Married... With Children - The Complete Seventh Season
by Shawn McLoughlin

I’m sorry, but I feel the need to start out this review with a series of apologies.

I’m sorry to . I wasted our owner’s time and effort by carelessly requesting a copy of Married… With Children – The Complete Seventh Season, knowing damn full and well that I was going to hate it.

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The Marsh
by Shawn McLoughlin

A successful children’s book writer, Claire Holloway (Gabrielle Anwar, Scent Of A Woman) is currently touring for her latest book, “The Swamp.” As successful as she is, though, Holloway is continuously haunted by visions of her childhood and events she no longer remembers. She does not realize these are memories, of course; she believes they are just dreams. Therapy having proven unhelpful, she decides to venture on a retreat to the sleepy town of Marshville in Westmoreland County. But Holloway soon realizes that the place she’s been dreaming about is the very place she’ll be living in … and all her nightmares are about to become reality.

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Masters Of Horror: Jenifer
by Shawn McLoughlin

“I’d hit it” is the battle cry of a good percentage of undersexed males on the Internet. In fact, if you are reading this review, then you are probably one of them. Well if you are tired of debating whether or not you would rather “hit” Rosie O’Donnell in Exit To Eden or a cold sore laden Tara Ried, this latest entry in the popular Masters Of Horror series, Dario Argento’s Jenifer, will provide you with a brand new benchmark for discussion to test the limits of the already small list of things you kinda, sorta, probably, wouldn’t stick your dick in.

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Masters Of Horror: Pelts
by Shawn McLoughlin

Betrayed.

This is what horror fans felt by the end of the first season of Masters Of Horror. With its incredible list of genre directors, hype was expected, and hyped the show became. After all, this was the most promising horror anthology since Tales From The Crypt. But something was amiss with this new series. The fact is, a large number of episodes simply weren’t that good, and this was made all the more upsetting having been created by the world’s greatest horror veterans.

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Meatballs - Special Edition
by Shawn McLoughlin

There were an awful lot of camp-based movies released in the 1980’s. While, predominately, they centered around the more exploitable horror and sex romp genres of on-the-cheap filmmaking, films like Friday The 13th, Little Darlings, Cheerleader Camp and a great many more non-camp centered films all owe respect to the film that really soared the camp film to popularity – Meatballs.

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Miss Potter
by Shawn McLoughlin

The children’s literature market is, in many ways, the easiest to break into but the toughest to find any longevity in. For every Pat the Bunny, Goodnight Moon and The Very Hungry Caterpillar, there are thousands of forgotten children's books that go out of print quickly and are never heard of again. There simply aren’t that many Richard Scarry level authors out there. So it’s compelling that through all the changes that the world has gone through economically, politically and socially, Beatrix Potter’s books are still incredibly popular today when many of them are over 100 years old. Chances are, even if her name doesn’t ring any bells, you either had some of her books as a child or there are some on your own child’s shelf right now. Books like The Tale of Peter Rabbit and The Tale of Benjamin Bunny are likely to stir some memories.

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Mission: Impossible (Special Collector’s Edition)
by Shawn McLoughlin

The prospect of making a theatrical film out of a now-dated television series may have been daunting, and possibly intriguing, to potential script-writers. It had been over 23 years from the time the original Mission: Impossible left the television airwaves, and nearly a decade since a failed attempt to re-launch this Cold War-era series when even the ramifications of that war were all but non-existent. Thankfully, it landed in competent hands that realized the difference between what is relevant and what is cool, but more importantly, how to combine them.

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Mr. Bean's Holiday
by Shawn McLoughlin

Being a man, and having a sense of humor, I am genetically predisposed to liking slapstick. Women, many men may tell you that they don't like pie-in-the-face slapstick comedy. This is simply a lie used in order to get in your pants. There is not a man out there that won't laugh at the Three Stooges. If they don't then something is queer about them, and I don't mean their sexuality. Seriously, drop him like it's hot. He's probably the next Ed Gein. At the same time, we men recognize the fact that this is not something that women commonly see eye-to-eye on. That's okay; we've given up trying to tell you what's funny.

