Alfred Hitchcok’s The Birds. There. I said it. And I’m not taking it back.
In fact, I’ll go one further and say that just by reminding you of The Birds existence, I have saved you the effort of watching today’s movie, Kaw. It’s like a get out of jail free card, only it’s much more important, as I’m saving you time, money, effort, quite possibly even your life.
I might be exaggerating just a tad, but it wouldn’t be too hyperbolic of me to suggest that Kaw doesn’t even work as background static while you clean the kitchen in the other room – an activity I tried out while attempting to watch the film for a third time. Let’s just say that Kaw doesn’t strike the appropriate balance between sheer monotony and pointless violence that allows you to screen out the bad and settle for the merely apathetic.
And let’s not forget the simple fact that bird noises are outright annoying. Do you really want to hear a raven, a single raven squawking its beak off? How about fifty of them? How about hundreds of them? This is why I suggest that, when settling in for an all-night movie binge, pulling from the expansive animals-go-nuts library of films, might I suggest you choose one based around sharks, as they make the least amount of noise when eating their human prey? Think about it; birds shriek, dogs bark, cats meow, they even throw in high-pitched chirping for giant insect genre pictures – always the same exact sound  despite the species, by the way –that’s not the case with sharks. You’ll have a virtually headache-free viewing experience if you fucking just pick the killer shark picture over the killer bird picture, especially if you’re like me and you’re drinking to kill the pain inside.
All I’m saying is, consider the shark: the perfect, sleek, quiet killing machine. Besides, what could Kaw possibly bring to the table, anyway? Well, there’s killer birds that attack a small, unidentifiable town while the Mennonites, with their filthy meat farms and their big, fake teased beards, speak of the end times despite the fact that, as always, they are the ones to blame.
While attempting to put yourself in the shoes of Kaw’s characters in hopes of creating some sort of bond, you might be thinking to yourself, well as you should, “what the hell do I have to be scared about when it comes to birds anyway? They’re stupid. I’ll stay in my home and avoid the whole ordeal,” but no, in Kaw, these birds are super-smart birds. They can throw rocks.
And that’s all you really need to know about Kaw. These aren’t your daddy’s Birds. These birds can throw rocks – well, they might in fact be a little too small to be considered rocks actually, let’s for the sake of argument call them big pebbles. These birds can fling big pebbles; it’s not even funny.
 Presentation
This perfectly fine presentation, both audio and video-wise, well represents the generic made-for-T.V.-movie-ness of Kaw, so much so that I am at a loss for words when considering its merits for this section of the review. Nothing is going to surprise, shock or impress you on this front, which is a cute theme that actually runs throughout the entirety of this film, from the presentation, to most of the extras, to the film itself.
Extras
Outside of Sony’s standard selection of trailers, which show up on most, if not all of their releases (Milla Jovovich alert!), we get a fairly standard making-of feature that won’t raise any interest in even the most feature-hungry viewer, so let’s stick to the much more interesting interview with Rod Taylor. Running a decent 20 minutes, director Sheldon Wilson has  a sit-down with the veteran actor who was obviously stunt-casted in this film due to his connection to The Birds. What you get is a recounting of old-timey Hollywoodland thanks to Wilson wanting to pull the discussion towards Taylor’s back-story rather than promoting his own film. And really, it’s hard to hate on Taylor, a man who has “cool, knowledgeable grandpa whose stories aren’t boring” written all over him.
The Bottom Line
I find that my cinematic tastes are pretty flexible; you can entertain me, you can shock me, you can challenge me, you can anger me, you can abuse me in almost every way possible, just don’t bore me. Kaw commits the one cinematic sin that is nigh unforgivable. Go rent that other movie with the killer birds. Of course, I’m talking about The Birds II: Land's End.
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