 Remakes. Reimaginings. Updates. Reworkings.
Call them whatever the hell you want to call them. Call
them crap. Let’s get this out of the way. Remakes
happen. They happen because people pay to see them. No
one gives two shits about how “untouchable” a
franchise is or how Pop Icon A could never possibly be
recast as someone else. Remakes are happening still and
they are going to continue happening. So go take your opinions
on Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), Psycho (1998), Assault
On Precinct 13 (2005) and all other remade films
of the last two decades and go stick your complaints where
the son doesn’t shine.
Complaints about remakes are far worse than the remakes
themselves. I would rather sit through The Haunting (1999)
than hear you bitch about it any day of the week.
Black
Christmas (1974) is in every possible way an
absolute classic of the genre. Very few films are as atmospheric,
down right creepy, excellently cast and it stars a gent
that looks like he was stripped right out of an Italian
soap opera and doesn’t know it yet. Black
Christmas is one of my favorite horror films
of all time. It’s the bees-fucking knees, and I
could watch it in the middle of summer and get chills.
So was I apprehensive when it was being remade?
Absolutely not! I figured I would take a look at some
pre-release info and decide if I should drop nine bones
to witness the film. What I saw was this: Katie Cassidy
(When A Stranger Calls – 2006),
Michelle Trachtenberg (Buffy The Vampire Slayer and muthafuckin’ Ice
Princess), Kristin Cloke (Final Destination),
Lacey Chabert (Mean Girls), Mary Elizabeth
Winstead (The
Ring Two), a special starring role for Andrea
Martin (the original Black Christmas)
and the team buttering my toast is director Glen Morgan
(Willard) and producer Bob Clark (director
of the original film). Add to this the fact that early
buzz indicated that the stories of the two films are
only related in the smallest of ways, and you could have
seen me with a Hamilton in hand waiting for the bevy of
blood and hotties that awaited me.
 Unfortunately I didn’t make it to the theatre.
Because… you know… it was Christmas and I
had other shit to do. Apparently, the billions of people
out there that think EXACTLY like me also had other obligations
because no one else went either. Black Christmas was
a bust. (I live in a predominantly Mormon community, and
they weren’t kind to this film at all – protesting
was being done – the whole nines. This didn’t
help ticket sales here either.) Thankfully, the quicker
a film fails, the quicker it crosses my mailbox, and I
was nagging our PR department here at DIMP for three weeks
before I got it. The unrated DVD for Black Christmas was
finally within grasp. Was it worth it?
Fuck yes.
Right away we are treated to the first murder in the
Alpha Kappa Sorority House. Poor dear Claire didn’t
last five minutes before she’s suffocated by a bag
and stabbed in the forehead with a calligraphy pen. Then – BAM – title
card. I love a movie that gets right to it. There’s
no mistake that the killer is in the house. There’s
no questioning it. There’s also no denying that Billy
Lenz (Robert Mann), the escaped mental case who killed
his family at Christmas nearly thirty years before – and
made Christmas cookies with their flesh, is probably behind
this, and many future murders. The mystery associated with
the original film is gone. The 1974 version of Black
Christmas only offered up cryptic clues through
obscene phone calls from a faceless caller. Hell, it didn’t
even explain who the killer was. Not so here,
in 2006 it’s all about the back story.
 That’s the main difference, which is pretty damn
big. Aside from the girls continually getting harassing
phone calls (this time from each of the victim’s
cell phones) there isn’t much in common at all between
the two films. In a way, I think that’s why the new
film works. For starters, it’s considerably more
Christmasy. While the original took place during the holiday,
there was precious little exploitation of that fact. A
few things removed and it would just seem like any other
winter Canadian night. Here, nearly every shot is composed
in such a way that something Christmas is there, be it
lights, trees, decorative figurines, presents, what have
you. There’s no escaping that all of this grisly
shit is going on during the Christmas holiday. The female
cast is made up of reasonably recognizable starlets from
television and films. However, none of them have that A-list
sensibility that makes you think Star X will live through
the film. This too works to the film’s advantage
because it is sure to keep you guessing as to who’s
the next victim.
 All things said about what’s different
and what works, one thing truly made this fun for me.
This film is completely morality free. Throughout the plot
you get obscenity, grossness, voyeurism, cross-dressing,
murder, incest, cannibalism, eye-gouging and my personal
favorite – severed
heads as Christmas tree ornaments. Original? Not necessarily.
There isn’t a lot going on here that hasn’t
been done in other horror films. But it’s been decades
since I’ve seen anything that absolutely revels in
its atrocities without even trying to be tongue-in-cheek.
And even then those movies didn’t have the incredible
hot chick quotient that Black Christmas has.
So here is what you have to be able to do to find enjoyment
in this film.
