There are a lot of negative reviews out there for Don’t Go In The Woods (… Alone!) - it seems that a vast number of you really despise it.

I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to learn most of those disapproving reviews were written by youngsters who weren’t even born during the 70s/80s Slasher Era and most of them certainly wouldn’t recall the surge in independent horror films on video during the 80s and 90s. If any of you other reviewers fit this bill, I have prepared the following words of advice that I urge you to share with all of your friends and colleagues: Go fuck yourselves!  I have suffered through your inept, modern-day equivalent of independent filmmaking via such websites as MySpace, YouTube and Stickam and you suck!  Go back to skating and leave storytelling to those talented few that still possess imaginations and haven’t burned their brain cells out from being a member of the Barbiturate Of The Week Club.  And it’s Punk - not Ska.  Goth - not Emo and certainly not Scene!  Just because you have relabeled it doesn’t mean you have re-invented it, you ungrateful, apathetic, nihilistic morons!

Considering it would be bias of me to only defend this film from the younger crowd, I have also prepared a bit of advice for the older reviewers that thought Don’t Go In The Woods (… Alone!) was bad: Just what the fuck do you know?  Do you even have a sense of humor?  Look, just because your mother drank too many martinis whilst you were in the womb and your father blatantly ignored you while chain-smoking in his beloved armchair leaving you to grow up on TV dinners and “Howdy Doody” does not give you carte blanche to compare every motion picture under the sun to The Sound Of Music, you hypocritical, homophobic, Neo-Nazi twats!

There, that evens the score a little.

Don’t Go In The Woods (… Alone!) begins with a killing.  Right away.  Actually, the entire film consists of killings.  An assortment of moronic tourists (or “tourons” as some people refer to them as) seemingly appear out of nowhere throughout the film just so they can be murdered by a feral madman (I actually lost count of how many people were killed).  Tourons aside, there are a few main characters in the movie: four campers, the maniac, a deputy and a sheriff.  The sheriff is so grossly overweight that I can’t help but wonder how he reaches the killer’s cabin within minutes near the end of the film while it takes the campers two days to do (and they start out at the beginning of the film).

Providing that the audience can adjust to the fact that there is no logic in this movie (or sense of linear proportionality), he or she may soon form the theory that the movie is intentionally bad.   According to James Bryan (the director), it is.  He claims that the film is a joke… and his joke is played-out in such a deadpan style (i.e. music that mocks you, bad acting, shaky handheld camerawork, no budget whatsoever) that most people never catch it.

Presentation
If you ever saw any of the old VHS releases then you know how bad this movie has looked in the past (in particular that Video Treasures release).  James Bryan worked with Code Red to bring you the best-possible looking version of Don’t Go In The Woods (… Alone!) to date (which might not be saying much for some of you): the film was shot open matte on 35mm and the DVD is presented in it’s 1.33:1 glory.  There are a number of noticeable specks, splices and grain present, but considering the non-existent budget of the movie, the film stock probably wasn’t high grade, hence the look.  Color-wise, the film looks very nice: the woods are again green and the blood is once again red (dark red, but red nonetheless).  The Mono Stereo sound is crisp and clear, making H. Kingsley Thurher’s early-synthesizer music even more annoying.  The menus are very Media Blasters-esque - which is no surprise since Media Blasters were originally supposed to release the title.


Extras
The movie is Introduced by Daron Miller from CKY (whom I have never listened to because I am just too old), which is not mentioned anywhere on the DVD.  Daron is joined by his friend (and fellow Don’t Go In The Woods enthusiast) Dave Moska (sp?) along with star Mary Gail Artz and Director Bryan for one of two Audio Commentaries included on this 25th Anniversary Edition (the second Commentary is a more technical on with Director Bryan).  Bryan also brings us a documentary (labeled as a Featurette) running 56:48 that he edited together himself with a camcorder (the quality on this is so awful that it looks like it could be older than the film!): the docu interviews Bryan, members of the cast and crew and talks about the making of the film.  It’s a very informative and entertaining feature and most of the interviewees are a hoot to listen to: Gerry Klein’s comical assault on the Mormon Church and H. Kingsley Thurher’s reluctance to say why the closing song sounds like The Teddy Bears’ Picnic are highlights.  Several Talk Show Appearances (14:15) from the early 80s feature Bryan and actor Tom Drury (the maniac).  Bryan also explains how the films’ distributor managed to get the movie to share a screen with E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial in L.A. (which in turn, boosted Gross sales!).  Other Extras include a Poster & Still Gallery (4:15), a Trailer (1:36) which had to be reconstructed from a Radio Spot and clips from the movie (the original Trailer could not be found) and an Easter Egg (0:59) in which Bryan brings up his other works - some of which was porn… one film in particular (also mentioned by Bryan and star Jack McClelland in the docu) was Beach Blanket Bango… which actor Bill Paxton worked on as a set dresser!

The Bottom Line
Love it or hate it, Don’t Go In The Woods (… Alone!) still exists.