Every five years, my wife and I renew our wedding vows. At five years, it was on a beach in Sanibel, FL, fifteen was by Elvis at the Graceland Chapel in Las Vegas, NV, and this year, our twentieth, we renewed them at Fenway Park prior to a baseball game. This is the Midway, however, and this column is about our tenth anniversary, when we held our vow renewal on a roller coaster, and got stuck.  Getting stuck on a roller coaster is not a whole lot of fun, especially if one is upside down. Luckily we were not quite upside down, but it still sort of sucked, especially in full wedding regalia.

It all started ten years ago, as were sending in our registration for the ACE (American Coaster Enthusiasts) annual convention at Kings Dominion in Doswell, VA. We received as part of the registration a letter from the park itself. They had a new coaster for that year, a LIM (Linear Induction Magnetic) coaster named Outer Limits: Flight of Fear, and they wished to publicize it by having a wedding vow renewal. They asked for a short written letter from interested couples having significant anniversaries, and said they would choose the best entries.  

We had been wracking our brain trying to come up with a place and time to do our 10th vows anyway, and this seemed like the perfect fit. We sent off our letter and started to plan. I had decided I would buy one of those tuxedo t-shirts to wear, and my wife was looking into t-shirts with bridal themes. A few weeks later we received a letter from the parksaying we had been amongst the 12 couples chosen to be in the ceremony. They strongly suggested that the grooms wear suits or tuxedos. The brides were advised to wear their original gowns, unless they had a long train, and that head wear, such as veils would not be allowed, unless small and well secured.  Needless to say, we were taken aback. We had no idea they would be so serious about it all. 

We took my wife’s gown out of storage, and since it was knee length, she decided to wear it. I decided to wear a suit jacket, vest, a nice shirt, no tie, and shorts on the bottom as I figured no one would be seeing that part of me. We packed the required attire, picked up our friend Dick, who often accompanies us on roller coaster trips, and started driving to Virginia.  The convention was spread over five days, and the wedding vow ceremony was scheduled for the next to last day we were there, so all of the couples had an opportunity to ride Outer Limits: Flights of Fear, before the big day. 

Big problem – the ride sucked. I mean sucked. Boring, rough, and with awful over the shoulder restraints that boxed your head around whenever the coaster shimmied, which was pretty much constantly. We didn’t know who else was going to be doing the vow renewal with us, but we were hoping that at least one set of couples would like the ride, but didn’t hold out a lot of hope that a hard core group of ACEers would. 

The ceremony was being held around 7:30 AM so that we could be on the early morning local shows live, as well as a national appearance on Good Morning America.  We asked the hotel for a 5 AM wake up call since Dick can take a while to get going in the morning, we had to be at the coaster by 6:30 AM, and our hotel was a 20-minute drive from the park. I woke up to the sun streaming through the window. I turned and saw that it was 5:45 AM. No wake up call. I hustled my wife out of bed, and in for a fast shower. After she got out, I woke up Dick and quickly showered. He shuffled off to the bathroom after I was done, but just started showering at 6:15 AM.  I yelled into the bathroom that we couldn’t wait for him, and would be back after the service (approximately at 8:30 AM) to pick him up and head back to the park for fun. 

We bolted out of the hotel in our wedding duds, and thanks to empty roads and ignoring the speed limit, we made it to the parking lot by 6:35. A quick walk back to the coaster and we were about 10 minutes late. Not bad considering.  A park representative explained that there were going to be tons of cameras around, and that we should be as upbeat about the ride and park as possible. Commencing with some small talk amongst the grooms (the brides had been sequestered away from us), it was obvious that none of us in attendance liked this coaster. It was going to be hard to say anything too positive about it to the press, but most of what they asked were things like, “How long have you been married?” and “Do you really like riding roller coasters?” 

Finally, the national news guys were ready, and we were herded into the loading platform. I will admit that the park had outdone itself. They had decorated the whole station with flowers, including big bouquets on each entrance way onto the train, and all of the coaster staff was decked out in tuxedos. The brides then entered through a different door way to the strains of The Wedding March. After everyone got situated in their seats (we were towards the back of the train) a Baptist pastor gave a nice non-denominational service. He gave us a final blessing, and then the coaster shot forward out of the loading platform reaching 60 MPH before entering the building that houses the ride. 

This ride is a multi-looping steel roller coaster that uses LIM technology to launch. The ride takes place in a darkened building, where all you can see are day-glow signs and such. It is basically just a coaster in a dark room.  We went through the coaster course, getting shaken, and head boxed by the awful restraints, until we came to a stop in the area of the track where normally you would disembark the ride.  The park employees were there to greet us, and they asked us if we would ride the coaster a second time, as the press would like more pictures and video. 