- Separate your feelings for the original, whether you love or
hate it.
- Be a fan of old-school 1970s and 1980s slashers – even
the less polished ones.
- Not cry over the fact that Christmas is the set piece
for all the grisliness.
If
you can get past this, you’re sure to find some
level of enjoyment with Black Christmas.
If you can’t, then you’ll always have the original
classic to fall back on which is almost universally agreed
on as being one of the best examples of the horror genre.
Just don’t bitch to me about the “remakes” existence,
because I’m really fucking tired about hearing about
how there are no “original” ideas left in Hollywood.
Running with this film the way that they did only proves
that there are some creative ideas left (even in remakes)
that studios are willing to experiment with.
 The DVD Presentation
Near HD! The anamorphically enhanced widescreen transfer
(a full screen DVD is available separately, although only
in the theatrical cut.) is one of the best I’ve ever
seen. There are lots of blacks and strong colors layered
over it and I couldn’t find anything bleeding (except
for the cast) anywhere. The surround mix places you truly
in the film. The back channels dance, boards creek, the
soundtrack comes alive. It’s truly immersive. English
and Spanish subtitles are included for those that require
them. Needless to say, anyone that’s going to buy Black
Christmas is going to have a blast with the presentation.
According to the running time, the unrated version is
five minutes longer than the theatrical cut. I haven’t
seen the theatrical cut of Black Christmas,
but
And the Extras Are?
“What Have You Done?: The Remaking of Black
Christmas” – (27:59)
Part promo fluff, and part randomly assembled collection
of cast and crew interviews, this featurette is better
than the average talking heads piece. The cast talks about
how they were selected for the parts and what they like
about it. Bob Clark, the director of the original film
discusses the origins of that film, and the crew for this
remake discusses the reasoning for the project and what
they hope to accomplish. Good stuff.
“May All Your Christmases Be Black: A Filmmaker’s
Journey” – (26:31)
Now this is refreshing. Director Glen Morgan pretty much
sits and discusses the things that he doesn’t like
about his film, like jump scares and states that he just
wants to continue making films and he’s concerned
about the film’s gross potential. He’s up front
and honest about how he poured a lot into Willard for
little return and he’s worried about losing his job
as a director. (Let’s hope he isn’t too depressed
right now!) Some of the cast discuss what it’s like
to be killed, and the actor that plays the killer discusses
why he was chosen. It’s very much a DVD based documentary,
because there are a lot of spoilers, where you could see
the other documentary running on HBO as a promo piece.
Fans will totally dig this.
Deleted Scenes –
Four different deleted scenes are included, as well as
alternate cuts. The four deleted scenes don’t add
much at all. One is just some exterior shots of the house,
two have the girls talking about each other and one has
them receiving a dildo as their Secret Santa gift. Nothing
was lost by removing these, but the film wouldn’t
have suffered for their inclusion either. The alternate
scenes are little more than that. Stuff you’ve  already
seen in the film from different angles or edited differently.
Sometimes they are extended, but ultimately nothing here
will reveal more into the depth of Black Christmas.
Three Alternate Endings –
I’m of the mindset to believe that if you have multiple
endings, then you really had no clue how you wanted to
end the film. The alternate endings for Black Christmas are
no exception in my mind. Each of the three endings start
with the survivors at the hospital, but some have the killer
alive, some have the killer dead, some have the killer
come back for a final showdown. Giving away details would
be spoiling it. I will say that I dig the second alternate
ending and I wish it was used in the film.
Previews –
They aren’t selectable after you get to the main
menu, but these non-anamorphic trailers for Grindhouse, Vince
Vaughn’s Wild West Comedy Show, Hannibal
Rising, Pulse and Feast are
forced (but skippable) when you first play your DVD.
The Bottom Line
Make absolutely no mistake about it; this 2006 version
of Black Christmas has absolutely nothing
on the cinematic greatness that is the 1974 version. That
said, they really are two entirely different films and
I think that this update has enough chops to stand on its
own. The acting isn’t horrible, the story is almost
entirely different, and the cinematography and Christmas
set design of the sorority house is incredible. Glen Morgan
has made horror fans a beautiful little slasher film with Black
Christmas and it’s served up on a stellar
DVD.
Ironically enough, yesterday, April 4th, 2007, this
author’s birthday, saw some tragic news for Black
Christmas fans. The director of the
original film, Bob Clark and his son died early in
the morning in a collision with a drunk driver. You
can read about the story here. Bob Clark was not only responsible for that horror
classic but also Deathdream,
as well as the classics Turk-182,
the original Porky’s and
one of the most popular family oriented Christmas films
of all time, A Christmas Story.
You will be missed, Mr. Clark. There is no way that Baby
Geniuses 3 will be the same without
you.
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