(Pre-review note: Special thanks goes out to Shawn for providing screencaps for this review. I wasn’t able to collect the pictures on my own this time, and like Peter Stormare in Constantine swooping down and saving a terrible movie, Noto manages to do the same with my review.)

A story about corporate greed. A story of celebrity corruption. A story about the consequences of toxic waste. A story about… Well… Freaks.

Starting off as a cheap independent vehicle for the band The Butthole Surfers and then graduating to a full-fledged twelve million dollar Fox picture, Freaked might be the most baffling studio picture to come out in the last fifteen years. Although Fox made sure to bury the picture as quickly as possible, god bless ‘em for having the audacity to look at the project and think, “Boy, this certainly is going to return our investment!”

Starting off with what might be the most irritating title sequence of all time, Ricky Coogan (A very smarmy Alex Winter) recounts his sordid tale to Skye Daley (Brooke Shields, in yet another performance where she dies by gunshot wound). Let’s elaborate further, even though it’s truly unnecessary; with a five million dollar paycheck and his best friend Ernie in tow (Michael Stoyanov, of Blossom fame), Ricky is sent to South America to promote Zygrot-24, a very harmful, terrible, abominable chemical that does some baaaad things. After picking up plucky environmental activist Julie (Megan Ward, who would go on to the less interesting PCU and Joe’s Apartment films) the three get side-tracked and decide to visit Elijah C. Skugg’s (Randy Quaid) Freekland.

Skugg makes quick work of them using the very chemical Coogan was sent to promote (oh no!), combining sex-starved Ernie with Feminist Julie to create a gender-conflicted Siamese twin and turning Ricky into an incomplete half-mass of green puss and boils. Afterwards they’re thrown into the Bob Vila-altered outhouse to live with the other misfits Elijah created: Freak Activist Ortiz the Dog Boy (Keanu Reeves, of… Fame in general), The Bearded Lady (Mr. T), Worm (Derek McGrath) and many other medical monstrosities.

What could have devolved into a film that was only about its special effects, Freaked manages to stand its ground with its cast of characters and, most importantly, a script that knows how to play dumb in the best way possible. It takes a generous amount of intelligence and a straight face to be able to create something so absolutely retarded. The writers obviously know the conventions of the genres they’re spoofing and from there, they’re able to play into and subvert those conventions. Instead of a standard scene where characters are introduced single-file (are you hearing me John Waters?), a sudden horror movie-themed game of The Hollywood Squares breaks out, featuring the corpse of Paul Lynde. And sure, the scene featuring the characters flashing back to when Skuggs turned them into freaks seems to be exactly what you’re expecting, but then suddenly the camera pans over to a hammer on the ground and flashes back to much better times when it used to be a wrench.

Most of the cast, thankfully, plays the script straight (which must have been tough to do with all the prosthetics), and this contributes highly to the enjoyment. Playing the film with a wink and a nod to the audience would have been enough for a person to forcibly remove his eyeballs with his toes, but with the characters playing the film deadpan, it makes you accept them as actual people and allows you to even care about their fates. Take Sockhead for example: When he makes his final exit, it’s an actual moment of sadness. From that point on on, he’s actually missed, not as an impressive special effect but as a personality. You rarely get that in normal movies, let alone movies featuring pot smoking, gun toting Rastafarian eyeballs.

Another important element is the special effects work, which is absolutely amazing considering the film’s slight budget. Apparently, most of its eleven million dollar budget went into the special effects production, and it shows. Most, if not all, of the effects were originally conceived by Screaming Mad George (both a rock star and a goopmaster), and if you’re familiar with his work, you’ll know it’s clearly his show here. It might not be anywhere near realistic whatsoever, but the creativity is staggering. While Screaming Mad George might not have done all the actual special effects, his stamp is all over it.

Its biggest flaw is that it’s a very polarizing brand of comedy, which combines cheap Vaudevillian-esque puns, slapstick, gross-out gags and wraps them all up with a tidy, deadpan bow. If you’re not with it within the first five minutes, the next 74 might be the most obnoxious moments of your life. I can’t find much to complain about, but I’m a complete idiot.

Video
A fine effort has been made to clean up a movie virtually no one has ever paid attention to. Most of the scenes are abnormally clean, but there tends to be a slight amount of grain, especially in close-up shots of characters and in a few dark areas. As can be expected from a movie about circus freaks, the colors pop out pleasingly, or irritatingly depending on what mind-frame you’re in.

Audio
A 5.1 surround sound track allows the soundtrack to come through loud and clear. Most of it is front-channel specific, but once the rock music soundtrack starts pumping, you’ll be impressed. Also included is a stereo soundtrack.

Extras 
First, I’d like to start off by thanking Anchor Bay for being such a constantly evolving company. Recently, in addition to their inescapable logos and FBI notices, they’ve finally added the “Commentary and Interviews do not represent our company” disclaimer and forced previews, too! Yet, they still haven’t mastered the art of optional subtitles. Bravo.

Other than that, the disc comes packed in a great, two-disc set that is perfect for a person who loves true behind-the-scenes footage. However, if you’re looking for a present-day reflective documentary, you’ll probably be disappointed.

Included on the first disc: Hijinx in Freekland (an 11-minute home video which consists of the cast and crew goofing off for the camera and some filming footage), A Conversation with Tim Burns (a look back on the film’s evolution from the mysterious third screenwriter), two deleted scenes, a rather expansive art gallery that includes concept drawings to poster design, the screenplay (DVDRom feature), and most importantly, a commentary with Alex Winter and Tom Stern, which is thankfully full of well-remembered information (Winter says the dreaded phrase “I haven’t seen this film in years,” but manages to keep chatting throughout the film without any problem) and is brutally honest about the eventual panning and burying of the film.

Disc two features something I hadn’t seen before: Freaked: The Reehersel Version. Not just behind-the-scenes footage, but an entire rehearsal performance of the full film by most of the entire cast, including not only the main characters, but most of the supporting cast of freaks (even Keanu Reeves sans dogboy makeup!) This feature is definitely work a viewing since there’s a decent amount of dialogue and a few scenes that are missing from the final film.

Also included are: There Are No Weirdos Here!, a collection of extra rehearsals, It’s the Troll!, where child actor Alex Zuckerman manages to be even more terrifying than he was in the movie, Behold… The Beast Boy!, which concentrates on Alex Winter’s extensive makeup job, Under Construkshen, which goes into the set design, and finally Squeal Of Death & NYU Sight & Sound Project, which are two short films by Tom Stern and Alex Winter.

Overall, the extras certainly are entertaining, but lack focus. Couldn’t all the behind-the-scenes footage have been assembled into a documentary rather than simply presented as is? If you eat up home video footage this is definitely the package for you, but if you don't, it might just come off as a bit monotonous.

Overall
A film I never expected to see outside of a 3 a.m. showing on USA not only get a DVD release, but a two-disc Special Edition. I applaud Anchor Bay for bringing Freaked back from the grave, and for resurrecting my inner 14-year-old adolescent.