Elsewhere on this site, I’ve bemoaned the death of the drive-in movie. In particular, I mourn the death of the quickie, b-horror flick that features go-go dancers and rubber monsters. Analysis will reveal that I’m not particularly deep when it comes to this. I like chicks. I like monsters. It’s a no-brainer.

Part of what killed off the drive-in movie was the video boom of the 1980s. Instead of hanging out in your car with your girlfriend, now you could sit at home with your girlfriend and do whatever you wanted without the fear of someone peeking in your car window.

With the influx of VCRs in American homes, the demand for content on video shot up and small video stores were snapping up anything they could get their hands on. This resulted in a number of straight to video offerings of varying quality. It also allowed a handful of people to shoot their own movies on VHS and find distribution for them, despite the fact that their quality was less than stellar. Woodchipper Massacre is one of these films, and while I can’t say I like it, I can say I’m glad that at least a few examples of this weird moment in American movie history are being preserved on DVD.

This was my first viewing of Woodchipper Massacre. Luckily I read the accompanying marketing materials before I watched it. Otherwise, I would have been much more disappointed than I currently am. Let me ask you a simple question:

If you picked up a movie titled Woodchipper Massacre would you expect it to be gory? 

If you answered no to that question, then your name must be Jon McBride. He directed, wrote and starred in this thing and sure enough, he made a mostly bloodless horror movie that is supposed to be more of a black comedy than anything else. In fact, he says he looked at the film as a sit-com. That doesn’t do much to lower expectations, though. Of course any movie with the words “woodchipper” and “massacre” next to each other in the title is practically required to be filled with buckets of blood and scores of deaths. If there was ever an example of a movie title that did not conform to truth in advertising, this is it.

The story takes place somewhere in Connecticut and follows three upscale kids who are left in the care of their aunt for the weekend. Their father is on a business trip and the aunt has been asked to stay with them to keep an eye on them. The trouble is, the aunt is more than just a disciplinarian. She’s a raving bitch, bent on making everyone around her as miserable as she is. Her tirades on everything from horror movies to the youth of America bring nothing but eye rolls from the kids, and that just serves to make her angrier.

Finally, when one kid puts his foot down and refuses to go along with one of her demands, a struggle ensues and the aunt is accidentally killed. To cover up the crime the kids decide to dismember her (somehow doing so without spilling one drop of blood) and freeze her parts before sticking them in the woodchipper mentioned in the title. Unfortunately, that’s not the end of it. Soon, the aunt’s good-for-nothing son comes looking for her and must be disposed of also.

The script is definitely aiming for comedy in all of this, but unfortunately, it just doesn’t deliver. In fact, even if the actors were better (and this would not be a hard thing to achieve) the results wouldn’t be significantly different. Woodchipper Massacre is a film that seems hampered really by one thing: the fact that McBride’s vision was not within his capabilities as a writer or filmmaker to achieve. It sits in a weird limbo where it’s not funny enough to be a comedy and not gory enough to be a good horror movie.

And that’s unfortunate, because I really want to like this film. I come from a punk rock DIY background and this is just the sort of thing I should be able to get behind and support. I just can’t do it, though.

Presentation
Well, this thing was shot on VHS ¾ inch tape. Take that into account and this looks pretty damn good. However, when compared to any other film, it looks like crap. Still, I’m amazed that it looks as good as it does. The sound is also pretty good for what it is, but this is nothing that’s going to test your home theater system. The music is very dated, also, and only adds to the fact that this movie screams 1989. Oh, and whoever dressed these kids should be shot. Talk about a compendium of bad ‘80s clothing!

Extras
Well, here is where fans of this film are going to be in for a treat. I got more enjoyment out of the Commentary With Director Jon McBride than I did out of the main feature. Hearing his story about how he put the film together, the challenges of working with ¾ inch VHS tape and how much fun the actors had doing the film really put a positive spin on this for me. McBride is a genuinely likeable guy, and you can’t help but get pulled in.

Slightly more annoying, but still fun, is the Interview with VideoBob and Jon McBride. This was conducted for inclusion in a late-night television airing of Woodchipper Massacre and features a host that’s a bit too full of himself but still knows a lot about the film. He and McBride have a reasonably good rapport, though.

The “making of” featurette is really just a collection of interviews with the cast. The first two interviews (with stars Denice Edeal and Tom Casiello) are the best, and both genuinely seem to have loved their involvement with the film. Finally, there is a Stills Gallery that is pretty cool and actually has more blood than the main feature.

The Bottom Line
If you saw this movie upon its video release back in the day and are a big fan, you’ll love this DVD release. If you’ve never seen it and are a fan of low-budget horror, it may be worth a quick look. However, if you fall under any other category, stay away from this one. It’s definitely an acquired taste.