Like being Spider-Man, having the esteemed title of Staff Writer comes with great responsibility. Oftentimes films are assigned for us to review and while I am happy and honored to have this position, let's face reality. If didn’t “hire” me, who the hell else would review Women’s Prison Massacre? No one who would be happy to do so, that’s for sure.

One in a slew of women in prison films, Women’s Prison Massacre is an unsurprising film that gives you exactly what you would expect based on its title. The story is a loose continuation from Bruno Mattei’s Caged Women with a few of the characters reprising their roles. Didn’t see Caged Women (released on DVD as Violence In A Women’s Prison)? Don’t worry about it, I haven’t seen it either, and that didn’t affect my enjoyment of this one at all.

The story begins after Emanuelle (Laura Gemser), a reporter, is arrested on trumped up charges when she gets too close to exposing a popular politician for his active role in drug trafficking. She has made friends with several inmates and has made the best of her situation, even though she was innocent. In fact, the film starts with her and two other inmates doing a play, a play so close to the spoken-word portions of the “Cell Block Tango” from the play and film Chicago that it is scary. It always amuses me how much women get away with in these movies. Sadly, it doesn’t get any more outlandish than in the first five minutes.

Beyond that, not much happens in the first half of the film, not in the prison anyway. Emanuelle gets into a knife fight with another inmate and two lesbian inmates get punished for doing the freak in front of everyone in the bathing room. Other than that though, it remains uneventful.
Enter our main cause of villainy, four male convicts brought to the women’s prison for what is supposed to be one night while being transferred. These dregs of society manage to get the upper hand over the officers and take the prison hostage. This is where all the grotesque fun starts.

You will witness all of the following, and more:
•A convict biting a hostage
•A convict allowing himself to be fondled by horny caged women
•Forced Russian roulette with the expected gory results
•Lots of shotgun fun
•A woman taking a razorblade and placing it into a cork and further placing it into her vagina (as a failsafe device, naturally).

While the camp factor runs high in this film, I think the overall tone is a bit too serious. The best thing the film has going for it is the insanely violent second half, which reminded me of a more subdued Riki-Oh for prison nastiness. While there are things to like in this film, such as the awesome score and cheesy cinematography, there is a certain something lacking. In my opinion the blend of camp just doesn’t work well here. If the film decided to go one way or the other it could have either been a prime example of women in prison grit or over-the-top silliness. It could have succeeded either way. But the path it takes is imbalanced. Perhaps if I had seen Caged Women beforehand I would have felt I knew the characters better. Somehow though, I doubt that. Women’s Prison Massacre is a fun diversion, but not at all memorable.

Presentation
When Shock-O-Rama released Women’s Prison Massacre on DVD back in April, all 14 customers complained about the same thing. It wasn’t uncut. The smallest army was heard, and this DVD is an entire six minutes longer as a result. While the DVD (as did the last one) presents the film in true anamorphic widescreen, the picture quality is atrocious. There is dirt and film grain throughout (though if you are like me, you can find the charm in that). This is how the original VHS tapes used to look. You knew you were getting something “special” if your rental came in the same type of oversized box as porn. WPM’s release captures that, and I dig it. Videophiles certainly won’t though. The only audio included was an English mono track, which is obviously a dub. I would have dug it if they had included the original Italian track, but alas, they did not.

As for those six minutes… If you watch the R-rated cut you will have a good idea of where these scenes fit. In that cut, you often see the aftermath of a situation or that a scene isn’t as fleshed out as it should be. In many cases the score was actually cut short because whoever edited the film for the R-rating did the good old, “snip-snip-glue” technique. This uncut disc is better, adding more nudity, violence, and even some exposition, though a couple of those jarring transitions still exist. All said and done though, I’m fairly certain this is the biggest and best release of WPM we are likely to see.

And The Extras Are?
Ironically, there is even less on here than the previous release. Not that the previous release was any great shakes to start. Here you get trailers for Women’s Prison Massacre and other Shock-O-Rama titles, including Slime City, and Satan’s Black Wedding/Criminally Insane.

As an added bonus, you get quite possibly the worst liner notes ever in a DVD. Written by “42nd Street Pete”, he decides that instead of saying anything interesting, he will transcribe the entire plot of the film, scene-by-scene. You know, to make you really want to watch it. Pete, I am sure your knowledge of the genre is without compare. Why not say something interesting instead of being a douche and spoiling the film?

And Now Some Parting Words…
Not too long ago I wrote an article about the five best women in prison films. Now, after seeing both cuts of Women’s Prison Massacre, I can’t say I have any desire to change that list. Don’t get me wrong, if you like WIP films, this is a mostly authentic piece for your collection. You should get the unrated version because it is a tad more gruesome and has additional nudity. It’s all good fun.

I laughed, I cried, I rolled over and went to sleep.