The Adventures of Young Indiana Jones – Volume One
by Shawn McLoughlin

One of the biggest heroes of all cinema, it’s undeniable that Indiana Jones does more exciting things before breakfast than you and your tubby waist will ever accomplish in your entire life. The character’s high-grossing film trilogy throughout the 1980s proved that, if nothing else, adventures against Nazis and mystical dangers will permanently bronze you as a cultural icon for all-time. In fact, Harrison Ford will be returning to that other role that made him every kid’s hero on Memorial Day 2008 in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. 

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Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog
by Shawn McLoughlin

The runtime of this first volume (although nothing identifies it as such) of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog is roughly eight hours long from start to finish. So then why did it take me two weeks to watch? Because, as in all things, time flies when you’re having fun, and… well… I wasn’t.

Sonic is arguably one of the most identifiable video game mascots ever. They’re right up there with Mario and Pac-Man. Sonic made his video game debut in Sonic the Hedgehog, the 1991 game that came out on both the Sega Genesis, and the fast-becoming-a-memory Sega Master System. Unlike most kids in my neighborhood, I left my beloved Nintendo collect dust as I purchased the Genesis. After all, “Genesis did what Nintendon’t!” At least for a while before the Super Nintendo was released. But that doesn’t matter. For half a decade, Sonic’s 16-bit 2D adventures rocked my Sega. I had every one of the series games and I loved them all. Although, damn that original game for not having the sequels “spin dash” move.

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The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3: The Complete Series
by Shawn McLoughlin

As I mentioned before in my review of The Wizard, the first movie to pimp a videogame, (I don’t count Cloak & Dagger because the Atari 5200 game went unreleased) you couldn’t talk about videogames in 1989-1990 without Super Mario Bros. 3 coming up. Nintendo and its world dominating Nintendo Entertainment System console had almost no competition. Even with the lack of competitive pressure they still released what many consider to be the best platformer ever made. In fact, they knew that it would be a classic from before it was released. Even the commercial was packed full of grandeur.

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Angel-A
by Shawn McLoughlin

Luc Besson kind of disappeared from directing at the turn of the Millennium. I’m not sure why. It could it be that 1999’s The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc was met with such heavy (and IMO unfounded) criticism, or is it possible that his divorce from Milla Jovovich put him in such an incredible depression that he was contemplating killing himself by jumping into the Seine? Hell, I would – and that’s exactly what the protagonist of Angel-A attempts.

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Arthur And The Invisibles
by Shawn McLoughlin

A service to the readers: Here are some facts about myself and my relation to the film we discuss today.

1. I had never, ever, ever heard of Arthur And The Invisibles.
2. I never knew that the film got a theatrical release.
3. I like boobies (not that that has anything to do with this film, I’m just saying).
4. I never knew that there was a book series prior to this film.
5. I had no clue that video games were made off these characters for the PS2, Gameboy Advance and Nintendo DS.
6. I rarely watch films obviously intended for a prepubescent audience (nostalgic releases aside).

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Basket Case 2
by Shawn McLoughlin

Frank Henenlotter’s Basket Case was a film nearly as odd as its post-production history. Tailor made for the grindhouses of 42nd Street, Basket Case followed the exploits of a man named Duane Bradley (Kevin Van Hentenryck) and his deformed, separated Siamese twin Belial. While Duane was otherwise normal, the duo hunted down and murdered the doctors that separated them in their youth without their consent.

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Ben-Hur: 4-disc Collector’s Edition
by Shawn McLoughlin

At the time, William Wyler’s 1959 version of Ben-Hur (the 3rd film version) was the absolute biggest spectacle the cinematic world had ever seen. If the film was not a success, it would have spelled doom for MGM. At the time of pre-production they were nearly bankrupt, and with the budget surpassing a then unprecedented $15 million mark, MGM literally had all fingers crossed and needed a success. Of course it was, and MGM continued on for nearly 50 more years (selling out this year to Sony, with the 2005 remake of The Amityville Horror being the last true MGM film.) It is safe to say, if you enjoyed any of MGM’s releases for the past four-plus decades (the Bond films, the Pink Panther films, etc.), you owe it to Ben-Hur.

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Black Christmas (2006) - Unrated
by Shawn McLoughlin

Remakes. Reimaginings. Updates. Reworkings.

