Let me ask you a question. In this day and age, what is it that makes a
movie a “b-movie”? Is it the lack of star power? An absurd
storyline? Sub-par acting? A low budget?
It used to be simple. In the days of the drive-in double feature
it was the second film on the bill that got the b-movie label and usually
rightfully so. They were made on shoestring budgets, featured
buckets of blood or mountains of nudity and usually had barely defined
storylines. There are plenty of examples to be had in reviews
right here on DIMP (Frankenstein vs. The Space Monster, Cannibal
Holocaust, The Cheerleaders, Satan’s
Blood). These days, the line is blurrier though. B-movies
aren’t just throwaways designed to grab your dollar and run. Consider The
Evil Dead series, whose subject matter has all the hallmarks
of a b-movie but has built a considerable fan base and made more legitimate
money (meaning people came to the theater to see it… repeatedly)
than many “a” list movies.
I asked myself these questions as I watched Loch Ness Terror,
when I realized it was only one giant crocodile short of being Lake
Placid… well almost.
You see, I happen to love Lake Placid. It is
one of my favorite giant-animal-eats-the-living-shit-out-of-everything
movies. Some of that can be attributed to the actors because let’s
face it; it’s got a pretty damn fine cast. Some of it can
be attributed to the script, because while it takes great pains to be
nothing more than a big monster movie, it’s smart. Some
of it lies with the direction, as it’s one of the few movies out
there in the last 10 years to not rest all of its cards on a big dose
of CGI. Instead it’s used reasonably sparingly and to great
effect.
 All of that aside though, the thing I think that truly separates a
movie like Lake Placid (again, a movie with a b-movie
mentality but done in an a-list way) is very simple.
Attention to detail.
Now before we go any further, let me assure you that Loch
Ness Terror is a pretty fun b-movie. I really had a
good time watching it despite a number of things that sent my wife
over the edge. That said, if you put Loch Ness Terror next
to Lake Placid and examine it, it’s really a
complete college course in what the difference is between an a-list
movie and a b-movie.
Let’s discuss.
 First up, the storyline: None other than the world’s most famous
plesiosaur, Nessie, suddenly threatens Lake Superior.
I can hear the, “watchoo talkin’ ‘bout CaryC?” reactions
already. How does Nessie get to Lake Superior? Don’t
you worry. It’s explained away in about four lines of dialogue,
so you know it’s completely plausible. Still, famous crypto-animals
aside, it’s almost identical to Lake Placid with
the substitution of a giant crocodile for the dinosaur.
Next up, let’s talk cast. Everyone here has long histories
in b-movies or television, the longest being Don S. Davis, a veteran
character actor with over 135 credits to his name going all the way
back to a Joanie Loves Chachi episode from 1982. Other
than him, we get Brian Krause (Charmed), Carrie Genzel
(Flash Gordon), Amber Borycki (The “L” Word)
and Neil Denis (Stargate SG-1). All of them are
just this side of being unknown actors but they’re all bringing
enough chops to the proceedings to be believable.
 Now, let’s talk budget. This one is low and most of it
was spent on CGI, which let’s just say is used abundantly and
to mixed results. For every reasonably good image of Nessie or
her offspring (yes… there are offspring) there are easily two
questionable images where they look as if they were laid on top of the
scene like Colorforms from the 1970s.
So at this point in our comparison, aside from the overabundance of
CGI, Loch Ness Terror and Lake Placid are
very similar in quality. That leaves us with only one thing to
compare and that’s direction.
Paul Ziller is no Steve Miner.
 Where Loch Ness Terror loses any hope of being considered
on the same level as Lake Placid rests entirely with
Paul Ziller’s direction and his lack of attention to detail. He’s
still made a fun movie, but again for comparison sake, let’s look
at some of his gaffes.
- He introduces our hero, the plesiosaur hunter, as a Clint Eastwood
imitator complete with Crocodile Dundee hat and smoking cigarillos. As
if that wasn’t enough, we get mock spaghetti western music when
he appears for the first few times.
- Ziller opens the movie with a guy in scuba tanks doing a 300-foot
dive in Loch Ness. Now, I’m not going to harp on the impossibility
of that happening in 1976, but what I will harp on is that he struggles
to bring an egg to the surface only to have it float from that point
on. It’s actually an effort for Nessie to pull it back
down.
- During an attack on a woman in a car, Nessie slams her head through
the passenger window at which point Ziller expertly cuts to a shot
of the woman screaming and pushing herself up against the driver’s
side door. The cut is done right after the moment of impact and
while it’s expertly timed, there’s not one single bit of
broken glass flying toward the woman, despite the fact that a split
second before there are hundreds, if not thousands of pieces flying
through the air.
 Those are just three. There are actually many more and that’s
ultimately what makes the difference between an a-list movie and a b-movie.
It’s my opinion that any movie can reach an a-list status simply
by paying attention to detail. The reason being that every time
an example like the three above happens in a film, the viewer gets pulled
out of the movie. As long as a director can keep each particular
scene believable with regards to things like… say… the
laws of physics, a viewer can easily keep suspending their disbelief. Lake
Placid does a fine job of that. Loch Ness Terror does
not.
That said, Loch Ness Terror is still a whole lot
of fun if you like your monster movies lean (91 minutes), campy and
gory. If you’re a b-movie fan, this is a good one for most
of the right reasons.
 Presentation
Loch Ness Terror is presented
in anamorphic widescreen, which means that I’ll have to go in
and manually adjust all the screencaps for this article. I hate
doing that but I won’t
dock it any stars just because I’m bitter about having to spend
more time on it. The movie looks good and the sound is fine also. I
particularly had fun listening to Nessie’s roar in Dolby 5.1.
Extras
We get a Making Of Featurette which is a run of the mill
piece. Don’t waste too much time on it. Also there
is the entire first episode of Blood+, an anime series running
on Adult Swim and recently released on DVD. It’s okay but
I’m not going to check out the series myself anytime soon.
 Otherwise, Sony Home Entertainment filled the rest of this DVD up
with trailers including, 88 Minutes, The Tattooist, Revolver, April
Fool’s Day, The Cleaner, Pistol
Whipped, Zombie Strippers, Diamond
Dogs and Outpost.
The Bottom Line
Loch Ness Terror is nothing
more than a fun b-movie. I
actually squirmed a couple of times, laughed a few times and
generally enjoyed the experience. I can’t recommend it to
everyone, but to those who have been burned one too many times by the
straight to DVD, Sci-Fi Channel fare, this one won’t leave you
wishing you’d had your 91 minutes back.
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