Disc One, Side A
Death Machines (1976) - Directed by Paul Kyriazi - I don’t think they could have picked a better movie to start out this set with!  Death Machines is so incredibly cheesy and over-the-top at the same time that it will have you begging for more!  A crime boss (Chuck Katzakian) has a devil of a time with his mob hits when three mysterious assassins (or Death Machines if you will) start showing up out of nowhere and wasting his hitmen.  Turns out the whole thing is a setup by the evil Madame Lee (Mari Honjo) for reasons that I really didn’t catch.  When the Death Machines wipe out a karate schoolteacher (Eric Lee), they also make the mistake of leaving a survivor behind: Frank Thomas (John Lowe), a bartender who grows hell-bent on bringing the men that cut off his arm to justice.  It drags on a bit in the middle (and by a bit I mean a lot) but the opening and finale of this cult fave is worth it.

Luigi’s Useless Information: One of the detectives in this film is named Lt. Clay Forrester.  If that name rings a bell, it’s because you’ve seen Gene Barry play a character with an identical same moniker in The War Of The Worlds (1953) and Trace Beaulieu’s character on “Mystery Science Theater 3000” also went by the same title.

Low Blow (1986) - Directed by Frank Harris - Leo Fong (B-Martial Arts hero extraordinaire) writes, produces, and stars in this campy cross between Dirty Harry, Death Wish, and Guyana: Cult Of The Damned!  Leo plays Joe Wong, a retired cop who now works as a private dick and, in his spare time, shoots hold-up men for fun (to which his old colleagues just yell at him to stop it).  Hired by an industrial tycoon (the late Troy Donahue) to locate his missing daughter, Joe soon finds himself making plans to break in to a Jonestown-like cult, led by none other than Cameron Mitchell!

Luigi’s Useless Information: Mitchell’s lovely assistant is played by actress/writer Akosua Busia.  Bad acting, bad sound, bad music (which often drowns out the bad dialogue), bad driving (Joe’s driving makes Frank Drebin’s look good!), and a bit part by Billy Blanks only add to the fun.  Enjoy.

Disc One, Side B
The Silencer (1992) - Directed by Amy Goldstein - The most-recent film in the set.  Lynette Walden plays a hitwoman named Angel who uses a golden silencer (most of the “silenced” shots aren’t silenced) and goes around shooting people while some guy (Chris Mulkey - whose character appears to be in an another dimension) watches every move she makes through an upright videogame console (!).  Yeah, that’s about what I thought.  Maybe they were going for a low-tech take on Le Femme Nikita or something…  Lots of softcore sex and nudity, though (probably the reason it was made).

Luigi’s Useless Information: Morton Downey, Jr. makes a brief appearance as one of Angel’s victims.

Scorpion (1986) - Directed by William Riead - You know your career won’t kick off to a successful start when you’re nothing but a Chuck Norris clone!  And that’s exactly what former karate champion Tonny Tulleners (who actually beat Chuck in a real match once) found out when he signed on to play in this low-budget film as Steve Woods (codename: Scorpion), an American agent who battles terrorists on a high-jacked plane (in his underwear) and later winds up protecting another terrorist.  Tulleners acts about as poorly as his rival Norris and receives no billing in the opening credits (he probably should have come up with a tough-sounding stage name).  Don Murray, Robert Logan, Ross Elliott, and John Anderson are the top-billed actors.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Gotta love that scene where a group of high-ranking U.S. Officials discuss the threat of international terrorism hitting the States and only show concern when they learn they themselves are potential terrorist targets!  Nothing like realism, eh?

Disc Two, Side A
The Patriot (1986) - Directed by Frank Harris - When direct-to-video just isn’t good enough.  Gregg Henry (the other Corbin Bernsen) plays American agent on the hunt for some fellers that are stealing nuclear weapons (the Commies) in this laughably bad, bad, bad movie.  Simone Griffeth, Michael J. Pollard, Jeff Conaway, and Leslie Nielsen also lend their talent…making this turkey even juicier (just like Gregg’s whiter-than-white ass - which we’re also privileged to see).  Should not be confused with either Steven Seagal’s The Patriot (1998) or Mel Gibson’s The Patriot (2000) but it certainly is better than those two movies by the same name.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Worth watching just to hear Leslie Nielsen say “fuck”…not to mention the brief bit where a bad guys gets thrown into the ocean and his gun floats (he doesn’t, but the gun does).

Santee (1973) - Directed by Gary Nelson - OK, I don’t know how this one made it into the set.  Glenn Ford, one of America’s greatest western heroes, plays a bounty killer that decides to raise the son of a man he murdered.  Jay Silverheels is at long last given the opportunity to use a facial expression after years of playing Tonto on “The Lone Ranger”.  Dana Wynter and Harry Townes co-star.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Notable for being one of the first motion pictures ever shot on video - the brain behind this particular flick was none other that the Chief from “Get Smart”, Ed Platt, who invested his own money in the project believing it would take off.  It didn’t.  The rather boring, atypical western flopped in theaters and left Platt in financial difficulties (he committed suicide a year later).  About a decade later, independent filmmakers started making movies with camcorders.  Twenty-years after that, professionals began using digital video.  You were way ahead of your time, Ed.

Disc Two, Side B
Fleshburn (1984) - Directed by George Gage - The Über-creepy Sonny Landham plays a murderous psychopath (a big stretch) who deserted ‘Nam because of his Navajo spiritual beliefs and was put away in an asylum by several psychiatrists.  One night, after escaping, he kidnaps up his newfound enemies and dumps them out in the middle of the desert with the intent of a little sadistic fun because (as the greatly misinformed filmmakers would have you believe) that’s what Navajo spiritualism is all about (the Navajos were actually the one tribe that survived the mass slaughter by the white man).

