Let me open up this review by putting all of my chips on the table, by laying out the law, by having the final word, and by rattling off even more platitudes by saying that there is no such thing as manly, heterosexual dancing. There just isn't. You can argue with me for as long as you want. Ballroom Dancing, Line Dancing, Tango, Waltz, The Schottische, even if you're at a rock show neck-deep in the pit, there's still going to be some hulking, oily bare-shouldered man rubbing up against your body whether you like it or not. When it comes down to it, you're going to be moving in a jarring, flailing style, in synchronization with your "partner," and badly I might add.

Which brings me to You Got Served, a movie possibly destined to become a cult film heralded by the same persons who despised it originally. If a wall of impenetrable irony is able to let people enjoy The Rocky Horror Picture Show without realizing just how horrible in every way the film actually is, I can easily see the same thing happening to You Got Served. In fact, the film is sitting at #19 on the IMDB's bottom 100 list, I assume this is due to the backlash that comes from the commercialization of popular (black) urban (black) youth (black) culture (negro).

My idea is to lock the film up in a vault for a good ten years and then unleash it on an
unwitting population and let's see just how cynical the world has become. I'm sure people will have turned hateful enough that they'll embrace You Got Served as a moment of innocence, when you could get riled up about a movie about people dancing.

Also, don't assume that because I have to view this film inebriated and under a heavy influence of irony that I dislike hip-hop. I enjoy all of the white-media-approved hip-hop artists such as Madvillain, Antipop Consortium, Dr. Octagon, Deltron 3030, and many others!

On a very telling note, this is the first time I'll be viewing the film sober.

The film starts on a rather large note by thrusting you straight into the action; a full dance
competition where the main characters do a combination of what I'm told is called "Hipping" and
"Hopping" to a rather rousing song that seems to say nothing, other than the fact that Timbaland
is a rather amazing person.

Eventually, the film decides that it needs to tell a story, and the story is such:

David and Elgin are best friends, WHO ARE ABOUT TO BE TORN APART. When it comes to their daily life, the two inseparable fellows participate in underground dance competitions for cash and prizes. However on their off-days, they're swallowed up by a crime syndicate run by a rather large man named Emerald (as played by Michael "Bear" Taliferro, I guess if you've got it, exploit it in your name.) One day David and Elgin get a $5,000 challenge, via video tape, from Wade and his crew -- who can be summed up in a single phrase: Blindingly Caucasian.

David and Elgen decide to put up the $5,000 on their own, under the stipulation that they both receive $1,500 each. Everyone is down with it except for Sonny, who decides to join the Wade Brigade under the promises of more money. With Sonny's help, Wade's gang manages to beat David and Elgen's group by stealing moves. It's quite easy to see that Sonny is our generation's Judas Iscariot.

The plot heats up considerably after David misses an illegal run with Elgen. While David is trading kisses and strawberry milkshakes with Elgen's sister Liyah, Elgen is getting a beating that leads to a broken leg, a Butterfly Band-Aid on his forehead, and Emerald's loot stolen. Not only does this mean that Elgen has broken away from the crew to form his own, but his pride prevents him from letting his former friends help pay for the stolen goods, even after Emerald gives him a rather threatening heart-to-heart.

And what's going to bring these two back together again? A $50,000 prize? A chance to be in a Lil' Kim music video? The death of a secondary character that only illustrates the "harshness" of the "hood" they live in? And what of the money that Elgen owns the portly Mr. Emerald? You're going to actually have to watch this silly, extended music-video to find out the results. (Clue: The good guy actually wins! No shit!).

Things to look out for:

Steve Harvey as Mr. Rad spouting out helpful advice and being able to fend off people with a cunning use of flags.

227's and Sister Sister's Jackee (A.K.A. The Queen of Sass) is the best-established actor in the bunch, but has a total of about 30 seconds of screen time.

I thought this movie was about Ghetto Life and raising yourself against the odds to become a star. These guys are living in a swank little house with a flatscreen HDTV television set-up. I'm reviewing this film on a 15-year-old television!

A Hip-Hop remix of Fur Elise. Beautifull's shirt reads "Beautifull" on the front, and features an airbrushed portrait of herself on the back. Genius. A disturbing lack of Keith David.

Image 
While the image is fairly clean and mostly free of grain (Except for a few select scenes where people are being sneaky outside in the dark), the film still looks like it was created as a made-for-MTV television film. The color palette is distressingly bland, relying on a lot of brown. A LOT of brown. The film is presented in a 1.85:1 Widescreen ratio, and anamorphically enhanced.

Sound
With 5.1 Dolby Digital sound, The Hip-Hop soundtrack bursts through loud and clear with some nice, punchy subwoofer activity. However, when left to its own devices, it's mostly a dialogue-heavy film. While the inane babble comes through without any problems, there's little to no activity in the surround speakers. The film also features a Dolby Digital Surround French audio track.

Extras
Surprisingly packed. You get two commentaries: An audio/video dance commentary which features the director, producer, choreographer and cast members (including Beautifull who doesn't dance a step in the entire movie.) Learn how the film was inspired by the visuals of Fight Club! (What the hell?) Less involving is the Director and Cast commentary, which is the director Christopher Stokes, Omari Grandberry (David) and Marques Houston (Elgin). Possibly the most inane commentary since Spike Lee whooped and hollered throughout Bamboozled, Omari and Marques make sure to cheer on their own dance efforts in a dazzling display of self-love.

An Anamorphic Widescreen fluff documentary titled "Serve it Up" runs for 25 minutes, and exposes all the intricacies of the film, such as how it was supposed to be a combination of West Side Story and Breakin'.

Dance Breakdown is an interactive (read: press your angle key) presentation of the opening dance sequence, presented from five different camera angles. This sucker's presented in fullscreen with timecode.

Battle of the Beat is a 4 minute dance montage. Kind of pointless if you ask me.

Finally there's the music video for BADABOOM by B2K featuring Fabulous.

And to wrap it all up, previews for upcoming movies.

Overall
While You Got Served might not be the next Rocky Horror Picture Show, it just might be the next The Apple; an inept attempt at cashing in on pop culture that was horribly maligned when it initially came out, only to rise triumphantly from the ashes like Phoenix. Give it due time.