Starting off with the most atmospheric and technically accomplished of the bunch, Satan’s Black Wedding opens with the ritualistic suicide of Nina, a young woman who had been doing research on the occult for a book she was writing. After the funeral, Nina’s brother Mark sets out on his personal quest to unravel the mysterious circumstances of Nina’ death. What follows is a general mish-mash of traditional horror movie themes that are combined to make a more interesting picture: a rogue vampire that spends his time masquerading as a murderous Catholic priest, killer nuns, even spooky paintings. The wedding that the title suggests pops up in the final few minutes, and culminates in an ending that’s pretty damn confusing, but certainly left its image burned into my brain.

However, the plot elements don’t really gel all that well together. Combine that with a real head-scratching ending (which is thankfully explained in the commentary… During the last five seconds of the film) and that left me befuddled with the movie. From a technical standpoint, the film is certainly interesting to look at. Full of (cheap) Hammer-esque gothic touches, blasphemous ideas and shadowy scenes with evil demons lurking behind every corner, Satan’s Black Wedding is fun to watch, even when the story is painfully more of a miss than a hit.

Packed with some fantastic moments of uncomfortable misogyny (“Girl, you need to be beaten. All women need to be beaten. But especially you.”) and pointlessly surreal moments, Criminally Insane (AKA Crazy Fat Ethel) is a movie that was probably thought up after a bong hit and a giggle, “How about a fat lady who kills people that get in the way of her eating?” Surprisingly enough, it also turns out to be the best out of the three films.

After an extended amount of time in electro-shock therapy, Ethel is released to her grandmother who makes the wrong decision by locking up all the food in the house. Ethel is quick to dispatch the old crow, and dumps the body into the upstairs room. Grandma is quickly introduced to the new grocery boy, who Ethel has to kill when she can’t pay her $80 bill. Things grow a little more complicated when Ethel’s sister and her abusive pimp boyfriend move into the house with Ethel. Ethel tries her best to cover up the stench of the rotting corpses by using a few air fresheners, but soon enough, Ethel’s sister is starting to question what that putrid stench is that’s emanating from behind the door.

On one of the biggest budgets he ever had, Nick Phillips throws together another hour-long goofy schlock-fest that entertains. From the goofy special effects (the look of a decomposing corpse was achieved with the use of an avocado facial mask) to the sound effects (every time someone is stabbed with a knife, it makes a sound not unlike a dodge ball being rebounded off of the taut, young ass of a fourth grade schoolboy in gym class), nearly everything in the film can cause an unintentional laugh.

Sadly, its sequel, Criminally Insane 2, is the worst of the bunch. Shot on home video camcorders, Nick Phillips (an early adopter of video over film) manages to throw out any ideas of plot or pacing, and is content to whittle away the time with long, extended dream and flashback sequences, all featuring footage from not only the first Criminally Insane, but also Satan’s Black Wedding! One flashback might be acceptable in a movie, but this sucker has a good 15-minute chunk of the previous films slapped in at random.

In Criminally Insane 2, we find Ethel has been spending her time at the nut house, usually complaining about not getting enough food to eat. When the doctors decide to release any patient who hasn’t harmed a nurse in five years, Ethel is shipped over to a halfway house that tries as best as it can to help her in her delicate condition. But a sassy male nurse with a candy bar and an obvious death wish taunts Ethel, which reawakens her lust for food and blood. One by one, the members of the halfway house get knocked off, which culminates in an ending that will make you worried to know that someone actually had the gall to rip off the ending of Manos: The Hands of Fate.

If there’s anything positive that can be said about Criminally Insane 2, it’s definitely Priscilla Alden, who plays Ethel. After a 12-year absence between the first and second movies, Alden comes off more like somebody’s awesome mother who not only let her child make horror movies with her video camera, but also lent a helping hand and acted in them, too.

Video 
Transferred from the original 35mm film elements, both Satan’s Black Wedding and Criminally Insane are full of scratches, dirt, grain and print damage; exactly what one would expect from such films. However, the colors seem balanced fairly well, and the sharpness and detail is surprisingly good, especially during close-ups of faces.

Criminally Insane 2 however is pulled from various video tape sources and looks like a home video from 1987 because, well, it’s a home video from 1987. The colors are especially a problem; a green haze seems to surround the entire film, and the colors are pretty much shot. However, the film clips from the first Criminally Insane used for flashback sequences are so crummy that it certainly shows you that Shock-O-Rama did a splendid job on the transfer for the first film.

Audio
All presented in 2.0 mono, Satan’s Black Wedding and Criminally Insane are tinny, but easy to understand. The same can’t be said for Criminally Insane 2, which was recorded through the built-in microphone on the camera (I’m assuming). Depending on the conditions, it can easily be clear and audible, or completely and utterly muffled.

Extras 
Both Satan’s Black Wedding and Criminally Insane come with their own audio commentaries. On both commentaries, director Nick Phillips is joined by the moderator with the obvious alias of 42nd Street Pete in a generally genial commentary that consists of 42nd Street Pete complimenting Phillips’ work, and Phillips dispensing a little bit of information on the production. Sadly, the tracks are prone to lengths of silence. Considering the films only run an hour long each, it gets pretty unbearable quickly.

More interesting and compact are the mini-documentaries, which cover Satan’s Black Wedding and Criminally Insane. Covering all sorts of information that the commentaries did not, Nick Phillips goes into his background information (sleeping in his brother-in-law’s theater while saving up money to make his first film), to financing (mortgages!) and he even sits down with the I-just-assumed-she-was-dead actress Priscilla Alden to talk about her work on the movie.

Sadly, there are absolutely no extras covering the production of Criminally Insane 2. No mini-documentaries, no audio commentary, nothing. Even the extra features for the first Criminally Insane barely make note of its sequel. Sure, Criminally Insane 2 might be presented more as a bonus feature in itself than an actual film; the movie itself is so horrendous that I’m absolutely interested in the making of the film: What was going on in the filmmaker’s head when they were creating it and what was the audience's reaction, if there even was an audience?

Finally, there are theatrical trailers for Satan’s Black Wedding, Criminally Insane and Slime City.

Parting Thoughts
With three films on one DVD, it’s hard to make an argument against this set. Sure, only one film truly stands out from the others, but even at its most boring (Criminally Insane 2), the films are at least short enough not to outstay their welcome. Hell, even at its most boring, Criminally Insane 2 is at least so boring it becomes a fascinating endurance test. And for under $15 at most online retailers, it’s a pretty good deal.