Luigi’s Useless Information: This wouldn’t be that bad of a film if it didn’t star Sonny Landham: an extremely frightening and violent individual that once worked in porn films.  In 2007, he ran for governor of Kentucky backed by the Council of Conservative Citizens (or Neo-Nazis if you prefer) which is kind of ironic considering he’s of Native American descent.  Everyone loves a sellout, Sonny.

Hell On Wheels (1967) - Directed by Will Zens - I think this whole movie may be nothing more than a big Public Service Announcement.  Marty Robbins (yes, the Marty Robbins) showcases his NASCAR racing skills in addition to his knack for 60s country music.   There are a lot of familiar faces here: John Ashley (in his pre-Eddie Romero/Blood Island days and before he went on to produce “The A-Team”), former Congressman Bob Dornan, Gigi Perreau, Frank Gerstle, Connie Smith, and voice actor Marvin Miller, too.  From the director of The Starfighters.  Be sure to look for the little girl at the end who picks her nose on-camera as Marty sings to her.  Nothing like good ol’ fashioned white trash manners.

Luigi’s Useless Information: OK, allow me to settle the argument once and for all: NASCAR is not a sport, downshifting is not an athletic feat, and for fuck’s sake, “Sweet Home Alabama” is not the national anthem!  Now, I know that both the spelling and enunciation of the words “America” and “Alabama” may look startlingly similar when you’re illiterate, illegitimate and inbred, but please, just take my word for it!  For those of you who still don’t believe me, try running a lap on foot for a change without the numbing effect that alcohol provides you and see if you notice the difference.

Disc Three
Killpoint (1984) - Directed by Frank Harris - Another sleazy feature from the director of The Patriot (1986) and Low Blow.  This film also features many of the same actors from the other two features, such as stars Leo Fong and Cameron Mitchell.  Anyway, Mitchell plays a wacko that steals guns and distributes them amongst other wackos, encouraging them to murder men, women, and children.  I don’t think even Chuck Norris’ Invasion U.S.A. was this revolting.  Richard Roundtree co-stars as a black private dick that’s a sex-machine to all the chicks (his scenes look like they may have been shot in a single hour).

Luigi’s Useless Information: Much like Jekyll And Hyde: Together Again, I found myself enthralled by the supermarket scene.  It was like a trip down (forgive the pun) Memory Laneseeing those Pepsi Ten-Paks (glass bottles, kids…glass bottles!), RC Cola displays, the old name brand logos, etc.  Ah, to be back in the 80s…

9 Deaths Of The Ninja (1985) - Directed by Emmett Alston - If you need one really good reason to pick up this set, (apart from Death Machines, that is), here it is.  If you thought Shô Kosugi’s Golan-Globus/Cannon Ninja films were bad, give this one a try!  Why, it’s so bad, it’s spiritual!  There’s the hilarious ninja montage footage (not to mention flashback ninja montage footage!), non-actor extraordinaire Blackie Dammett as a whiney, white Dr. Strangelove-wannabe-terrorist-guy who speaks with an unconvincing German accent (at least, I think it’s suppose to be German!), 80s white people performing martial arts, midget assassins, tennis star Vijay Amritraj, and wait ‘til you get a load of that opening credit sequence: it’s like a really bad mix of Hong Kong Kung-Fu films and James Bond with Shô doing his ninja moves in a misty, ethereal room while three ladies in leotards dance around him!  And it’s all set to bad 80s lounge music!  This movie was heavenly!

Luigi’s Useless Information: One has to wonder about the scene where the little boy on the bus (one of Shô’s two sons that are featured in this film) who lights a villainous henchman’s underwear on fire: the guy runs out and sparks begin to fly!  Did the guy let one, or…?

Presentation
Here’s the good news you’ve been waiting for: 9 Deaths Of The Ninja is presented in 2.35:1 widescreen!  Yes, it will be time to reassess your religious beliefs (for better or for worse) when you see how well this messterpiece has been restored (again, the best reason to buy this set).  Death Machines starts out in 2.35:1 and goes to 1.85:1 after the opening credits.  It’s also missing its closing credits - the movie ends with a long freeze frame (did somebody forget something here?).  The rest of the movies are also in 1.85:1 except Fleshburn (video source - lines may be seen), and Hell On Wheels (definitely video lines), which were taken from video and presented Full Frame .  Depending on your player/TV, you may see some video lines on the top of the screen on Fleshburn and you will definitely notice a video “wear” line at the bottom of Hell On Wheels.  Other than that, most of the movies look pretty damn decent and are relatively devoid of defects (although Scorpion shows a fair amount of scratches, grain, etc. which is most likely attributable to its film stock).

All of the widescreen movies are anamorphic and some of them look like they have issues with that whole progressive/interlaced-scan thing…you probably won’t notice so long as nobody onscreen moves and the camera doesn’t pan around much.

Every movie has an English Dolby Digital 2.0 soundtrack (a word of caution here: when/if you decide to take the plunge and suffer through The Patriot (1986), please ensure that the volume on your TV or stereo is turned way the hell down first - it’s very loud!).  There are no subtitles.

Extras
Nothing.  Sorry.

The Bottom Line
Until a fully restored special edition collector’s set of the Shô Kosugi Legacy makes it way to disc, this budget-priced set will more than do.  Oh, and a number of the movies in this set contain nudity, too!  All hail boobs!  All hail!