Giant alien robots turn themselves into sexy looking vehicles and blow one another to pieces in one of the most impressive special effects tour de forces ever to hit the big screen.

In many ways, that's all you really need to know about Transformers, the latest Michael Bay blockbuster to delight the masses and disgust the snobs.

If you're reading this, you already know the basics. Transformers springs from a popular line of toys, which in turn spawned a popular 1980s cartoon series. In the Transformers mythos, the good Autobots battled against the evil Decepticons for control of power, the Earth, the universe – whatever happened to be at stake at the moment.

Flash-forward to 2007. As a child of the '80s, in my youth I was a big fan, not so much as an adult; like the sane of my generation, my childhood obsession faded into warm nostalgia and the Transformers turned into a pleasant memory. My son became a big fan all on his own, however, because amazingly enough, the Transformers have endured. Over the years they've had their ups and downs, but never really went away, with new toys, cartoons, and comic books still hitting shelves and roping in new generations of robot lovers. Just as they did 25 years ago, kids love the Transformers.

So Bay's Transformers is an expensive kid's movie then, right?

Whoa, not so fast! Though based on children's toys, children's cartoons and children's stuff, Transformers is not a children's movie. Its demographic is ... well, the thing is, I'm not sure it even knows what its demographic is. I sure can't tell. The gigantic budget, “updating” of the robots for “realism” and PG-13 action suggest the geeky 30something crowd who loved the toys in the 1980s are the target audience. Having a high school student as the star, not to mention the crude locker room humor and unwelcome pee and masturbation jokes, suggest that teenagers are the target crowd. The only thing to suggest that kids are in play, in fact, is the source material, which was largely scrapped and revamped.

So who is this film for?

When it comes down to it, I don't think Bay much cared about this film's demographics, (arguably to the film's detriment, because at times it's kind of a mixed bag). He had a chance to do big, huge action of the sort never before seen on the screen. That's his kind of candy ... and so off we go.

And what a ride it is! Is Transformers flawed? Very much so. One could nitpick this film into a bloody mess. But as a viewer I went into the theater, and then into this DVD, with one thing in mind: I wanted to see the coolest, most awesome giant robots I could imagine, engaging in absolutely insane action, while some vaguely likable humans kept a passable story moving forward. Transformers delivers in that regard. Think about it too much and the story reveals itself to be absurd; they hand a powerful cosmic device over to a kid while giant aliens blow up a city to get it? Thirty-foot tall robots battle it out in towns, on highways, and in cities, and the entire country isn't in a state of panic? And on and on and on. Forget about the giant transforming robots -- it's actually the very human things in this script that require you to reeeeaaally  s t r e t c h  your suspension of disbelief.

But I managed. If anybody can weave together barely-credible elements of an unbelievable premise and make you ignore how silly the story really is, it's Michael Bay. His films are just so damn pretty. So full of spectacle. His actors look good backlit by a fiercely shining sun, sweat clinging perfectly to their perfect faces. His action is so intense, so over-the-top, so HUGE, all concerns about plausibility are thrown out the window. Who cares if it's plausible when it's this much fun to watch?

Late in the film, for instance, the military is fighting alongside the Autobots in an effort to protect a device of great power from the evil Decepticons. Their brilliant strategy is to take the device into the middle of a major metropolitan center and fight there. Civilians are everywhere. Genius! The military guys (whose entire role consists of shouting, “Move, move!” and “Holy shit!” and “I ain't never seen nothing like THAT before!”) actually call in air strikes! Right in the middle of the city! To make matters worse, as it becomes clear that they can't match the firepower of the bad guys, they decide to give the powerful device to a 17-year-old kid so he can stand on the top of a building with it and wait for choppers to arrive. You know, because surely the GIANT FLYING ROBOTS WITH GUNS won't have anything to say about that.

Wha-!?

Yet you see the wicked transformations of the evil robot leader, Megatron, the crazed battles in the city streets and the (contrived) heroism of the (beautifully-lit) soldiers, and the absurdity of the situation just plain doesn't matter. Again, you're simply having way too much fun.

Well, okay, maybe by the time the climactic sequences come around your fun is being marred by some antsy squirming. See, Transformers runs a robust 143 minutes. Nothing wrong with a long movie, but over two hours and 20 minutes is on the long side for a flick this light on substance. That it's filled with so many filler scenes featuring bit players doing cheesy shtick makes the running time even more glaring. Hey, we know Michael Bay is a powerful man in Hollywood, but can we have an editor? Maybe? Please?

