When I think Charlton Heston, right after “You damned dirty apes,” “Soylent Green is made from people,” and NRA jokes, I almost always think “black power.” Well, right after Moses, those Bible videos he peddled and his role in Wayne’s World, but “black power” is invariably on the list somewhere.

Ol’ Chuckyboy, on a roll with Planet of the Apes and Beneath the Planet of the Apes under his belt, wanted to continue on with this new breed of introspective sci-fi yarns. He continued his journey with The Omega Man, a movie based on the Richard Matheson novella I Am Legend. However, due to a gross error in judgment, the writers felt that adapting a story about the last living man on an Earth populated by vampires was too hokey and decided to change the vampires to mutants. Oh yeah, and they tossed in a buttload of that blaxploitation vibe for good measure.

Yeah. This sure ain’t gonna age well.

Heston is Robert Nevelle, the last known survivor of a plague that ravaged the world (or at least L.A.). All in all, life ain’t too bad. He gets to drive around the city with no traffic, he can just walk into any store and grab whatever he needs, no one makes fun of him for wearing a safari outfit. Pretty sweet deal, really. As a matter of fact, he’d be having a jolly time of it if it weren’t for the band of mutants constantly trying to kill him after the sun goes down. You see, they’re mutants. They can’t stand the light. Not vampires. Mutants. Got it?

Enter the sassy, pleather-wearin’ Lisa (Rosalind Cash) who not only gives Heston a nasty case of the jungle fever, but also leads him to a small community of kiddies that seem to be immune to the plague. Toss in some bike stunts, gloriously quotable lines, a smattering of Christ imagery and we’ve got soup, kids.

I never tire of this movie. I really shouldn’t like it as much as I do, seeing that it’s not quite the Matheson story, but all the social commentary is so obvious and the “hipping-up” of Heston is so laughable that one can’t help but fall in love. The 1970s were not a time known for subtlety, and The Omega Man lays it on pretty thick, alright. But one thing can certainly be said, it ain’t ever boring. The movie clocks in at 98 minutes, so it’s a pretty standard movie length, but thanks in no small part to the ‘70s era Charlton Heston. Heston overacts. Heston wears embarrassing clothing. Heston gets his chest greased down whenever that shirt comes off. Eeeeyuch.

You know, it was only one year between Beneath the Planet of the Apes and The Omega Man? Must have been a rough year. Shirt should have stayed on, ladies.

Chuck Heston and Rosalind Cash are about as mismatched as a pair of bachelor’s socks. Here he is, a man shoving up against his 50s, acting all action heroey, spouting lines that would make Bruce Campbell cringe, trying to hold his brown sugar lovin’ own against that chick from Uptown Saturday Night. Well, it shouldn’t work. As a matter of fact it doesn’t work, yet that is precisely why it does work. Baaad ASS, he is. BAAAD ASS. When I push 50, I hope to look half as cool doing motorcycle jumps while wearing penny loafers. I mean, in a matter of seconds Heston goes from awkwardly calling Cash “baby” to making a reference to T.S. Elliot. What’s not to love?.


How's it look, smartguy?
Varied, but pretty good considering. There is a certain amount of unnecessary grain here and there, but it’s clean. We’ve got a widescreen anamorphic transfer that gives this old dog a new trick. To me, forever a movie that I caught on a weekend afternoon, the movie was cropped to hell. To see it in widescreen? Orgasmic. Simply orgasmic.

How's it sound, ya bum?
Nothing special here. English Dolby Digital Mono and French Dolby Digital Mono. It’s a nice, clean digital mix. No complaints.

You think I just wanted the movie, pal?
An introduction by Eric Laneuville and Paul Koslo, two of the co-stars from the film that obviously think the movie is a lot more respected than it really is. Screenwriter Joyce H. Corrington also pipes up.

A rather silly little documentary called The Last Man Alive: The Omega Man.

The trailer.

And, finally, a short essay on Heston’s sci-fi movies is also included. This comes to the rather odd conclusion that Heston’s sci-fi stint and The Omega Man are both hallmarks to the genre. Weird.

Bring us on home, brother.
I’ve heard rumblings about a new movie version of I Am Legend coming to a poorly managed theater near you, and Will Smith’s name always bubbles to the top. Perhaps it because of the smart ass/cocksure lines that Heston spat out in this version. I dunno, but whenever I think about the reality of an updated version, I find myself torn. The literary geek in me would love to see a gritty, soul-searching, faithful adaptation of what I consider to be Matheson’s masterwork, perhaps starring someone who only does “important” movies like a Daniel Day-Lewis or something. However, there will forever be an Omega Man lovin’ side of me that would dig the hell out of pretty much the same damned movie, just updated and starring Alec Baldwin.