Red Dawn is one of the three greatest films ever made. This is fact. Only Commie pinko scum would deny this simple truth. Spoon with Fidel and light some incense at your altar to Joseph Stalin, you America-hating dirtball hippie. And take a shower while you’re at it! You stink like that smelly hippie oil. Red freakin' Dawn is it.

Check this out. The Communist Menace is not dead. This could still happen. Red Dawn could still happen. Commies swooping down from the sky, the Cubans and Russians and Mexicans and Canadians coming at us from all sides, shooting up schools, shooting and shooting. Children, dead. Killed in the streets. Why do you support the murder of children? Many children do not deserve to be murdered. But the Canadians will do it anyway because that's how they roll.

We can fight back. We’ve got the guns and the manpower, the will and spirit to head for the woods with a carton of Marlboros, a hunting rifle, a buck knife and a cool hat. Kids can do this. High school kids. You get some grenades, a few RPGs, and those filthy dirty hippy Russian fucks, FUCK THEM, because this is America. America. That means your ass will get shot and no grass will ever again grow where you Commie blood was spilled, but who cares because you’re dead and you deserved it for being murdering Commie Soviet scum. That is why real Americans watch and love Red Dawn. This isn't entertainment, it's essential training.

Patrick Swayze is a man, a man who knows you can piss in the radiator if you need to, and that if you drink the blood of the boar you get its power. He don’t play no games, son. He will dance with your ass like it ain’t no thang, and then he will beat up a bar full of people and fight Russians and make clay pots even though he’s dead. Check it. Can you top that? No, you can’t. He is  Swayze. Fear him.

Charlie Sheen is a punk, but he was in Young Guns and Major League, so that’s cool. And that broad from Dirty Dancing looked pretty bangin’ before she got a nose job. I’d hit it, and so would you.

Here’s the thing about Red Dawn. It is the unvarnished truth. Is it the Word of God? I’m not sure, but it might be. It just might be. When the Godless Commies drop from the sky like so many locusts, righteous men will stand up, shotguns in hand, and they will fight. Remember the dad who was captured and was in the camp? You remember. He was a good America. He said it right. “Avenge me!” And you saw what those Soviet fuckers did. They took the people out and when the people sang beautiful patriotic songs they shot them. SHOT THEM STONE COLD DEAD! That’s what the Russians do. Do not let their wonderful, sexy, nubile Russian ladies with firm breast and tight asses and awesome names like Olga and Ivana Fuckalot fool you. The Russians will make you die. It's what they do.

I have been training for this day. When I was twelve I would go into the woods with my friends, sticks in hand, and we’d practice getting shot by Russians. “Augh!” and you fall over. Always with the shooting. If you run through the stream they can’t track you! Go through the stream! Uh-oh, you have a tick on you. No big deal, Lyme Disease hasn’t been invented yet. You can keep running if you get shot, take a break for lunch, be back home before it’s dark. Fuck you, Russians! Run, run!

This is pissing me off!

You filthy godless heathen Russian commie fucking bastards, rot in fucking hell you sick fucks. Red Dawn is the greatest film ever made. Citizen Kane was commie propaganda made by a fat man and The Godfather is Italian bullshit with Italians. Red Dawn rapes your mouth.

Thanks you, support our troops and God Bless America.

Disc Presentation
You don’t watch Red Dawn, it watches you. For 20 years we’ve traded underground copies of this film on battered old VHS tapes, traded them in secret so we don't get caught. If you buy this on DVD you’re put on a CIA list and are watched. WATCHED! They can track your purchases if you use a credit card. Only use cash! Don’t get on the list. Mark of the Beast, son. Mark of the Devil. They know when you’re watching this and if you have hi-def TV you should know there is a camera inside, so they can see what’s happening and they always know even if you hide they know every time. THEY don’t want you to see this. If you knew the truth about the railroad cars with handcuffs and the camps, the CAMPS designed to imprison Americans, AMERICANS, then you’d know what’s REALLY going on. They get your name on a gun list and you’ll be the first against the wall. It’s coming. Mark my words. First against the wall. Remember Ruby Ridge? That’s the kind of shit I’m talking about. New World Order, baby, and ain’t nothin’ you or I can do to stop it other than shoot any fucker who looks at your cross-eyed.

Disc Extras
They did not want him to make this film. They wanted to shut him down. They don’t want people to know. The secret four-hour cut has only been seen by 12 majestic people. They know what the truth would do to people. What do you really know about your neighbors? What do you REALLY know about them?

But the important question is, what do they know about you?

If you’re not ready for the end times, you’re a fool. A fool. Foolish fool’s fool. It’s all boiling and bubbling under the surface, man. Crazy days. Crazy times. The revolution is coming.

Now you can get Red Dawn with a Carnage Counter and Interviews, among other extras. Don't let the man keep you down.

The Bottom Line
I got a letter from the government the other day. It said they were suckers. They wanted me for their army or whatever. Picture me giving a damn? I said never.

That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You tea-drinking vegetarian lesbian whore, watch Red Dawn and then you will know that your fucking goddess is a lie. A lie with tits. Castro isn’t dead. He’s planning.

Wolverines!