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Let’s talk about pornography for a minute. While I am well versed in the history of hardcore pornographic films, I cannot for the life of me pin down why in its infancy, blue films were so concerned with making the audience laugh in-between shots of men ejaculating on womens’ faces. If I were to wager a guess, it would be that the sex industry, trying to prove that every person in the cast was having a blast (both figuratively and literally) filming these sex scenes, surrounded the material with – not just comedy mind you – but shticky sub-Vaudevillian comedy. Less refined people would just point out that it was just another area of the media that Jews were controlling and thus Borsch-Belt humor overwhelmed these madcap sex romps – but they would only be mostly right.
Linda Lovelace For President is a rare bird because it decides to cut out all that grody pornography in favor of going strictly comedic, and in some regards it’s a total success. And when I say success, I mean that it’s always a pleasure to not see Linda Lovelace having sex on film. You see, women who starred in pornography during its "golden years" tended to, well, not be all that attractive. Sure Marilyn Chambers might have been on the Ivory soap box but let me tell you – there were more Linda Lovelaces and Georgina Spelvins in ‘70s porn than there were Marilyn Chamberses. And Linda Lovelace has a face that only a dog could love.
 But (lack of) good looks aren’t stopping Linda from being nominated as a third-party candidate in the presidential run of nineteen-seventy-whatever. At whatever point in time the film takes place in, the level of voter apathy is so rampant that the only person who is able to unite everyone from Klansmen to homosexuals to Black Panthers to Jews to Chinamen is porn star Linda Lovelace. From there it’s a media blitz as Linda Lovelace takes the country by storm, utilizing a series of parades and pun-based interviews that revolve around her work as a sex worker. As this was before Lovelace published her autobiography Ordeal, none of her dialogue revolves around being raped at gunpoint on film, which might be a plus, I haven’t decided yet. How great would it have been if Linda Lovelace wanted to use this film to get her anti-pornography message out to an audience?
Crowd Member: What do you think of vibrators and dildos?
Linda: It’s the American Know-How and industrial technique that has made our country what it is today. I got raped.
Crowd Member: Are you a follower of oral sex?
Linda: I’m not a follower, I’m a leader. By the way, I was raped. Horribly. With a gun to my head. Gerard Damiano stuffed cocaine down my throat and burned the soles of my feet with cigarettes when I tried to get away.
 This is just the framework for what can only be described as ramshackle shenanigans – the entire film is literally parade scene after parade scene, broken up by softcore sex scene after softcore sex scene. Is it funny? Is it sexy? Dear Christ, no! But that doesn’t mean the film isn’t entertaining as a creepy, depressing time capsule of sweet intentions, endless raunch and hacky comedy. I sat and marveled at the very idea that there was a point in time where this could have been considered sincerely funny by anyone. In that way, Linda Lovelace For President is a true must-watch. But if you find this film actually funny, kill yourself. Just fucking eat it.
 Presentation
Considering the nature of the film – Linda Lovelace For President has basically been locked up in some rotting vault for about 25 years – Dark Sky’s presentation is nothing short of fucking spectacular. The colors look a little too boosted and the film gets rough around the edges when the reel changes come, but those are minor complaints overall – the fact that the film was preserve to this extent right down to a proper anamorphic widescreen picture is miraculous considering the film’s dime store origins. Of course, if you took the context away, the film looks and sounds dreadful when compared to that Blade Runner box set, but that’s not what we’re talking about.
Did I mention Scatman Crothers is in this film?
Extras
The only feature presented on the disc (and you’re lucky you even get this) is the newly created Deep Vote: An Oral History of Linda Lovelace For President,which finds executive producer Auther Marks recounting the creation of the film. At eight minutes, there’s a few too many clips of the film, but the honesty is quite fun – especially when you consider the fact that the existence of the film was built on a joke, and that Richard Donner turned down the film in order to do that no-name Omen film.
 The extras section is really the only part of the disc that falters – Linda Lovelace’s tragic story is so fascinating, that anything more would have been a treasure, but then again I’m not surprised that basically no one involved in the film wanted to talk about it outside of the executive producer.
The Bottom Line
Consider this: Dark Sky Films probably considers Linda Lovelace For President a feather in their cap. While the film might be the very definition of "bad comedy", the fact that the film even exists, and now exists on DVD, is a reason to cheer. This is a film where a fire hydrant urinates on a dog. And there’s Mickey Dolenz. And Scatman Crothers. See this movie immediately. It’s terrible.
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