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The Mod Squad – Season 1, Volume 1
by Shawn McLoughlin

When it comes right down to it, The Mod Squad isn’t a show I should give a rat’s ass about.

Not only did the show end its run half a decade before I was born, but it never really did catch on in reruns to my knowledge. I was fortunate enough to watch the series (or more accurately, whatever episodes were rebroadcast) towards the tail end of the 1980’s. I honestly don’t even recall what network I should be thanking for this. But my bored gradeschooler obsession with The Mod Squad should have been something I outgrew rather quickly. It didn’t work out that way though, and while plot details turned into little more than fuzzy memories, the ideals of Linc, Julie and Pete stuck with me to this very day – even after the unfairly maligned 1999 big screen revival.

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The Mummy - The Legacy Collection
by Shawn McLoughlin & Cary Christopher
October 25, 2006

The Mummy, directed by Karl Freund, begins with the discovery of a tomb in Egypt in 1922 where the high priest Im-Ho-Tep is accidentally awakened and escapes into the wilderness. Ten years later, Im-Ho-Tep has cleaned up and taken on a new identity as Ardeth Bey. Pretending to help an expedition looking to uncover another tomb, he is actually working to reanimate the body of the woman he died for 3000 years ago.

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Mystics in Bali
by Shawn McLoughlin

Indonesia breeds different films than the rest of the world. As far from Hollywood as you can get, the low-budget titles that they put out are amazing, but not so much in a “that is great” way, as much as a “what the fuck am I watching?” kind of way. That applies to any genre of film that they make, but especially so for the horror genre, where the only thing holding back the filmmaker’s creativity is their budgets.

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National Lampoon's Vacation - 20th Anniversary Special Edition
by Shawn McLoughlin

Who hasn’t been on a vacation from Hell? I don’t think I’ve met a single person whose family hasn’t gone on a trip with the best of intentions without something going wrong. Either they lost their car keys, forgot their airline tickets, or were imprisoned in Turkey and sentenced to 20 years for trying to smuggle hashish. Regardless of the incident, in general it’s something that nearly everyone can relate to. In National Lampoon’s Vacation, some things tend to go wrong on the Griswold’s family vacation. “Some things” being the summation of every wrong thing that has happened to everyone you ever knew on every vacation they ever took – and all at the same time.

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The Natural (1984) – Director’s Cut
by Shawn McLoughlin

I’m sure everyone knows the plot of The Natural. Roy Hobbs (Robert Redford, The Sting) is an up and coming baseball star. During a contest outside of a fair, he successfully strikes out “The Whammer” (Joe Don Baker, Fletch), the best hitter in the sport. Unfortunately, in doing so, he attracts the attention of Harriet Bird (Barbara Hershey, Boxcar Bertha) a nutcase who has been seducing and killing the best athletes of various sports. Roy doesn’t meet death at the receiving end of her silver bullet. He does meet the end of his baseball career, though.

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Night of the Lepus
by Shawn McLoughlin

In the late 1970s, there was a resurgence of the “killer animal” breed of films last popular in the “Atomic Age” of the ‘50s when hits like THEM! and Earth Vs. The Spider took up massive amounts of drive-in space. Now, a good chunk of those ‘70s films were good, even surprisingly so. Thanks to Jaws, we got flicks like Orca and sometimes a rare cinematic gem like The Big Alligator River. But the film we discuss today doesn’t fall into either category. Released to near obscurity in 1972, long after the ‘50s’ scare films and long before the Jaws boom, it is a surprise that Night Of The Lepus ever found an audience, let alone retains a cult following over 30 years later.