No one really wanted to do it. As I stated, we all pretty much hated this ride, and one rough 7:30 AM ride on it was plenty for us. But our name is American Coaster Enthusiasts, fer chrissakes, so are we going to say “NO we won’t ride it again!”?  So we stayed in our uncomfortable seats, and chugged through the section of track that led back to the loading station. 

Here is where things get a bit sticky. It seems from speaking to people after the event, we returned to the launching station much faster than a train would have been had the passengers disembarked as usual.  Also, since we were already seated and buckled in, we were ready to leave the station for ride number two, faster than normal. This was our downfall.  

LIM coasters use rare earth electro magnets to power the train through the station. Due to their design, they require a certain amount of time to re-power. If they do not re-power completely, there will be much less thrust than is needed.  We were shot out again, and almost immediately, you could notice we were not going as fast. After you are shot into the building, you go into a loop, a quick right turn, and you ascend into a high right banking curve. After that there is a very small hill followed by a piece of straight track. We chugged into the banked turn, and I said to my wife, “We’re going way too slow.” The front of the train inched up the small hill and stopped. The whole train then slowly rocked back and forth on the track 3 or 4 times until we stopped, in the dark. 

At first silence. Then we started talking amongst ourselves. I noted that in about two minutes it would be apparent we weren’t coming back. About five minutes later a person on the floor with a flashlight said that help was on the way, and made his way to a box in the center of the ride and turned on the lights. Now we could see our predicament. We were in the banked turn. The front of the train was on track just before the hill, and they were pretty much sitting up straight. The track bends as you go further back, however, and we, in the third seat from the back are at about an 80 degree angle to the floor. That floor is concrete and about 60 feet below us. Luckily there were seat dividers, so that the brides didn’t all end up sliding down against the grooms. 

Oh, and it’s hot. It’s June in Virginia, and we’re in a non-air conditioned building. Air conditioning isn’t needed when you’re traveling 45-50 MPH through the silo shaped building, but when you’re stopped, it’s hot.

After a while a load of people arrived and a moving crane on the ceiling dropped a disturbingly thin wire and hook, which hooked onto what looked like a shark cage with open sides that was about 8 feet long and 3 feet wide. In this are three firefighters, and one parkguy. They move the cage over next to the coaster. 

“Aren’t you going to push us over so we can finish the circuit?” from some one up front. “Nope” was the answer, “You’d just get stuck somewhere worse. We’re taking you out here.” 

Then, they started at the front and began to place belts around each of our waists. Now many of the members of ACE can run XL and up, so by the time they got to us, they had run out of XL belts, and only had large. First they released the harnesses, and put a belt on my wife, but I laughed when the guy tried to get a large belt around me. He called the crew chief over. The crew chief grabs a roll of seat belt material, and after he excuses himself, stands with one leg between my legs, one between my wife’s, and his ass in her face. Since she found him cute, this didn’t bother her much. (In her notes on the first draft of this she wrote, “Still remember that ass”).  

He tells me he’s going to make me a “hasty hitch.” I tell him I don’t much like the name. I feel he should take his time. He wraps the seat belt material around my middle, between my legs like a parachute, and under my arms, tying it back around my middle again. He assures me that if I were to fall, it would stop me from dying, but that it would hurt like hell. I told him I wasn’t falling anywhere today. 

After everyone was belted, they took out the folks in the last seat, as they were the most uncomfortable, being at the greatest angle. There was a man who was having chest discomfort in front, so they took him next. Each car of four people would require them clamping you onto the coaster and the cage, helping you into the cage, and unclamping from the coaster. Once all four people were in the cage, it would slide over to where there was a staircase down.  About 4 ½ hours after we got onto the ride, we got into the cage and walked down five flights of stairs.  Everyone stayed until the last people came down, 45 minutes after us. 

After thanking the rescuers we were speaking with park personnel, and my wife remarked that this must be a PR nightmare. She replied, “I’m not worried, we have a really good relationship with the press.” Later the park sent us a video tape of all the local and national footage (providing the crummy screen grabs), and a packet of all the print coverage. In all the coverage, only one local newspaper made any mention that we were stuck at all. In 1997, we were barely a foot note; in 2007 we would have been on every news show in the country. They gave each of us a free Outer Limits t-shirt. 

We were worried about something, though. Dick was stuck back at the hotel. We had told him we’d be back by 8:30 or so, and here it was nearly 2 PM. We had no cell phone, so we just rushed back. We burst into the room to find him lying on the bed, smoking a cigarette, watching Gwar on Jerry Springer. “Hey.” Says Dick. “Are we going to the park?” 

My wife didn’t want her name used or face shown online, so she and another ACEer got the blue dot treatment in the screen grabs. 

See you next month in the queue line.