It was bound to happen – finally a cross-pollination
between the snobs versus slobs sports comedy and the black
people are like this, white people are like that fish-out-of-water
extravaganza comedy. But instead of the likeminded combination
of chocolate and peanut butter, today’s movie, the apathetic Who’s
Your Caddy?, is not a delicious taste sensation,
nor can you pour it on top of ice cream, which makes it all the more
depressing. In fact, Who’s Your Caddy? was apparently
created simply to give angry people – possibly angry white people – something
to rank down on the Internet Movie Database. Oh ho ho, zero stars to
you, you urban comedy, you.
Antwan Patton (That’s Big Boi from Outkast to you) stars as Christopher
Hawkins, an educated young black man better known as the street-tough
gangsta rapper C-Note, which is the only name in this review I will use
in order to keep the amount of aliases down to a minimum. C-Note, along
with his band of sassy stereotypes are sportsmen (and women) at heart,
trying to buy their way into the Carolina Pines Country Club – a
golf and polo establishment so stringent with their guidelines, they’ve
rejected ex-president Bill Clinton from their application process.
Behind the club’s tight-ass policies is the consistently flummoxed
President Cummings (Talented character actor and convicted sex offender
Jeffrey Jones), an obvious target for the scaaaaarrry black rapper people
to exact their sticking-it-to-the-racist-white-man revenge,  despite the
fact that the film completely sets up the fact that President Cummings,
along with his associates aren’t even racist to begin with.
From here we have a competition. Since I can’t call it “whitey
versus blacky” because that would sound racist (not to mention
just plain stupid), I’ll call it an asshole-off. C-Note
and friends drop by the course via helicopter and packin’, President
Cummings tries to eject them from the club. C-Note converts Cummings’ white
bread son (the physically stunted Andy Milonakis) into a grillz-wearing,
jive-talking caricature, Ole Cummings pays off Tony Cox 100-large to
kill off C-Note. Of course, being a dwarf, Tony Cox fails in his sinister
plan.
 Fed up with that sass and hip-hoppery, President Cummings challenges
C-Note to an all-or-nothing game of Golf. Who will win and become ruler
of the court? Naturally, one would assume whitey, but you might just
walk away surprised.
Now, I know I’m not the intended audience for this film, but
that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to give Who’s
Your Caddy? an honest chance, but there just isn’t much
hope for this PG-13 rated comedy, despite an eye-popping amount of man-ass
on display. But don’t worry, despite the dud of a script, and Antwan “Big
Boi” clearly acting in a completely different, much more pleasant
film, we’ve got Faizon Love shuckin; and Jivin’ to the point
of near-embarrassment, and that’s a compliment.
 Despite the intentionally flagrant and goofy stereotypes on display,
the nudity, the sexism and the profanity (the n-word gets its own screen
credit – I say “the n-word” because actually using
the word would come off as a cheap attempt to be edgy, and that’s
not what we’re about over here at  ), what we’ve
got here is a surprisingly inoffensive and harmless film. It will leave
your brain as soon as the credits roll. What’s left after that?
Well, I guess you’ll have to go rate it one star over at the IMDB,
that’s what.
Presentation
The visuals won’t make you jump for joy, Who’s
Your Caddy? is generally drab, close-ups reveal a generally
soft image and a surprising amount of ghosting for a movie that just
came out this year. Colors seem accurate, unless it’s
a close-up of Jeffrey Jones, who basically looks like a honey-baked
ham poured into a sweater. The audio is a step better, dominated by
a bass-heavy rap soundtrack that fills the room nicely, trying to distract
you from the dialogue and over-the-top acting, which is an accomplishment
for the genre.
 No one’s going to be impressed with the film, and no one’s
going to be impressed with the presentation. The end.
Extras
Now, you shouldn’t expect much from Who’s Your Caddy?.
and that’s exactly what you get: a few deleted scenes features
more of the same, while the audio commentary with writer/director
Ben Michael Paul and actor Faizon Love is expected more on the entertainment
side than informative.
On the featurette side of things, we have the three-part On The
Green: The Making Of Who’s Your Caddy?.
All fluff, the total running time is a hair under fifteen minutes and
consists of the literal Learning To Golf, the actor-driven Helicopters & Horses and
the promotional Our Stories First Film, which documents the
rise of the African American-owned Our Stories production company, which
shows how a truly noble idea can go hideously wrong.
Oh, and we’ve also got a Theatrical Trailer up in this
bitch, which is a wonderful change from most of the DVDs I’ve been
reviewing recently. More people should be into marketing.
The Bottom Line
You know what would have made this movie 100 times better? An
R-Rating and Kool Keith in the starring role. Hell, I’m ready
to throw down my own cash for that sequel. But, alas, Who’s
Your Caddy? has been shot, released and put on DVD already,
and there’s no turning back. Total missed opportunity, guys.
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