| Holy Jesus this movie is awful.
And no, not a fun level of awful either, I’m talking full on Love American Style-type "comedy stylings" – only thanks to the wonderful theatrical status of the film, we get something more mature, more adult, things like boobs and butts and the word "fuck." This is a film wherein each bit is punctuated with slide-whistles and gongs – yes, Can I Do It… Til I Need Glasses? is so sub par, it can’t even get a proper rimshot right. Everyone knows the rimshot is the proper ending to a bad vaudevillian gag, but, for some reason – and I’m pinning this strictly on the ‘70s – all the worst comedies throw out the rimshot for gongs, chicken clucks, muted trumpets and piano stabs. For example, let me recreate a sketch from this film appropriately titled The Princess and the Frog:
(DIMP note: notice the four periods at the end of the sentence instead of the proper three, I’m assuming to avoid a lawsuit from the trademark owners of the Ellipsis™, Ellipsiscorp. For all your Ellipsis™ needs.)
(A young princess comes upon a giant talking frog)
Frog: Hey princess, over here! Don’t be frightened princess, I won’t hurt you!
Princess: But you’re a… Frawggg!
Frog: Oh no princess, I’m not a frog. I’m really the handsome prince of Topar. The wicked witch of Encino put a curse on me because I wouldn’t marry her, and turned me into an ugly frog.
Princess: Oh, how awful!
Frog: Yes it is princess, but you can help me. The wicked witch’s curse can only be broken if I am kissed by a beautiful princess.
Princess: Okay frog, uh, prince, I’ll kiss you.
(The young princess kisses the frog once, a puff of smoke, nothing)
Frog: Oh no, I am still a frog. Try it again, princess.
Princess: Okay here it goes.
(Take two, again, nothing)
Frog: Say princess, these kisses don’t seem to be doing anything. How ‘bout a blowjob?
(A piano chimes out "Mary Had A Little Lamb")
That is the fundamental flaw of Can I Do It… Til I Need Glasses?. That doesn’t just not make sense, it’s astoundingly nonsensical. Not only is the princess not named Mary, this is a sketch about a frog, not a lamb. They could have gone with the old standby, the old ba-dum-tssh, but NO! Because the filmmakers – nay- The SEVENTIES wanted to do something a little different, this is the result. I hate you, The Seventies, with your Women’s Lib and your sexual revolution.
The only note worthy thing to say about this film is that it features Robin Williams in his first cinematic role, but that’s not saying much since he’s only featured in two sketches, plus he’s not funny. More importantly, Can I Do It… Til I Need Glasses? marks the cinematic debut of ingénue, billboard princess, and California state mayoral candidate Angelyne, who’s funnier than Robin Williams, has betters breasts and probably has access to higher quality cocaine.
Presentation
Clearly not remastered, cigarette burns and all, Can I Do It… Til I Need Glasses? is in surprisingly good shape for its budget and subject matter. Meaning that is looks bad, but it’s not bad-bad-bad-bad-bad. Inconsistent from sketch to sketch, sometimes flirting with scratches and with a thin layer of grime to match its grimy heart, it’s hard to think that the film could look any better. We still get an anamorphic widescreen transfer in its original aspect ratio, just the way director I. Robert Levy intended it to be. Actually, I think the way I. Robert Levy wanted the film to be seen was from behind fogged windows in a station wagon at the drive-in.
Audio: Mono. What more can be said?
Extras
If you were to hit the extras button on the menu for the film, you simply get a two-second clip from the film of a paperboy shouting "Extra! Extra!" – wacky! You’re just going to have to settle with the theatrical trailer that knows how to exploit its star power, along with Code Red Trailers, featuring such films as Beyond The Door, Dead Pit (an entire movie filmed with wide-angle lenses? This looks fucking awesome), The Farmer, The Obsessed One, Power Play, Sole Survivor and Wacky Taxi. In truth, The Dead Pit looks to be the only winner in the lot, to the point where as I’m writing this at 3:22 A.M. I’m also trying to score a copy.
Though I must admit my favorite moment of this entire DVD is when the Wacky Taxi trailer sourced from a VHS tape runs into heavy tracking problems at the end of it.
The Bottom Line
Words can’t describe how much I disliked this film, so let’s go with syllables.
Eww.
Ugh.
Argh.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
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