Bombs”
In probably the scariest segment, Shane Smith and Vice Films
producer Eddy Moretti travel to Bulgaria to research black-market
weapons. Inspired by reading a report about a French reporter
who was able to purchase a nuclear warhead, they easily find
the man who allegedly sold it and get him to talk candidly
about what he describes as his ability to find and sell damn
near anything.
Interestingly, the unidentified man who claims to have ties
to Osama bin Laden is so incredibly casual, suggesting that
he views selling warheads as being the same as any other sort
of business venture; nothing more than capitalism in action.
If you aren’t uneasy about the implications of what
the Vice team reveals, you aren’t alive.
Chernobyl, Ukraine –
“The Radioactive Beasts of Chernobyl”
Twenty years after the meltdown of the Chernobyl reactor and
evacuation of the surrounding  area,
the Vice team of Shane Smith and Pella Kagerman travel there
for two reasons: to get wasted drunk and to hunt down the
mutated beasts that reputedly populate the long deserted buildings.
Chernobyl today is a look into a post apocalyptic world, complete
with vacated schools with desks still in place, amusement
parks that never re-opened, and a near fatal level of radioactivity.
Though no mutants were found, the haunting footage the Vice
crew brought back made the whole trip worthwhile.
Darra, Pakistan – “The
Gun Markets of Pakistan”
Vice co-founder Suroosh Alvi takes a trip, with the protection
of his own private militia, through the Khyber Pass and into
the largest illegal arms  market
in the world. We’ve all heard stories about the place,
but we haven’t seen pictures like these. Witnessing
tongue-less street vendors build 9mm pistols by hand and then
witnessing the buyers of these weapons testing them on the
roof of the buildings over crowded plazas – it’s
unreal. Knowing that these vendors are cranking out over 1,000
guns a day, many of them destined to be used to against Americans,
is enough to make you realize how futile the rules of engagement
in the “war on terror” have become.
 Nueva
Germania, Paraguay – “The Last Aryans of Paraguay”
Richard Wagner, who wrote the forever awesome “Ride
of the Valkyries” but hated Jews, once proposed an all
Arian colony in Paraguay. Later, Elisabeth Nietzsche
(sister of the famous nut job philosopher and Wagner fan)
and her husband Bernhard Förster (also an anti-Semitic
bastard, which seemed to be a trend among Germans at the time),
attempted to fulfill Wagner’s vision by founding Nueva
Germaina. The colony failed in only a few years, although
the Nazi’s used Nueva Germaina as a post-WWII retreat.
Vice writer Derrick Beckles travels to Paraguay to track down
what is left of the German heritage in 2006. He finds this
in two brothers who live entirely isolated in a horribly dirty
house and whom the townspeople believe to be cannibals.
Rio, Brazil – “The
Slums of Rio”
Seen the film City Of God lately? It’s
amazing how much of it is accurate. In an effort to get a
better understanding of rural decay and urban uprising, correspondent
Trace Crutchfield goes to the slums of Rio. Within minutes,
gunshots ring out. It’s the cops, flexing their power
in a display of domination over the drug lords that run the
slums.
In another interesting part of this segment, Crutchfield
films at a party run by one of the local drug lords. Dangerous,
fascinating, Rio.
Republic of the Congo –
“The Last Dinosaur of the Congo”
For years
National Geographic, the BBC and Scientific American have
done reports on the possibility that a dinosaur (or dinosaurs)
may still be alive in the rainforests of the Congo. Correspondent
David Choe travels to the jungle in effort to track it down.
I don’t want to spoil what happens on this trip. Suffice
it to say that the final chapter of The Vice Guide
To Travel is one man’s journey to find the
truth against all obstacles – and there are many.
You’ve never seen a travelogue like this before. The
Vice Guide To Travel offers an incredible journey
to places you’ll probably never find yourself in. It’s
worth watching, and it’s a great DVD package to boot.
The DVD Presentation
You might think that documentary
footage of places that people really have no business going,
or filming, might suffer quite a bit. It doesn’t. It
isn’t. Almost everything is shot with a near-impossible
attention to detail and the image quality is unbelievable.
Audio is English, with burned in captions when non-English
individuals speak. Subtitles are optional in German, Spanish,
French and Italian. Sadly, there are no English subtitles,
but at least the audio is very clear and at no time is dialog
muddled. Considering that this is the first DVD release from
Vice Films, the quality is stunning.
And the Extras Are?
Seven short films are included,
most of which are footage not used in the main feature.
Congo: The White Wizard – (1:28)
Footage of Vice correspondent David Choe spray painting graffiti
art on a wall, and playing the drums, while a crowd gathers.
Gavin and David in China – (5:36)
Vice co-founder Gavin McInnes and Vice correspondent David
Cross (yes, that David Cross) explore the bootleg
industry in Shanghai. David Cross attempts to buy bootleg
DVDs of programs he is in, like Mr. Show and Arrested Development. They dine on “Dog
Meat in Clay Pot” and the next day get drunk, dress
up as Uncle Sam and watch the Super Bowl in an American bar.
A way funny clip.
The Black Lips in Uganda – (1:55)
Essentially, this is little more than a music video that Cole from The Black Lips took while in Uganda.
Jesco White On – (3:43)
Credited as a “Mountain Dancer,” Jesco White states
his philosophies on pretty much anything that comes to mind.
It’s a bit like listening to the drunken guy at the
end of the bar. You can learn a lot from him, but none of
it will make sense unless you’re drunk too.
Paraguay: The Dream Machine – (2:32)
Correspondent Derrick Beckles interviews composer/writer
David Woodard about his “dream machine” invention
made out of an old turntable. Well… it’s more
an experience than an interview.
New Years Eve in Kabul, Afghanistan – (2:25)
A short, but incredibly memorable day-in-the-life showing
Vice co-founder Suroosh Alvi, photographer Ariana Delawari
and several Afghanistan residents getting their government
rations, sharing food, and participating in a snowball fight.
Bulgaria: The Gypsies of Sofia – (1:26)
Vice Films producer Eddy Moretti tours an especially desolate
area of Bulgaria.
There is also an “Easter Egg” on the extras page
with more of Jesco’s worldly wisdom.
Also of note is the way The Vice Guide To Travel is
packaged. Inside a beautifully gold-foil stamped slipcase
is a hardcover, 65-page book which further documents the travels
from the main feature. It’s beautiful, full-color with
a shitload of text and the disc fits snuggly inside the back.
What an awesome inclusion, one that should only sweeten the deal
for anyone on the fence about purchasing this disc.
 The
Bottom Line
It isn’t often that
I give anything more than four pants unless it really is incredibly
well done or is directed by Uwe Boll. Fact is, this DVD is
more than well done – it’s fucking phenomenal. The Vice Guide To Travel is everything that
broadcast news is missing: real reporters, real research and
most importantly, balls. After watching this whole disc several
times throughout the course of a single day, it made me feel
all sorts of different emotions. I laughed, I felt sad, I
got upset, I got scared, I got pissed off. I know that everyone’s
different, but anyone both human and objective will probably
go through the same rollercoaster. The Vice Guide
To Travel is not to be missed. It’s the ultimate
travelogue.
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