Call them whatever the hell you want to call them. Call them crap. Let’s get this out of the way. Remakes happen. They happen because people pay to see them. No one gives two shits about how “untouchable” a franchise is or how Pop Icon A could never possibly be recast as someone else. Remakes are happening still and they are going to continue happening. So go take your opinions on Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), Psycho (1998), Assault On Precinct 13 (2005) and all other remade films of the last two decades and go stick your complaints where the son doesn’t shine.

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Black Roses (1988)
by Shawn McLoughlin

As far as horror subgenres go, there are probably more Heavy Metal horror films than you might think. It doesn't just begin and end with Rock 'N' Roll Nightmare. I can think of at least four others off the top of my head. Of them, probably one of the better made films was Black Roses, which has held a special place in my memory since discovering it about eight years ago on a bootlegged VHS tape. 

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Black Test Car
by Shawn McLoughlin

When you think about corporate and/or political greed, cover-ups and wrongdoings, what films come to mind? The first thing to come to my mind is Sidney Lumet’s Network. As the years pass it becomes ever more obviously a piece of prophetic art. I was quite surprised then to find a film made 14 years prior to Network, which skews the seedy side of the automobile industry as harshly as Lumet’s film attacked the media. Even more surprising is that such a bitingly cynical and sarcastic film comes from Japan. That film is Yasuzo Masumura’s Black Test Car.

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Blade Runner – The Final Cut
by Shawn McLoughlin

I can’t think of a single film that resonates with me like Blade Runner. Sure, I write a lot of tongue-in-cheek reviews on even cheekier films that I claim nothing but wholehearted ecstatic love for. Films like Zapped!, Cherry 2000 and The Legend of Billie Jean are classics to my eyes, and I love them. I’ve seen them so many times that I’ve lost count and I never tire of watching them. I can state now, though, that I’ve seen Blade Runner at least 60 or 70 times over the years. It usually gets watched at least every six months or so, and if not the full film, then most certainly specific scenes. I’m a fan. You’re going to find some bias here. Keeping me in check with something I’m so passionate about is impossible. But since you’re reading this, you’re probably just as horny over seeing Scott’s “Final Cut” as I was a few weeks ago, unless you’ve already seen it. If you haven’t, well you’re probably really only interested in what’s different from the first so-called “Director’s Cut” from 1992. Well here it is… you ready?

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BloodRayne: Unrated Director's Cut
by Shawn McLoughlin

I somewhat idolize Uwe Boll.

His House Of The Dead is a brilliant piece of cinema. It is such a gleefully inept film, it has had me in hysterics more than any comedy this millennium, making it infinitely rewatchable. Alone In The Dark wasn't as enjoyable, but it still had some laughably bad moments. Unlike House, though, they are spaced out with much boredom in-between. Blackwoods, Sanctimony, and Heart Of America (Boll’s previous three films) are all direct-to-TV efforts - if that. Yet while all of these films are at times comedy gold, they are still pretty goddamn bad.

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The Blood Rose
by Shawn McLoughlin

France isn’t exactly well known for their horror output. In fact, aside from a few true classics, not even that much horror exists from the 1960s-1980s. There are a number of reasons for this, but it boils down that “Les fantastiques” weren’t very profitable, and better options were constantly being imported from the U.S., Britain and Italy. Why should they bother?

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The Bollywood Horror Collection - Volume 1
by Shawn McLoughlin

Bollywood.

The mere mention of the word brings images of poor young Hindu men pining for the love of Hindu women, who happen to be daughters of old rich Hindu men – and expressing it all in song.

Who knew that India made horror movies? I never thought so, but if there is something obscure and interesting in world cinema, you can bet your sweet ass that Mondo Macabro is going to find it and release it on a glorious five-inch silver platter. This time out, they found TWO rare titles and decided to package them together. So what horror goodness lies within?

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The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down
by Shawn McLoughlin

In the halcyon days of my youth, I used to “get down” quite frequently.

Of course, "getting down" could mean any number of things, from getting down on the dance floor, getting down in the bedroom (or the nearest lavatory) or getting down with drugs (do not confuse with getting down “with the sickness”). I’ve done it all, but I haven’t been a superfreak since before Rick James died. So when I heard that some young filmmakers created The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down, a smile crossed my face. I decided to examine from the relative safety of my couch how today’s kids are "getting down".

