Whilst in my impressionable and pretentious teenage years, I was thoroughly convinced that Jesus Franco was a really cool guy because he was, you know, foreign and stuff. As the years flew by (and my, how they flew… almost heinously, in fact) however, I began to wise up… and soon, I saw Franco for what he really was: a funny little Spaniard that makes some truly heinous movies… like Bloody Moon.

By the early 80s, heinous slasher movies were in high demand...especially with International audiences. Convinced that they could make their own epic motion picture to depict the wanton and brutal demises of attractive young coeds at the hands of a deranged mental case, a couple of German mental cases employed Jesus Franco as their visionary. “How did they ever manage to get a prolific director like Jesus Franco to make their movie?” you may well ask (well… you would probably never ask such a thing, but let’s pretend, kids).

It was easy.

They lied.

They’re Germans after all.

Yes, Wolf C. Hartwig, the producer of Bloody Moon (and also the driving force behind the sexploitation Schoolgirl Report film series) fed Señor Franco an ample amount of horseshit in order to pull the maestro away from other, more promising projects like Oasis Of The Zombies or The Devil Hunter by telling him that they had signed British rock group Pink Floyd to so the music. “Oh, well in that case… ”, Franco responded. After all, how many filmmakers wouldn’t want Floyd music to accompany their film? The mere thought of having Pink Floyd’s name attached to your film (no matter how heinous said film may be… which ranks somewhere on the Very Heinous scale, incidentally) would guarantee a huge audience and could very well land you the praise you’ve been wanting all your life.

Alas, it wasn’t true, and instead, Jesus was left with some bargain-rate composer that he didn’t care for and a movie that he probably never thought twice after all was said and done… and yet, the film picked up quite a following. How could it not pick up a following? After all, Bloody Moon may be completely, totally, and utterly heinous, but it is also one of the most unintentionally hilariously heinous slasher films ever made!

Our heinous story involves Miguel (Alexander Waechter), a disfigured Spaniard who once killed a woman with a pair of scissors whilst wearing a Mickey Mouse mask (that must have one over well with the House of Mouse!), who has just been released from the loony bin. Although he shares a decidedly unhealthy relationship with his sister (Ding-ding-ding-ding! We have incest, ladies and gentlemen!) Manuela (the sultry Nadja Gerganoff… who we never saw again after this movie, unfortunately), he shares an even more unhealthy relationship with the pretty young coeds he encounters: he kills them.

Heinously.

Well, it might be Miguel that’s heinously offing the female German students attending a language school in Spain… but it could just be somebody else, you know… not that you’re going to give a shit, mind you… and you won’t, trust me… you’ll be too busy laughing at the heinous post-synched voices (the actors spoke phonetic English during shooting) and enjoying all of the naked chicks instead (which are categorically non-heinous). Olivia Pascal is the film’s naïve heroine (though she doesn’t get nekkid… her clause forbade it).

While I’m on the subject of heinousness, I should like to point out that Bloody Moon features some of the most truly heinous acts of heinousness: there’s the aforementioned (and heinous!) scissor killing, a heinous knife through the heinous back which comes out through the heinous-looking fake breast, a heinous buzz saw killing (to which the heinous victim just sits there all heinous-like and only begins to worry when the killer flips the heinous switch!) leaving a heinous mannequin head sitting in a pool of heinously fake blood… and still more… all featuring some heinous actresses with their very own heinous special make-up effects that will have you downing another swig of Heinous Lager in the process! The movie even ends with a heinous giallo-esque ending! Ha, ha, ha… how marvelously heinous!

…

I really have no idea why I used the word “heinous” so much in that last paragraph. I do apologize.

…

Heinous, heinous, heinous!

Oh, damn it all!

Presentation
Severin Films brings us an as-uncut-as-it-can-get version of Jesus Franco’s ridiculously amusing bodycount slasher flick under the original German title, Die Säge Des Todes (or The Saw Of Death for you Ally infidels that don’t speak the language of the Master Race!). Many viewers will notice that a lot of the gory insert shots appear to be taken from a lesser-grade source, but that doesn’t stop Severin’s presentation from being as first-rate-as-it-can-get, though: it looks pretty damn sweet for a 27-year-old B-grade German slasher flick and the colors are well balanced throughout.

Accompanying the nice 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer is a very decent English Mono Stereo soundtrack. Now, as to why anyone would actually want to listen to the dialogue in this film for purposes other than laughing is beyond me, but should you choose to do so (and seek help, seriously), you shouldn’t be disappointed.

Of course, you can always play one of Pink Floyd’s lesser albums along with the film instead and see if you can imagine what Franco was hoping for when he signed on.

Extras
Not only are the folks at Severin cheeky enough to spruce up Eurotrash epics like this one and give them their long overdue uncut American home video digital debuts, but, with Bloody Moon, they thankfully went that extra mile (well, maybe an extra quarter of a mile… whatever the equivalent of going to the store to get you a Pepsi would be in your book) and included the Featurette Franco’s Moon (18:49), an Interview with the aging director, who recalls his experience on this film (and its crooked producers) with great detail (heh, he says “raped” like Inspector Clouseau would: ray-ped). Fans of Lina Romay can see their Trashfilm Goddess briefly at the beginning of the featurette as she grabs her purse and says goodbye to her hubby so that he can do the interview in peace.

An International (and non-anamorphic) Theatrical Trailer (1:39) is also thrown in for good measure and is just about as funny as the film itself.

The Bottom Line
Franco may be one of the world’s worst directors, but he has made a few good movies in his time. Is Bloody Moon one of them? Not by a long shot. But, as bad Franco movies go (he’s at 185+ and going strong!), Bloody Moon is definitely a lot more enjoyable than most of them.

It’s still a bit heinous, though.