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9 Songs – Director’s Cut
by Shawn McLoughlin

Lisa (Margo Stilley) is a student. She has a job, although it is never clearly explained what she does for a living. Matt (Kieran O’Brien) is a glaciologist and spends time studying them in the best possible environment for doing so: Antarctica. They meet at the Brixton Academy in London during a Black Rebel Motorcycle Club concert (“What Ever Happened To My Rock and Roll”) and then they fuck (and yes, let’s get this out of the way: they really do have actual sex on film.) So begins the saga of our two young lovers.

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Overlord - The Criterion Collection
by Shawn McLoughlin

Like any other well-adjusted American male, I love World War II. I certainly am not the type that loves war itself, but I do find World War II to be incredibly interesting, and I always find myself stuck on documentaries about WWII when I flip past The History Channel or The Military Channel. I eat up this type of material, although I can’t put my finger on any one really good reason.

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Padre Pio: Miracle Man
by Shawn McLoughlin

So I have come to the realization on the selection process on how the Catholic Church canonizes Saints. Working miracles is only part of it. Really, what you need to do is simply be persecuted by your own brothers for your entire life.  The more scandals you are framed as being part of, the more detentions you are forced unjustly to serve, and the amount of assholes you have to deal with on a day-to-day basis are directly proportionate to your likelihood of becoming a Saint.

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Parts: The Clonus Horror (Special Edition)
by Shawn McLoughlin

Not often, but sometimes, there is someone out there with the gift of extreme foresight. They are able to determine the direction that science is heading and they create something that is total science fiction, which feels absolutely fantastic and impossible – until it’s actually on the news.

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The Pinky Violence Collection
by Shawn McLoughlin

Girls kick ass. I mean, girls really do kick ass. It has taken Hollywood a while to understand this, but they are starting to catch on. In the 1980s, we had Ellen Ripley, in the 1990s we had Sarah Connor, and today they are pretty plentiful. Predating all of that, the only real ass-kicking women were found in the exploitation and sexploitation films of the 1970s. Unbeknownst to many, even die-hard genre fans, the Japanese had their own genre of film called “Sukeban,” or Girl Boss. This genre is a sort of pastiche of many others. A little bit of Women in Prison, a little bit of Women’s Revenge, and a little bit of Yakuza. The genre was a success throughout much of the 1970s, paralleling the success of the American exploitation films. Ironically though, even the most average Sukeban film is better than most American exploitation. To prove this (and entertain us in the process), a new DVD company called Panik House has released The Pinky Violence Collection – four examples of certified awesome sure to whet your appetite for more.

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Pixar: Short Films Collection – Volume 1
by Shawn McLoughlin

There are a lot of animation studios out there. You have ones that just do commercials and the various studios that stick with Saturday morning fare. There’s Disney, of course, and then there is that company that consistently makes Disney movie knock-offs almost immediately after the film in question is released. Like someone who sells fake Prada shoes, Coach bags and Rolex watches, I can’t imagine anyone being fooled by them, and in fact, I thoroughly question the consumers who patron such films.

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Platoon: 20th Anniversary Edition
by Shawn McLoughlin

War means a lot of things to a lot of people. To some it means unnecessary death. To others it is the ultimate in patriotism. Most fall somewhere in the middle, with viewpoints that angle in one direction or another. Traditionally, war films during the studio era were, right through the 1970s, tilted much more towards overt patriotism. This was no surprise, really, since America had never lost a major war to that point. Coming off of an amazing victory in World War II over quite possibly the most easily demonized villains in written history, America was seemingly invincible. We were an unstoppable force. Nothing could stand in our way.

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Prince & The New Power Generation: Diamonds & Pearls - Video Collection
by Shawn McLoughlin

Do they still make video albums like they did in the 1980s and 1990s? Not content to simply put together a compilation of video clips or live performances, some bands would combine the two and build a framework around them, creating a sort of video album. There would be transitions of some kind between the songs, usually short interview segments with music in the background, or some sort of dramatic clip. Diamonds And Pearls Video Collection is a classic example of the video album.

