Another fatal blow to the movie occurred with the hiring of J.S Cardone (who specializes in writing direct-to-video rip-offs and sequels) and Nelson McCormick (who is nothing more than a mediocre television director) to helm this bland, boring, stilted, cliché-ridden remake of the 1980 Jamie Lee Curtis cheapie (which also wasn’’t that great, but it’s still better than this version - plus the original had Leslie Nielsen). 

OK, since the WGA demands that all remakes throw out any original storylines and replace them with a brainless bastardization of the first incarnation (like the barely-prepubescent kids that go to these films ever even heard of the originals!), our story has Mr. Fenton, a baseball-capped psycho ex-teacher (Johnathon Schaech, who looks like Jeremy Sisto playing Billy Bob Thornton as John Malkovich in a TV biopic of Charles Manson) escaping from the insane asylum and returning to Bridgeport to stalk poor Donna Keppel (Brittany Snow), whose family he butchered three years prior (so he could be close to her). 

Fenton’’s timing couldn’t be any better: it’s prom night for Bridgeport High seniors and soon, our decidedly unfrightening-looking murderer is picking off people one by one in a huge upscale hotel… and naturally, the men of the local police department (led by Idris Elba and James Ransone, both of whom were in “The Wire” together) go about handling the whole situation in every inept method possible. 

Now then, with that out of the way, why would anyone obsess over Brittany Snow?  She’’s not attractive.  Not in the least bit.  To hear her talk about the movie, it’s obvious she’s just another dumb Hollywood bimbo that fancies herself an actress.  And did you see that mole on her arm?  Eeewwww! 

Now Dana Davis on the other hand?  I don’t care if she can act or not: she’’s at least hot!  They should have cast her in the main role… … oh wait, that would have meant that the heroine was black, wouldn’’t it?  The Conservative Christians would really have complained about that! 

Come to think of it, did anybody notice and Latin or Asian people at all in this film? 

Fuckers. 

Somebody bring the drive-ins back - this shit just isn’t doing it for me. 
 

Presentation  
Look, this movie has pissed me off so much that I’m just going to give you the teenage bimbo basics: it’s like, in color, it has those black bars at the top and bottom of the screen, there are those words at the bottom if you want, and um, oh, some really loud sound came out of all five of those little speaker things. 

Extras
Depending on how much salt you wish to pour on the wound, you can take your pick of the following Special Features: an Audio Commentary with Nelson McCormick, Brittany Snow, and Johnathon Schaech; a Bonus View Picture-In-Picture Storyboard Track; an Interactive Poll: Where Is The Best Place To Hide A Body? (answer: in a theater showing Nelson McCormick’s latest film! Ha ha ha!); Deleted Scenes (4:55) with optional director & cast Commentary; a completely pathetic Alternate Ending (which lasts a whole 25-seconds and doesn’t justify the hype, people!) with director & cast Commentary (why?); a Gag Reel (1:59) in case the entire film didn’t make you gag; the Bridgeport High Vikings Video Yearbook (5:36) which is seen playing in the background of the film during the prom. 

Several Featurettes are also included: A Night To Remember: The Making Of Prom Night (12:41); Profile Of A Killer (5:59); Gothic Space: Creating The Pacific Grand Hotel (4:47) - which makes you wonder where all of the $18million budget went - it also gives you the opportunity to see how truly stupid these filmmakers are when McCormick compares his hotel to the one in The Shining(!), the cast boasts what great atmosphere the place has (too bad the Director of Photography didn’’t capture it!) and laugh incessantly when the Executive Producer says that the old hotel they used is spooky, mysterious, and gothy now since it’s OLD! (why, just ‘cuz they had style back then, it’s creepy?  You know nothing, you spoiled stuck-up yuppie bastards!); and finally, cure your insomnia by viewing Prom Night Photo Album: Real Prom Night Stories From The Cast (6:12). 

The Theatrical Trailer (2:18) and a 15second TV Spot are on here, too, along with a shitload of Previews for You Don’t Mess With The Zohan, Made Of Honor, Vantage Point, Persepolis, The Other Boleyn Girl, 21, Across The Universe, Married Life, 30 Days Of Night, Wind Chill, I Know Who Killed Me, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, Starship Troopers 3: Marauder, Resident Evil: Degeneration, a Blu-ray Promo, and a trailer for the utterly pointless PS3 game Pain (which looks like it will live up to its title for anyone who plays it).

The Bottom Line  
The only people who might find this movie the slightest bit satisfying are the bitchy bleach-blonde yuppie teeny drama queen bimbos it was made for - none of whom saw it since theater owners across the country chose not to carry it for fear of the Conservative Christian backlash they would receive. 

There wasn’t even a single titty in this Unrated Version, either!  What bullshit! 

Ooh, and I just can’t wait for the next Cardone/McCormick collaboration, a remake of The Stepfather.