Wild Zero. Wild Zero. Wild Zero. Oh Christ, how am I going to write a review about Wild Zero?

Meet Plot-A: Ace is a young greaser-type who spends all of his time wearing leather, combing his hair, and daydreaming about out-cooling his Rock n’ Roll gods, Guitar Wolf. In the middle of a particularly extensive hair combing, Ace isn’t able to pay attention to the news broadcaster announcing that a meteorite has crashed in the town of Asahi. And certainly if he can’t pay attention to a simple radio announcement, he certainly isn’t perceptive enough to notice the swarms of UFOs circling the Earth. But really, who cares? It’s off to the Guitar Wolf show, where the band plays a set so powerful, they’re actually able to shoot lightening bolts out of their instruments, knocking out a few overzealous fans in the process.

Shortly after the show ends, Guitar Wolf makes their way to the owner’s office to collect whatever money they can from The Captain, a childhood buddy of Guitar Wolf’s who has a disturbing fetish for laced-up hot pants and wigs that vaguely resemble the kid from the Dutch Boy paint can. Guitar Wolf isn’t a fan of The Captain’s way of life and that brings the two to fisticuffs.

Thankfully, Ace passes through the hall in the middle of The Captain’s tirade and interrupts the Mexican stand-off, which gives Guitar Wolf enough time to shoot a few of The Captain’s fingers off. Seeing as how his life was saved, Guitar Wolf thanks Ace by becoming blood brothers and gives him a magical rape whistle to use whenever there’s trouble. However, with a few unidentified pills, The Captain is on his way to exact revenge on the band.

Meanwhile, over in Plot-B, a trio of thugs (Masao the Ringleader, Hanashi the bitchy girlfriend of Toshi, who could make a lot of money imitating Steve Buscemi at carnival geek sideshows) make their way through Asahi, stopping by a gas station with intentions of knocking it over. However, all the three find are a few confused customers including our soon-to-be main character Toshio, a girl who immediately faints as soon as Masao flashes a few switchblades. Thankfully, Ace stops by and accidentally stops the robbery, quickly making his way into the heart of Toshio. It’s love at first sight, but Ace has to make his way to the next Guitar Wolf gig, leaving Toshio with whatever is behind the bushes lurking in a POV shot.

Finally, we make our way over to Plot-C, where a female arms dealer makes her way (in her own tank, no less!) to a secure location in Asahi, sitting and waiting with her binoculars for the Yakuza who are late for the important meeting – partly because they were attending their boss’ wedding, but mostly because they’re being eaten alive by half a dozen brain-thirsty zombies. Wouldn’t you know it? Ace was passing by and managed to glimpse the carnage. Thinking back to the incident at the gas station, he makes his way back to rescue the woman he loves.

From this point the movie turns into sheer Zombiegeddon as each plotline makes its blood-soaked pathway to the (literally) explosive ending. With the help of his magical rape whistle and hallucinations of Guitar Wolf teaching him about the meaning of love, Ace not only manages to help save the world, but be with his dream woman. Even love and death can’t separate Toshi and Hanako, despite their constant bickering. Hell, Guitar Wolf certainly never stops loving Rock n’ Roll, beer, or combing their hair. What we’ve really got here is a romantic comedy! But with magical, zombie-killing guitar picks. Oh, and flame-throwing microphones.

Starring a cast of who cares, featuring the cool nonchalance of the (real) band Guitar Wolf (infamous for releasing quite possibly the loudest album ever – Jet Generation has warning stickers advertising the audio levels) and directed by Tetsuro Takeuchi, a music video director who has gone on record stating he absolutely despises movies, it’s fairly hard to describe Wild Zero without making it sound like both the best movie ever made and the most disorganized, ridiculous vanity project ever conceived. Wild Zero is a schizophrenic mixture of good ole fashioned gut-munching, WB-style romanticism, flying saucer Sci-Fi, and leather clad, sunglass-wearing Rock n’ Roll.

Of course the story doesn’t gel 100% (quite frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if the director got hold of a pre-existing script and added Guitar Wolf in) and the pacing can slow to a crawl whenever there’s a montage of someone walking down the road to sad rock music, but that’s not the point. It’s all about attitude.

But then again, one could easily argue that something like Razor Blade Smile is also an exercise in style and attitude over plot and characters. But the main difference between that and Wild Zero is self-awareness: Razor Blade Smile decided that it wanted its characters to be aware of who they are and what they do, while Wild Zero accepts the insanity as absolute reality.

Video 
After sitting through a few bootlegs and DVD rips of this film, I have to say Synapse did quite a good job, though the overall color palette seems to be a bit too yellowish in my opinion. Sharpness and detail is a bit low, and there’s a bit of grain, which I’ve seen in pretty much every bootleg I came across before the film was released on Region 1 DVD. What can I say? It’s a low-budget Japanese zombie movie filmed in Thailand.

Audio
While the Dolby Stereo mix is quite decent, with a nice subwoofer workout and clear dialogue, a 5.1 remix would have probably been fairly good, considering the material. It’s not the most dynamic soundtrack I’ve heard, but once the music starts pumping through in all its crunchy glory, you’ll be too busy dancing like a complete idiot to notice.

Extras 
Let’s start off with the most interesting extra on the DVD: The Wild Zero Drinking Game! With rules like “Take a drink anytime: Someone drinks/Fire shoots out of anything/Anyone says rock n’ roll/Something explodes,” you’re going to have a hell of a time getting through this entire movie.

In fact, even though you’re supposed to drink something with a low percentage of alcohol, I myself used shots of whiskey and got hammered within the first 15 minutes. But it’s rather hard to keep up the pace when within those first 15 minutes Guitar Wolf jumps into hisflame shooting motorcycle (drink)while shouting “ROCK N’ ROLLLLL!” (drink) and taking swigs from his beer (drink).

If and when you’re able to pick yourself up from the floor, you can go through the extensive, text-based Guitar Wolf Bio and Discography (which documents up to 2002), along with a very nice Gallery which covers album covers, live pictures, posters, production photographs from the film, and even a few fashionable pins.

The Making-Of Music Video is a bunch of behind the scenes footage with a Guitar Wolf track over it. It’s a brief two-and-a-half minutes and leaves you wishing for a little more.

If the that didn’t satisfy you, there’s also a hidden Easter Egg Interview (from Guitar Wolf Discography, hit the right button on your DVD remote). Conducted in both English and Japanese. It’s absolute fluff (come on, they ask Guitar Wolf if his guitar is actually a sword), but it’s goofy, entertaining fluff.

Also included is the film’s Theatrical Trailer, which touts the film as a “Super Rock n’ Roll Jet Movie.” No arguments here.

Overall
Sure, the movie is definitely a fun watch by yourself, but the best way to watch the movie is definitely with a drunken, rowdy crowd. Get yourself a few hundred dollars worth of liquor, set it to the drinking game and get ready to have an excellent time drunkenly screaming “ROCK N’ ROLL” with your friends every 15 seconds.