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Prison-A-Go-Go!
by Shawn McLoughlin

If I wasn’t alerted in advance that I would be receiving Barak Epstein’s Prison-A-Go-Go! in my mailbox I would have shouted with glee as my neighbors stared at me. This is the type of film that I live for, and I loved it before I even watched a single minute. I was going to put this off and watch it over the weekend, but the lifespan of the shrink wrap was limited to about fifteen minutes.

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Prey (2007)
by Shawn McLoughlin

“Will man outwit the beast… or be the feast”

Yes, folks. This is an actual quote from the blurb for Prey, the new direct-to-video flick from your favorite guys that film movies and then let them sit on a shelf – the Weinsteins!

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The Pursuit Of Happyness
by Shawn McLoughlin

When it came out at the end of 2006, The Pursuit Of Happyness seemed tailor-made as Oscar Bait. But it just couldn’t hang with the likes of Babel and The Departed. Completely passed over for everything except being nominated for Will Smith’s admittedly wonderful performance, The Pursuit Of Happyness went home empty handed, and similar disappointment was found from similar award ceremonies world wide, despite being exceptionally well-received.

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Re-Animator
by Shawn McLoughlin

Are you a horror film fan? Then you probably should just skip to the extras section. There isn’t a thing that I can tell you about Re-Animator that you don’t already know. You’ve seen the film before. You’ve probably purchased at least one of the previous two DVD releases of the film and you really just want to know what’s so fucking different that you should spend your crack money on this. Seriously, press Ctrl+F, type “extras” and hit Enter.

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Resident Evil/Resident Evil: Apocalypse – Resurrected Edition
by Shawn McLoughlin

I’ve been a “gamer” my whole life. I don’t revolve my life around it, so I may not be as hardcore as most, but I don’t know how else to say it. We had an Atari 2600 in my house when I was two, and there has been at least one console hooked up to my television ever since.

I’ve played at least one game in every major franchise. But despite nearing 30 years of game playing, my favorite franchise is a more recent one. It makes sense, too, that a video game that allowed me to place myself in my favorite genre of films and attempt to avoid the zombie infestation of a beautiful mansion would be the one to win me over for all time. That game was Resident Evil for the Sony PlayStation.

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Resident Evil: Extinction – Special Edition
by Shawn McLoughlin

I’ve been a “gamer” my whole life. I don’t revolve my life around it, so I may not be as hardcore as most, but I don’t know how else to say it. We had an Atari 2600 in my house when I was two, and there has been at least one console hooked up to my television ever since.

I’ve played at least one game in every major franchise. But despite nearing 30 years of game playing, my favorite franchise is a more recent one. It makes sense, too, that a video game that allowed me to place myself in my favorite genre of films and attempt to avoid the zombie infestation of a beautiful mansion would be the one to win me over for all time. That game was Resident Evil for the Sony PlayStation.

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Robin Hood - Season One
by Shawn McLoughlin

Few heroic figures have ever been as popular or as enduring as Robin Hood. Almost since the time he allegedly lived, his exploits have been passed down through plays, novels and films. He’s a legend that goes back well over 500 years and is as recognizable today as ever. I’m not going to go into plot minutiae of the BBC television series Robin Hood. Suffice it to say that there’s an evil sheriff and a troupe that fights against him led by our titular hero. Complicating things further, Robin loves a woman that’s engaged to one of the sheriff’s men. The story takes place in the city of Nottingham and the forests around it. You need more than that? Pick up a book or pick up this DVD.

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Rock 'N' Roll Nightmare
by Shawn McLoughlin

There are lots of so-called film scholars who think they know what they are talking about when they ramble on about the so-called greatest era in film history. But I, Shawn McLoughlin, reviewer, will let you in on a little secret.

They don’t know shit.

They will tell you that the '70s was an important time in film history. They will speak up and down about the studio revolution. The Deer Hunter, Taxi Driver, Apocalypse Now, Nashville… blah, blah, fucking blah – Fuck all that noise!

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