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The Breakfast Club
by Shawn McLoughlin

There are lots of great teen films from many talented directors. When it comes down to it though, only one filmmaker truly made a career out of it – John Hughes. I don’t know if he is the type of guy who never grew up, or the type who lamented for high school days gone by. To be honest, I just don’t know that much about him. Certainly he isn’t celebrated in the same way as Stanley Kubrick, Alfred Hitchcock or Martin Scorsese, and seeing as how his major successes are almost exclusively in one genre may limit fair analysis of his directorial talent. But that only brings up a larger question.

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Chinatown – Special Collector’s Edition
by Shawn McLoughlin

Imagine for a moment you’re a private eye. A woman named Mrs. Mulwray asks you to spy on her husband to see if he’s been cheating on her. He’s a powerful man controlling the water and power to Los Angeles. You advise her that she’s probably better off not knowing and not wasting her money. But she insists, and you take the job, snap the pictures and you’re through. You’ve been paid. You’re done. You’ve lost count of the amount of times you’ve exposed extra-marital shenanigans. It’s your job and you do it well. This one was no different.

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Christmas Evil
by Shawn McLoughlin

Once upon a time, my local mom-and-pop video rental store had 99 cent rentals on catalogue titles and two-for-one specials on Tuesday’s. When I was just out of high-school, but before I had a real full time job, I used to rent six VHS tapes on Tuesday morning, watch four of them, and rent another four that same day. Four dollars put me in video heaven - and my VCR on the fritz - as I rented up nearly every horror film that the store had. They had Christmas Evil, but I never felt inclined to rent it. Considering most of the crap that I did rent during my ten-films-per-week period, I owe Christmas Evil a serious apology – I really should have watched it years ago. But fate works in strange ways, and recently Christmas Evil arrived in my mailbox from our promotions department. Finally, after years of putting it off, I would have to watch it. But was it worth the wait?

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The Creature From The Black Lagoon - The Legacy Collection
by Shawn McLoughlin & Cary Christopher
October 27, 2006

On an expedition in the Amazon, scientists uncover what appear to be the remains of a missing link between fish and man. Soon a new expedition is launched in an effort to find out if a living specimen can be located and captured, but the expedition encounters more than it bargained for. Entering a habitat known as The Black Lagoon, where legend has it no one has successfully returned from, the scientists find what they are looking for but the creature has plans of its own, involving a beautiful young female scientist. Julie Adams and Richard Carlson star in this Universal classic.

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Cutie Honey – Limited Edition
by Shawn McLoughlin

Imagine the most sugar-packed breakfast cereal you can think of. My personal favorite is Cap’n Crunch’s Peanut Butter Crunch, although I am sure there are worse morning energy sources. Now imagine a huge salad bowl full of this cereal. Instead of your standard moo-juice, a melted vanilla milkshake is poured on top to properly lubricate the crunchy goodness. You’re probably sweating just thinking about the overload you’d receive by eating this -- yet this breakfast of champions alone cannot provide the energy needed for the average person to get through the entire live-action Cutie Honey movie. One important, critical ingredient is missing.

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Demon hunter
by Shawn McLoughlin

So the premise of Demon Hunter goes something like this: Half demon, half human, all stoic Jake Greyman (Sean Patrick Flannery – playing himself) works for the Catholic Church. His origins, to the best of my recollection, were never explained. But he decides that he doesn’t need to be evil and helps the Church destroy demons that are being born into the world. In his mission to track down the main demon (of lust) Asmodeus (Billy Drago – playing himself), he teams up with a nun. This nun happens to look like Angelina Jolie, but she is a nun nevertheless. Along the way, there are ample opportunities to give in to his demon impulses.

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Demon hunter
by Shawn McLoughlin

Who doesn’t like Hitchcock? Stupid people, that’s who. If you are bipedal, and know how to chew your food so you don’t kill yourself while eating, chances are you are likely to recognize Hitchcock’s genius. If you don’t, click the back button, go to the IMDB, and get your ass to the video store. Alfred Hitchcock is one of the best directors of all time, everyone else knows it but you, so go get yourself an education. And remember: the socks go on before the shoes. 

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Doctor Who - Genesis Of The Daleks
by Shawn McLoughlin

Genesis Of The Daleks is a goddamned perfect Doctor Who story. 