All credit to Bay, however, in letting his performers perform. Bay is known as a big action guy, and with good reason, but he's never really spoken of as an actor's guy. Maybe that's because he's a demanding, fast-paced director who knows what he wants and works hard to get it, not to mention that his flicks don't tend to be the stuff of Best Leading Man nominations. Yet how can you not give the guy credit for having confidence enough to populate his film with talent like John Turturro (The Big Lebowski), Jon Voight (Heat, Deliverance),  relative newcomer Shia LaBeouf (Disturbia), and even lesser names like Anthony Anderson (Hustle & Flow, Barbershop), and just letting them do what they do? They riff, riff, and riff, and Bay lets them, turning even bit parts into memorable little scenes in a big, big movie.

At the end of the day, Transformers is not some life-altering, Important Film – but it does not aspire to be. It aspires to be bigger than anything else you've ever seen, and by and large, it succeeds.

As far as I'm concerned, you only need to know one thing: giant alien robots turn themselves into sexy looking vehicles and blow one another to pieces. Where do I sign up?

Disc Presentation
This is a Michael Bay flick. Steven Spielberg's name is attached. It cost $150 million to make and raked in twice that in the U.S. alone. You didn't really think they'd skimp on the presentation, did you? Every sun-drenched frame of this disc looks fantastic. Every gear and wheel. Every glistening midsection. Every explosion. This is one of those discs that make you glad you dropped three grand on a big hi-def television. (In a lot of ways, this looks better at home, as far as the experience goes, because it's actually possible to take in the frantic action at home. It was very easy to lose track of the close-quarters action on the big screen.) This transfer has deep, rich blacks, sharp colors, and lots and lots of gloss. Good-looking stuff.

And great sounding stuff, too. Surround is an art form. Great surround tracks are more than merely tossing some audio to the rears and calling it a day. They need to be lively, to jump, and need to enhance what you see on the screen. That's what we get here. The big 5.1 track has plenty of 360-degree activity, offering wide spaces, throaty thumps of the subwoofer and a fine sensory assault.

Disc Extras
I have to confess, I didn't expect much in the first DVD release of Transformers. If ever there was a flick that begged for the old “bare bones disc now, deluxe version in six months, REALLY deluxe version in a year” trick, it's this. The fanboys would have lapped it up. Thankfully, what we get here should be enough to satisfy all but the most insatiable of extras whores.

Disc one features a commentary by Michael Bay. This track features some long, long gaps of silence, often several minutes at a time. When Bay does speak, though, he is lively, engaging and informative. The guy obviously loves to makes movies and he loves to entertain people. A good, entertaining track that made me kind of like the guy.

Over on disc two, we have three features split into smaller featurettes, covering the production from start to finish. By and large it's pretty typical stuff, but it largely (though not always) manages to avoid being little more than gushing hype, making them fun for a quick spin. They're not likely to get multiple viewings, but you won't turn them off after 10 minutes, either.

Our World– This is the “making of” feature, delving into the origins of the franchise, updating things for a live action film, Bay's approach on set, stunts, the actors, and more. I have to admit, I came away with some respect for Bay after watching this. The man is hands on. He gets dirty. He pushes and pushes, and gets what he wants. No great revelations here – okay, the fact that  Shia LaBeouf really was hanging off that building near the end, that it wasn't a trick shot, stunned me – but the behind the scenes footage was swell. This isn't an exhaustive, three-hour presentation, nor is it a look onto a difficult set ala Alien 3, but it is pretty decent as a “making of” nonetheless, for the most part keeping the hype to a minimum and showing the viewer behind the scenes stuff of interest.

Their War– This feature purports to take a closer look at the Transformers themselves; their designs, the technology, and so on. And it does indeed cover such ground, delving into all the techie stuff that went into bringing these highly impressive robots to life. From a tech perspective, their creative is very impressive. Their War is also a great big ad for GM cars and the United States military. Boy is it obvious, too. Sheesh, back off, guys! Not bad, but more guilty of empty hype than the first feature.

More Than Meets The Eye– The final feature if brief, detailing the creation of the early dessert attack sequence. Some repeated ground, more tech stuff; interesting, but not essential.

Disc two is rounded out with some trailers and a ream of concept art.

The Bottom Line
Yes, it's a big, loud, empty popcorn flick with a ridiculous plot, lots of filler, no clear focus or purpose, and several instances of stupid scatological humor.

But boy is it a lot of fun. When the humor rises out of the potty it's quite funny, the characters may be undeveloped and one-dimensional but they manage to be entertaining, and – here's the important part – it's got giant alien robots that turn themselves into sexy looking vehicles and blow one another to pieces. Flat-out, pure-popcorn awesome. It's spectacle the likes of which the your home theater has never before seen.