|
So it has come to this: I, John H. Felix, once again, am going to review yet another movie wherein a dog eats a severed penis. I now need at least two hands to count the number of movies I’ve seen that feature a dog – and it’s always a big mean dog, it’s never a Yorkshire terrier or poodle or Chihuahua – devouring a recently severed male member. And, once again, I like it. However, Teeth has something that a Hostel 2 or Desperate Living doesn’t have, and that something is a touch of class. Yes, Teeth is classy, respectful, even. This is a reserved film about vagina dentata, and I think you might like it.
Teeth centers around the sweet, virginal Dawn O’Keefe (Perhaps a bit too on-the-nose jokery from director and most unexpected case of nepotism award winner Mitchell Lichtenstein), an icon of a Christian-based abstinence movement who, due to her minor celebrity, is just as despised as she is celebrated around school. While she might cherish her purity, Dawn is no sap, and she quickly takes interest in foppish new kid Tobey Cobb, who also takes part in the abstinence program – even to the point of rejecting masturbation (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!). At first it’s stolen glances, which escalates to kissing, which then leads to making out in abandoned caves. Unfortunately, things get a little too heated and, after being a little too rough with her, Tobey ends up at the bottom of the river. His penis however is still up in the cave, being eaten by insects.
 Understandably startled by her first sexual experience, Dawn goes Internet hopping in search for the answer to her mutation (having a nuclear power plant in your backyard probably doesn’t soothe the mind) and stumbles upon Vagina Dentata; Latin for toothed vagina. Seeing herself as sullied by the botched rape attempt, Dawn rejects the ignorance of her promise ring and decides to become enlightened, both mentally and physically, determining to learn about her curse and how to overcome it. Come hell or highwater, Dawn’s going to figure things out, no matter who’s on the receiving end of her vagina.
 Though the description might not indicate it, not to mention the enthusiastic comments plastered all over the DVD case from DVD sites, Teeth is a subtle film that refuses to take cheap shots while simultaneously refusing to soften its blows. Its reluctance to take an easy route is it’s best asset; for example the Christian abstinence aspect contained in the film is handled with a surprising amount of regard. Dawn and company isn’t being mocked (okay, maybe just a little mocking), but respected and portrayed without caricature or broad stroke. It also helps that director Mitchell Lichtenstein has assembled a strong cast who plays the material deservedly straight. At the head of it is Jess Weixler, who gives a hell of a lot of depth to the character of Dawn – enough character that, even when Teeth falters into camp territory in the second half (and it’s debatable whether or not a film about a fanged vagina could stay out of camp territory), we’re still with her.
The second half might be a deal-breaker for some, actually. Up until the first kill we have a light, sharp satire, which then turns into a movie about a vampiric cooter. But I found that, thanks to the knockout first half and Jess Weixler’s charm, I stuck in for every grotesque twist and turn. People who are turning in for the gore, well, they’re the people who get the quotes on the DVD box.
 Presentation
Teeth was a fairly low-budget production, but Mitchell Lichtenstein has given us a nice looking film, one that’s arty without necessarily calling attention to itself. And for the most part the transfer pulls the look off rather nicely, but there is a presence of grain and noise during the darker scenes, which is sometimes inconsistent from shot to shot. These scenes, while few and far between, still call attention to themselves, since the rest of the film is virtually grain free. These little moments shouldn’t be a deal breaker. The audio is nothing to crow about, since Teeth values its subtlety, with the soundtrack punctuating passages of the film with creeping, tribal beats under pretty string arrangements. This isn’t a typical horror film, and the presentation shows this fact off nicely.
Extras
Mitchell Lichtenstein has created quite a little film worth talking about; tragically his solo commentary is about as dire as any Tim Burton track – miles upon miles of dead air interrupted by little bursts of conversation. It’s too bad too, because from time to time, Lichtenstein will let a truly interesting piece of information fly, but not expand on it – for example he’ll mention how the neighborhood he shot the film in shunned the production, thinking it was pornography… and he leaves it at that.
 While that might not be worth looking into, the behind the scenes minidocumentary makes up for the lack of interest the commentary track, showing that more participants livens up the pot a little. There are also a handful of deleted scenes you can watch either with or without commentary by Lichtenstein. Wrapping up the bonus features are a trailer, a TV Spot and a few previews that run at the front of the disc, featuring trailers for the depressingly disappointing Diary Of The Dead, WΔz, Awake and from the director of Urban Legend is Storm Warning – I’m starting to feel happy that Dimension never sent me that title, by the way.
The Bottom Line
A cute coming-of-age story with a grisly twist, Teeth manages to succeed for the most part because it refuses to pander or condescend towards its audience. Even though it goes downhill the minute the gore kicks into gear in regards to its sly wit, there’s still a lot of fun to be hand when the penises start coming off.
|