Now, I’ve always been a fairly big fan of Doctor Who and I, like most American fans, consider Tom Baker (the Fourth Doctor) my favorite Doctor. There may be some unfair bias here and I recognize this, not just because Tom Baker played the Doctor for a longer time than any other actor, but also because they were the stories consistently reran on PBS throughout the 1980s, despite the fact that he left the role in 1981.

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Doctor Who - Revelation Of The Daleks
by Shawn McLoughlin

Genesis Of The Daleks is a goddamned perfect Doctor Who story.

Revelation Of The Daleks is not.

For one, it has like, the most non-threatening incarnation of Davros ever. For two, it's an exceptionally bleak and dark story but isn't ever scary. For thirds, it’s a Sixth Doctor story starring Colin Baker.

Sorry. That last bit was just harsh.

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Doctor Who - Robot
by Shawn McLoughlin

The Pertwee years are hotly debated to this day by Doctor Who fans, and I can understand both sides.

During most of the Third Doctor’s run, he remained banished to Earth, making the TARDIS more of a prop that could be called upon only when advanced technology was needed. More aliens attempted to invade Earth during this time than any other, and together UNIT and the Doctor saved the day. So while most of the fans really liked Pertwee in the role, a lot of them didn’t like the lack of outer space environments and, being saddled with UNIT, the stories were limited in the directions they could take. This changed toward the end of Pertwee’s run, but an even more drastic change would come as the Doctor approached his third regeneration, becoming a Time Lord of eccentricity, wit, confidence and outrageousness. It all began in Robot.

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Doctor Who - Survival
by Shawn McLoughlin

26 seasons.

Just think about that for a minute. 26 years worth of programming. Sure, there was a pause in the mid-80s, but (in the UK) every year, for 26 years, there was some form of Doctor Who was on television.

That’s really impressive. How many shows lasted more than 26 years, or even come close? I’m not going to look, but I do know that it made Doctor Who the longest running sci-fi program in the history of television, so much so that it earned a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records.

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Doom
by Shawn McLoughlin

Doom. The word itself resonates with such nihilistic finality. To be doomed, or to meet doom is to meet an end. There is nothing more you will be doing. Cancel all appointments you have, because – let’s face it – you’re fucked. There are few words in the English language that say so much and yet are so simplistic. The word “doom” makes “condemned” seem like a walk in the park.

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Double Game
by Shawn McLoughlin

Random crime. Brutal crime. Lots of crime! This is the best way to describe the opening scenes of Double Game. There is little build up to the scenes, and the characters are relatively nameless. A rape/murder, a beatdown and a series of shootings happen within the first five minutes alone. There is no protagonist, and no identifiable antagonists. What you get is simply a series of sickening crimes that prove one thing: The streets of Turin are tough ones. If one night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble, than one night in Turin means he is going to get the shit kicked out of him royally, if not killed. Crime runs rampant - but one man is ready to put an end to it.

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Dracula - The Legacy Collection
by Shawn McLoughlin & Cary Christopher
October 23, 2006

Inspired by the novel by Bram Stoker, this is the story of Count Dracula (Bela Lugosi), a 500-year-old vampire who moves from his castle in Transylvania to England in search of better hunting grounds. With the help of Renfield (Dwight Frye), he acquires a new residence near a mental asylum and begins preying on local women. Only Professor Van Helsing (Edward Van Sloan) knows how to stop the vampire and he must convince his comrades to take up the cause before Dracula can make the lovely Mina (Helen Chandler) his next bride. Directed by Tod Browning and shot by Karl Freund, this movie established Bela Lugosi as a household name and is considered a true horror classic.

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Dummy
by Shawn McLoughlin

We might as well get this started bluntly with a couple of questions. Do you like Wes Anderson’s movies? Did you enjoy Garden State? If you do, there is a very good chance that you are going to like Greg Pritikin’s Dummy. The film shares the same structure and tries to set the same mood. If you don’t like those films, don’t bother. Otherwise, you need to see this movie, because it offers more charm than any other film in recent memory.

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Eat My Dust – Supercharged Edition
by Shawn McLoughlin

Let's pretend that you never heard of this movie, which for some of you might not be much of a stretch. What images does a title like Eat My Dust conjure up?

Does it feel like a nice little sleepy chick flick? Do you think that this would be an emotionally heart wrenching baseball flick? Perhaps you think that it could be a dystopian sci-fi flick or a documentary on pointillism. No, it must be a sequel to The Adventures of Milo & Otis. 

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