“Blah blah, blah blahiddy blah?”

“Yada yada!”

“Oh, blah blargy blah blah?”

“Yaaaada, yada, ya ya, yah!”

Welcome to my world. A world in which Gilmore chicks yap yap yap until MY face is blue, then namedrop juuust enough good bands or make juuust enough cool references so that I can’t totally hate the yap yap yap am-I-in-the-room-with-my-wife-and-mother-in-law? show otherwise known as Gilmore Girls.

See, ‘cause that’s the thing. Sure, my mother-in-law didn’t have my wife at 16 and run away from home and wasn’t a single mom and all that – not even close, really – but they DO interact like Older But Still Hot Gilmore Chick and Young, Cute And OH! What An Ass Gilmore Chick. Like hens, back and forth, clucking ceaselessly. What are the clucking about? Who the hell knows!? But clucking they are.

Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cuckoo cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck.

Hey, I suppose I shouldn’t complain. Things could be worse. The Mrs. could have a friend like that Paris chick. Paris, now there is a broad who deserves a neck punch. Or that steady stream of goofy boyfriends Young, Cute And OH! What An Ass Gilmore Chick had. There is the rich and pompous prat. The kid who was AWESOME in Heroes. The mechanic kind of blue collar dude who as the coolest one of all. Probably a few others. I dunno. Oh, and Yoshi, Nice Ass Gilmore's  best friend of Young, Cute And OH! What A Butt Gilmore Chick. Annoying, she is.

But I’m getting off track here. What I was trying to say was, the real life chatter I have to listen to isn’t nearly as grating as Gilmore chatter. And that’s good. ‘Cause otherwise I’d have torn my face off long ago.

(In truth they're great gals, but don't tell them I said so.)

Though the thing about Gilmore chatter is, sometimes it’s really, really clever. Some might argue too clever for its own good, and maybe that’s fair. But sometimes too clever for your own good is, like, good and stuff. It’s … grumble grumble … really damn impressive writing.

There, I said it. Happy now? The writing on this show is really, really good.

Though Gilmore Girls did do one evil thing, and that is to push the success of Arcade Fire. See, Pitchfork waxed poetic about how, oh yay, the new Jesus, this music, blah blah blah and whatever. You know how Pitchfork gets. So Arcade Fire was dubbed hip and the hipsters were ready to make with the following-the-leader. And then they get namedropped on the hipper-than-thou Gilmore Girls and, well, I make the argument that that sure as hell didn’t hurt, right? The thing is, that guy from Arcade Fire? Ol’ Mr. I’m So Earnest And Real or whatever, he of Big, Noble Ideals who doesn’t understand how fucking ironic it is that he of all people calls out U2 for being U2ish? Yeah, fuck that dude. Put a sock in it, man. Get on stage and play your damn songs and understand that you’re about three seconds away from being Rattle And Hum-era Bono, which, come on, is freakin’ obnoxious, great tunes or not. So stop.

Anyway, Gilmore Girls. Great writing, character-driven drama loaded with the overused word “quirk” and intelligence and wit, funny rather than weepy (which is a good thing), and oh, did I mention it totally collapsed into a quivering pile of shit in the seventh and final season?

Yeah, ooops. It sure did.

They tried. I'm sure they tried. A noble effort and all that. But the creator was gone, and so, too, was the fire, that intangible something that made Gilmore Girls the admirable cult phenomenon it was. It became the obvious, trying-too-hard soap opera it had avoided being over the course of the six prior seasons, easily making this the worst of the bunch. But season six ended in a cliffhanger, so unless you like being cock teased and left with blue balls, you're watching this.

Sucks to be you.

Disc Presentation
Got to admit, these are swell little TV-on-DVD discs. Good picture, good sound, you can hear and understand every word of dialogue. And that’s a lot of words. Lots and lots and lots and lots (and lots) of words. Star Wars it ain’t, so if you’re wondering about compression artifacts and haloing and edge enhancement, go read another review. Seriously, what the hell? This is freakin’ Gilmore Girls, ferchristsake. Looks good, that’s all you need to know.

Disc Extras
None

The Bottom Line
Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cuckoo cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck.

Cluck.