And yet, somehow these people always have money. If you want my advice, you should open up a media pawn shop across the street from a tattoo parlor because when these deadbeats aren’t sitting in front of the parlor or getting another piercing at the boutique next door, they can almost always be found sitting on a computer or in front of TV playing a video game, watching a movie, or spacing out to a rockabilly album - I can almost guarantee you a lot of business from them.

The second option is to open up a bar nearby… they love that, too. They may even turn into your best customers… only never, ever extend them a line of credit or allow them to participate in your line of business. Befriend them, yes. Trust them, no.

Take my word for it.

Yes, it certainly is very sad (not to mention odd) to note that what had started in some cultures as a mystical method of protection or a way of marking a young lad’s journey into manhood has somehow malformed into a trend popular amongst Scene kids, bikers, and prison inmates. I can understand the whole "Now you’re a man, a manny-manny-man… " bit but the entire "Hey, let’s all be different - together!" craze is too much. Look, if nobody can tell you apart from anyone else except by the ink on your body, then it may - just may - be time to change your surroundings, embrace a sense of fashion, and adopt a personality!

I remember sitting in a tattoo parlor on my 26th birthday: the prices were too expensive and the designs were too cheap. I won’t tell you what I have (or where), but what I will tell you is that the "artist" did not do that fine of a job. Kids beware: a lot of the so-called "tattooists" out there aren’t all they claim to be and most of them either want to get in your pants or take your money. Hell, half of ‘em can’t even draw stars properly!

But I digress.

Jason Behr, the Chris Isaak/Josh Hartnett hybrid that first wowed audiences with his uncanny range of semi-lifelike facial expressions in "Roswell", stars in this New Zealand/Singapore co-production that could either be a halfway-original concept or the more asinine idea for a horror film ever (depending on the viewer). No matter which way you look at it, just be sure to thank your lucky stars that it isn’t another 70s or 80s horror film remake like America keeps churning out.

As a child, Jake Sawyer inked a pentagram onto his arm. This didn’t go over very well with his ultra-religious father… so dear old dad took a knife and removed the skin from Jake’s arm… for the good of God, of course. Now a grown man with tight little butt cheeks, Jake (Behr) makes a living specializing in "healing" designs for people. Not only is Jake scarred both mentally and physically, but he is also a great big fool: one night, after stealing an old tattooing tool from a group of Samoans at a tattoo expo, he cuts himself with it (make that a great big clumsy fool) and is soon haunted by a vengeful spirit that likes to add some deadly finishing touches to the designs he gives to his customers. Thus begins the plot of The Tattooist, a brisk 89 minute thriller (I don’t think I would call it a horror film) that plays out like a made-for-cable Movie Of The Week and co-stars Mia Blake, Nathaniel Lees, Robbie Magasiva, and David Fane.

The storyline of The Tattooist has some serious potential going for it but unfortunately a small portion of said potential becomes obscured amid the low budget, mediocre acting, and the fact that one character (Michael Hurst) simply up and disappears without any explanation whatsoever (I’m really not trying to put the movie down, either… I’m just pointing out a few flaws). A few of the nice touches include some nifty special effects (which range from standard 70s B-Movie fare to downright creepy), a fun soundtrack, and a hip-hop oracle kid.

Presentation
Video-wise, The Tattooist looks pretty decent, but I can’t help but wonder if it is framed correctly: several sources cite the film’s running time as 92 minutes (Sony? Hello?) and the aspect ratio as being 2.35:1, but the film is presented here in a 1.78:1 ratio (the Region 4 DVD release from Australia and New Zealand is also said to be 1.78:1). The disc also features 5.1 Dolby Digital soundtracks in both English and French as well as English, French, and Spanish Subtitles.

I guess this is as good of a spot as any to point out how shitty the DVD case artwork is. Not only does the image of Behr used look more like Freddy Rodriguez or Hal Sparks (although I probably would have preferred to see either of them in the role), but it’s very clear that somebody needs to go back to art college and learn how to add some frickin’ depth to their Photoshop masterpieces (the poster artwork used for the International Theatrical release was better). The digital image on the back cover isn’t so hot, either.

Extras
If you have ever been curious as to whether or not Jason Behr is as boring off-screen as he is on-screen, then you’re in luck: both Behr and director Peter Burger provide an Audio Commentary for the Feature Film. Additional Special Features include three Deleted Scenes (4:40) and several Featurettes: The Tattooist: Behind-the-Scenes (11:44); Behind The Tattoo Designs (2:25); The Colors Of The Tattooist (2:20); Real Life Samoan Tattoo (3:19); and Becoming A Chief (1:51). Rounding up the discs extras are a handful of Trailers and Promos and a Bonus Digital Copy of the movie so you can discovers the joys of copyright infringement!

The Bottom Line
It isn’t a great film, folks, but at least it’s more interesting and diverse than a lot of the people that hang out in front of tattoo parlors.

		The Tattooist
2.5		Feature - Predictable, but never overly dull or boring.
3.5		Video - May be a bit too dark at times. Perhaps.
3		Audio - I was expecting more. It didn’t happen.
3.5		Extras - More than the movie probably deserves.

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